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AIBU... to be the "only" parent to disagree with the school on this

(124 Posts)
impishgal77 Tue 02-Feb-16 23:19:23

My 13 year old DD is learning about the holocaust at school and the school have sent a letter home requesting parental permission for her to attend a showing of Schindler's List after school. It's a 15. I saw it at the cinema and remember it being VERY moving. I don't think it's right that the school is asking me to break the 15 guidance, and, of course, I am the ONLY parent to question it (according to DD! "everyone else's parents are ok with it"

TheSunnySide Tue 02-Feb-16 23:21:54

Yanbu if it's a 15. I am sure there are lots of age restriction rules they wouldn't want to see broken.

winewolfhowls Tue 02-Feb-16 23:22:13

There is a specially produced version for schools

RudeElf Tue 02-Feb-16 23:22:34

Do you think your child shouldnt be exposed to things that will stir up emotional feelings?

neolara Tue 02-Feb-16 23:22:49

When I taught history 20 years ago, we used to show it to year 9s. I think all schools were sent a copy by the government and told to show it. Now, I'm completely horrified that we did show it. It's a deeply shocking film. I certainly wouldn't want any 13 year old of mine watching it.

IoraRua Tue 02-Feb-16 23:23:49

As pp said, yes there's a school version.
If you don't want her seeing that, don't sign - no drama.

WorraLiberty Tue 02-Feb-16 23:29:34

You're not being unreasonable to be the only parent who disagrees with the school, based on how you think your own child will react.

But YABU to compare yourself to other parents who will also make their decisions based on how they think their own children will react.

A non issue really.

BillSykesDog Tue 02-Feb-16 23:30:44

I saw it when it came out, I was 13. I was perfectly well equipped to cope with it and I would have no problem with my child watching it.

I do think you may be a bit over protective on this one. And I suspect that it may well be something that rankles and isn't forgotten.

honeysucklejasmine Tue 02-Feb-16 23:32:37

We watched it in history in year 9. But over several lessons, so I didn't really get it or remember what was happening.

Really must watch it as an adult.

impishgal77 Tue 02-Feb-16 23:36:30

I'm not comparing myself to other parents who are entitled to their own opinions. A big part of my beef is that it is a 15, and she is only 13. What example is that setting? Just after other peoples opinions. Of course I only have my DD's say-so that "everyone else's parents are ok with it". I don't really know if their are other parents of the same mindset as me.

Mmmmcake123 Tue 02-Feb-16 23:39:16

I think films that were certified as 15 a long time ago would generally now be certified as a 12. It's a powerful film that evokes emotion. Children can choose what they want to watch in their everyday lives and to some extent I think this can be limiting on their understanding of issues. I think it is good for them to be taken out of their own bubble. Just my opinion x

noblegiraffe Tue 02-Feb-16 23:40:24

BBFC guidance says

"The age rating for a DVD, video or Blu-ray explains the audience we believe the film is suitable for and applies to point of sale or rental, rather than to where the material is viewed. It is not actually illegal for schools to show BBFC-rated videos or DVDs or Blu-ray to its pupils of any age, just as parents may also chose to show any material to children in the home. Merely showing an age restricted film to underaged persons - or allowing them to see one outside a licensed cinema - is not in itself an offence.

We would, however, strongly discourage such a practice unless (a) the children in question are only a year or so below the age stated on the certificate, and (b) there is a serious educational purpose to showing the recording (eg showing well-known works or educational films such as 15 rated Schindler's List to 14 year old GCSE students). Even in such cases clearly schools should seek parental consent prior to showing it. We would also recommend obtaining the approval of the Head Teacher and Governors. It is vital to make sure that any children watching are not likely to suffer any ill effects as a result of seeing the film."

So the school is fine to do it because they are asking your permission. You are fine to say no, that's your prerogative.

pieceofpurplesky Tue 02-Feb-16 23:41:11

There is a special version shown in schools that is edited - parental permission needed - has your daughter never seen anything over a 12A!

