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Things you've learnt from the movies

(263 Posts)
OrlandoWoolf Sat 25-Apr-15 18:46:41

If you capture a secret agent, kill them. Don't tell them your plans.Just kill them. Preferably yourself with lots of people around.

If someone is dead,make sure they're dead. Kill them again. Just to make sure.

treaclesoda Sat 25-Apr-15 18:50:14

Men can keep punching each other long after you would reasonably expect them to be dead/unconscious. But it's ok because eventually the bad guy will fall off the side of a building/bridge and then we ladies can take the good guy home and treat his minor injuries with Dettol on cotton wool, at which he will wince, despite having been able to have a fifteen minute fist fight without so much as a blink hmm

OrlandoWoolf Sat 25-Apr-15 18:51:51

If you give someone who's never fired a gun a gun, they will leave the safety catch on.

If you are divorced,the best way to get back together is to get involved in a disaster and save your ex. Or your child.

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon Sat 25-Apr-15 19:04:22

Large, expensive boats often sink.

Poorly contructed boats get attacked by big sharks.

Some boats leave you stranded on a desert island.

Don't get on a boat.

wickedwaterwitch Sat 25-Apr-15 19:06:49

Old men very often have young hot wives

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke Sat 25-Apr-15 19:09:56

Heroines have the ability to wake up after a night of full-on sex, look at the clock and realise they're late. They will then pull on a pair of jeans and Tshirt, shake their hair and rush out of the door looking amazing.

Not a sign of crumpled pillow face, crusty eyes, dog breath, post-sex wiffyness, no matted frizzy hair, no sticky inner thigh syndrome - just full on heroine gorgeousness!!!!

chocolateyay Sat 25-Apr-15 19:10:31

Don't go creeping about in the dark in your nightie looking for the source of an odd noise.

Its very easy to knock someone out or kill them with a blow to the head.

Its not the crazy looking people you need to watch, its the quiet nerdy-looking ones that are the psycho killers.

chocolateyay Sat 25-Apr-15 19:11:13

fairy - why, yes we do!

SummerMeadow33 Sat 25-Apr-15 19:14:27

If you hit someone very badly with your car and they get up and start lurching towards you, run.

OrlandoWoolf Sat 25-Apr-15 19:15:06

American highways always seem to have cars neatly spaced out so you can swerve in between them.

If alien invade, it will probably be in the USA. Someone will want to be nice to them but some one from the CIA or Military will want to shoot them.

OrlandoWoolf Sat 25-Apr-15 19:16:45

American diners always serve the best food this side of..insert appropriate state.

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke Sat 25-Apr-15 19:18:40

I've also learnt that when anyone falls to their death from a high building they will do so in slow motion - no falling normally for movie baddies.

All Americans live in either tiny cramped appartments or palatial homes, no "2 up, 2 downs" for them.

And I've learnt that I LOVE Bruce Willis' heroics!!!!

BruthasTortoise Sat 25-Apr-15 19:24:07

It is entirely possible to have a massive apartment in New York while working a minimum wage job. It is possible to give birth without really breaking a sweat (and babies are born looking like they're 3 months old)

OrlandoWoolf Sat 25-Apr-15 19:26:33

Bombs seem to always have 2 wires.

If you know a disaster is going to happen, no one is going to believe you.

You don't need to arrange times and places to meet up. Dates just happen.

If I would only remove my glasses, I'd be utterly gorgeous.

If I need to go to go city hall/the courthouse/a huge library/museum/ in fact, any public building, I will always find a parking space right outside, immediately.

Never say goodbye on the phone. Just cut the other person off when you are somewhat sure they are done talking.

If you have to tell someone something of vital, life or death importance, try once in a paniced fashion then, when they shush you, give up. If they leave the room before you are done telling them the vital information, don't try to follow them, doorways are something for Other People.

treaclesoda Sat 25-Apr-15 19:36:37

Oh yes, and bombs have a handy timer on them telling you how long you have until they blow up! That must help a lot.

Oh and also, and this one drives me to distraction, if you are hunting for a criminal or monster in a creepy house, in the middle of the night, never just turn the lights on. Much more fun with a flickery torch.

If you hear a funny crashing noise, see a cat and breathe a visible sigh of relief that it was just the cat which was the source of the funny crashing noise, you have roughly 6 seconds to live.

treaclesoda Sat 25-Apr-15 19:42:15

There are only two possible family types. There is the precocious only child family type. Or there is the whiney but beautiful teenage daughter, plus the slightly geeky 8 or 9 year old son combo. (However, either family may be a single mother, a happy couple or a mum, stepdad and heartbroken ex husband type. And the mum still loves the ed husband but can't tolerate his always putting the job first character).

TooOldForGlitter Sat 25-Apr-15 19:44:24

If you're very sexy, wear very little in bed and call out, hello, when you hear a noise downstairs then you WILL die. Horribly.

TooOldForGlitter Sat 25-Apr-15 19:47:39

If you are really very clever then you must wear glasses and nobody will think you are hot, least of all the hot guy who is your pal but never notices you. Then you'll go to a party and take off the glasses and wear a swishy dress and the hot guy will be all like, wow she's so hot who is she?

Debinaround Sat 25-Apr-15 19:51:43

When running away from a mass murderer who has escaped from a high security prison ALWAYS run upstairs. Not out the front door but onto the roof. You will ether have to jump and break your ankle or be killed.

velmadinkly Sat 25-Apr-15 19:55:59

All American houses have large bedroom windows that are always fully open so that the net curtain billows in to the room. Females go to bed in a little vest and pants at the most and the males in boxer shorts. They sleep with the female on the left who will have the the thin cotton sheet up to her chest and the males sleep with the same sheet just up to his waist. He will be sleeping on the right. This is always the case even if the scene prior to the gojng to bed scene is of them returning from a day out where they have been wrapped up in coat, hats and gloves.

All I can say is that either America has a weird climate where it is warmer at night rather than the day, or their heating bills must be astronomical!

wickedwaterwitch Sat 25-Apr-15 20:07:12

Aliens always blow up the White House, the Empure State Building, the Taj Mahal and The Houses of Parliament.

wickedwaterwitch Sat 25-Apr-15 20:08:33

Whenever the plot moves to London it's the law that "London Calling" by The Clash must be played

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed Sat 25-Apr-15 20:10:22

You can easily hide your real identity by wearing a pair of glasses.

You never use public loos while travelling in America because if you do you will either be murdered or witness something dodgy and end up knowing too much. Then murderers will hunt you down.

You should also not get out of the car at any point while travelling because the American countryside is entirely populated by corrupt police officers and inbred oddballs who want to make you into a pair of dungarees.

British women over the age of about 50 are all eccentric, unmarried aunts who dress conservatively but have scandalous pasts.

We could save massive amounts of money if we sacked existing police officers and replaced them with retired people.

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