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Thinking of divorce

(3 Posts)
eastbubblemaker Sat 28-Apr-18 22:47:22

sooo I basically ran off to another town when I was 18 and told no one, a little backstory, my home life, I left because of my mother she was abusive, physically and mentally, I don't ever remember her telling me I love you, she’d make fun of me and humiliate me, punishing me having to carry heavy things for 6 six blocks, as a result my scoliosis and backpain appeared very early on in my life and also fibromyalgia which made made experience world differently and with heightened sensitivity. My mother didn’t get that I had not an imaginary illness but something she didn’t t want to understand. In my eargerness to get better, I took many vitamins and supplements, one night she checked on my room and found about a dozen bottles of pills and she just became hysterical abusive, saying that I was born this way with a shitbrain anyway, I was going to get myself even more stupid than I already was (Even though I was in the first three places in school and learnt spanish and ballet) ending up as a prostitute, she was embarrassed about me about the day I dressed and a rant that went on and on, I couldn’t take it anymore and then she convinced dad to come yell at me too, that was the last straw. Next morning I left for another town with this charming boy I just met, he was 26 then, and a musician, he’s an engineer too so in my teenage mind I thought he was the best man ever, sweet too I thought. I met him I thought we’d be happy, just one thing, he had a son, I always wanted to like his son, but when I met him i realized something was not right so iand recently he just has been diagnosed rage and behavioral problems. I always thought there was something different about him and told my husband about it when I first me him, when he was 4, but he always said “He’d grow out of it”. My husband said is because his ex liked to do cocaine while she was pregnant, but when she found out she was pregnant she didn’t want to terminate the pregnancy. And recently my husband has had word by her own nephew that she told him that she got pregnant because she knew my in laws have some money. And she’d be set for at least 18 years. This made me so angry that she didn’t even make the child out of love and it shows. She’s always asking for more money even though she gets money from my husband, my inlaws, her parents, her oldest siblings, she also makes good money because she is a designer. And she basically let the boy with my in laws so shes free to party and spend. I realize this is wrong. But I feel there is not much I can do to educate him, because the boy has become violent telling me don’t tell me what to do, you are not mum. I was mortified because all i asked him was to eat his bowl of soup. I don’t want to sacrifice my life for his family. Since they don’t let me set more discipline but let him play videogames until 2 a.m.. I am 25 now and I feel that I don’t even know who I am anymore without all the constant drama, specially since my husband separated once due to his leaving me because the anxiety and irritability that it cause me, basically I went from a horrible situation into another horrible one. And shortly after he left he started having a serious affair with another woman for few months while we were still married, so I said to hell with all this, Im going to strip cause I know I can. I was really shocked that he basically changed me in no time. I was in a really dark place. I danced for about year and a half and got a roommate girl. But when I moved in she didn’t tell me she had a boyfriend living there and permanently camped in the living room, they’d wake me up with screaming matches, fighting. It was nightmarish, he put a cam in my bathroom. Then my roommate and I moved to another flat just me and her, but I realized she was into weird business, so my husband (that was my ex at that point) heard there had been a shooting in my town came back and got me, we moved into his parents spare apartment, he got a decent job, he treats me right now, listens to me, but I’m afraid it is not enough anymore, he can become unstable and change jobs, blame it on his bosses or somebody else. I fear if we ever have kids he’d go through midlife crisis and leave me again. I always wanted him to be how he is right now but, now I feel different because I met people and men who were just terrific, talented and I feel curious too about what else is out there. I realize this is a massive post but it’s been 7 years of the same thing, andjusting my life for the sake of a family that I dont even feel is mine(His mother absolutely loathes me) I don’t have a close relationship with my parents or anyone I can talk to about this. Please any good natured advice will be gladly received! thank you! and have a nice dayflowers

eastbubblemaker Sat 28-Apr-18 22:48:01

any advice?

powershowerforanhour Fri 20-Jul-18 23:47:52

Hmm. If your stepson has been a "We Need To Talk About Kevin" type from a young age I think I'd be glad you're not his mum, be glad you don't have a child with his dad (so you don't have a long term tie to the toxic family), get divorced and move to a new town far away. Yes he was your road buddy for the journey away from your mum when you were 18...but that phase is gone and you don't owe him the rest of your life. His son is going to end up mess but you can't fix that mess. If you just met him now, would you marry him?

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