SolidGoldBrass Tue 02-Feb-16 23:41:36

If your DD is happy to watch it then keep your beak out. Film certification should be for guidance only anyway.

Sunnybitch Tue 02-Feb-16 23:44:45

So ask other parents what they think or speak to the teacher (word of warning tho, your daughter will never forgive or forget it)

All kids watch higher cert films...really don't see the big deal tbh

JenEric Tue 02-Feb-16 23:45:15

Yanbu it totally depends on the child. I watched it at college. I was 16 and had to walk out as I couldn't cope with it. It was just too real for me. I knew the history but seeing it broke me. I had nightmares for weeks. My DD is so much like me there's not a chance in hell I would sign. She still can't cope with 12's at 12...

impishgal77 Tue 02-Feb-16 23:45:43

Keep my beak out...harsh!

queenofthepirates Tue 02-Feb-16 23:46:00

It's a deeply traumatising film, deeply. I agonised over the things I'd seen for weeks. I think it's very important to learn about the holocaust but unless the school are showing the school suitable version, I wouldn't want my under 15 year old seeing it.

queenofthepirates Tue 02-Feb-16 23:47:17

FWIW, I saw Jaws as a child and I am still pretty terrified to swim out of my depth in the sea. And the holocaust was very much real.

impishgal77 Tue 02-Feb-16 23:51:56

The holocaust I'd one of the most disturbing and significant events in Modern History and as yet my DD has not seen any films above a 12a. The permission slip doesn't day it is a modified version, so I suspect it I the original, but I will contact the school to ask them.

impishgal77 Tue 02-Feb-16 23:52:58


MistressDeeCee Tue 02-Feb-16 23:56:43

If there's a school version then thats fine but if there isn't then no, YANBU at all. Age guidelines are there for a reason its not a good thing for school to ignoore that, and I wouldn't have allowed my DCs to watch at that age

RudeElf Tue 02-Feb-16 23:57:07

Keep my beak out...harsh!

grin you're clearly new here!

Italiangreyhound Tue 02-Feb-16 23:59:26

She's your child, your choice. If you wanted her to see it you could watch it at home with her before the school sees it with her, or you could just say no.

We had this in about Year 5 with dd and the first world war film about the horse, 'War Horse' it was a 12 and dd was 9 (dd also loves animals, a lot!).

I watched the trailer and was in tears, dd was unmoved.

I sent the school a letter which said something like ... "In general I am not in favour of children watching films which are a higher certification than their age; I do feel it sets an unhelpful president."

I told the school I had watched the trailer, I was moved to tears (at the senseless loss of life in war) yet my nine-year-old was pretty much unmoved, in fact she commented that it was 100 years ago, as if this meant the loss of life was less relevant (as they would now be dead anyway!) I explained people had died young, unable to get married and have families or fulfil their lives. DD does have autistic tendencies so she may well struggler more than the average child to understand this.

I felt for the teachers to try and explain some of these very tough emotions to children is a very big ask and I am not sure that films are a very good way to do it.

So I told the teacher I thought one of their challenges would be in conveying the enormity of loss of life for those involved in the First World War, and said if they genuinely felt that War Horse would assist in doing that, then I would give my consent for my dd to see the film.

I said this on condition that there was a space made available for children who chose to stop watching the film part way through.

Many years ago I have walked out of the cinema on at least two occasions when watching films that I found distressing, as an adult. So if dd did become distressed watching War Horse then I would rather she could leave the room.

I also said to please give families enough warning if they went ahead with this so that we could watch the film at home with our child before it was shown in school.

Just some ideas which may apply to you.

It was so little of a deal in the end I can't remember if it was shown or not!

sandgrown Wed 03-Feb-16 00:06:24

Two weeks I took my 13 year old to visit Auschwitz and Birkenau and the Schindler museum. He,was obviously moved by what he saw but he coped very well.

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