Sadly not down London way, otherwise I would take you up on your offer. Breadmaking basics are covered quite well in other theads on this page. So long as you use the right yeast and let it rise (easier in warm weather than in a cold kitchen in the winter) and put in a pre-heated oven, you should not have any problem.
Basic cake making is not quite as easy, but still not that bad. Trifle is a great way of using up cake that is not quite perfect, or re-heating it and having it with custard or ice cream. In short, you are not putting anything poisonous in to it, so it will be edible (to a greater or lesser extent).
Delia's "How to Cook" should cover it. Be brave and have a go.