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Was it ok to say something like that??

(4 Posts)
Kotka79 Sun 11-Mar-18 16:57:14

Ok, so it is a day before mother's day. I returned home at 3pm from my Saturday job, feeling sick, premenstrual and with a throbbing migraine. I said i needed a few min of rest. So my husband (surprised!) is forced to look after our daughter that evening. I took painkillers but headache does not go away. I dont feel like cooking or eating, instead im still on the sofa at 8pm with a pillow on my face while my husband tries to put our daughter to sleep. After a while he comes downstairs to see what im up to and says "maybe if you didn't lie on that sofa all day you would feel better". After that i just could not bottle it up! I said it all, pissed off at lack of sympathy and offended by the words. I am told im overreacting and making an issue out of his words and that i should go back on prozac (which i took postnatally). I don't feel like talking about it with my girlfriends but i feel like i need some support. What would you feel if this was you? Would you just ignore the words? Am i really nuts for trying to defend my right to rest with a migraine pain? Husband thinks im evil now and make an issue out of nothing. Any thoughts?

MarklahMarklah Sun 11-Mar-18 17:04:21

Did you tell him you had a migraine? I can see both sides of this to an extent, but it sounds like a lack of communication and a lack of sympathy in fairly equal parts.
If I came home and spent hours laying on the sofa, blocking light from my face, my DH would be asking what was wrong, did I need water, etc. If I was laying on the sofa reading/surfing the net and so on, then he'd assume I was feeling tired/lazy, and he'd probably be less sympathetic.
I'd expect him to be able to look after his own child without difficulty or complaint.
However, I would let them both know I was feeling unwell.

Kotka79 Sun 11-Mar-18 18:52:59

Yes of course i said i had a migraine. But it is so rare that im actually lying down that i think when it happens he is actually surprised/ disappointed. How I read it was 'stop feeling sorry for yourself and go back to your chores'. Without me there was no cooked dinner on the table, washing little one's hair was an impossible task, wet laundry waited to be hung, dirty socks waited for me to be picked up from under the bed etc. Mum is unwell, how dare she!

MarklahMarklah Sun 11-Mar-18 19:20:16

'Overreacting' sounds a very unfair comment. Migraines are incredibly disabling. I remember having one at work and I couldn't even walk to the sick room without stopping to throw up three times.
I found it hard to eat, talk or sit in a room where there was anything brighter than a candle, whilst I had a migraine and any smell was retch-inducing.

Perhaps when you're feeling better, remind him how disabling a migraine is, and that you're a partnership. Housework can be shared, and so can the other tasks.

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