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support on MN

(4 Posts)
absolutelynot Mon 22-May-17 21:21:18

Trying to think of where to put this and thought maybe 'feminist support' may be the right place to find some solace and perspective, not to be flamed; if it isn't the right place please say.

Being a website for Mum's (primarily) and women how do you cope/stand/feel when you see OP's asking for support/advice/reassurance/tips/a rant and seeing other women reveal their inner keyboard warrior/judge/jury/executioner/teacher/lecturer/sanctimommy in response. In two days I have posted two posts, one was at the end of a long, tiring weekend and, yes could of been better written, but had my grammar remarked upon as though I were 14. Another was asking what to do regarding an issue with my child, a concern I was unsure how to deal with, nothing but practical advice; I was later informed by strangers about my attitude seemingly 'oking' something that was inappropriate (If i felt that would I of asked how to stop my issue reoccurring?)

Minor examples but I have seen women on here pour their hearts out at times of crisis, confusion, frustration and evidently at times, depression. Nobody knows if they have people to turn to IRL. The support they seek may only ever come from strangers they feel connected to; all mothers must understand each other on some basic level, we all struggle at times, we all need a shoulder at times, am I wrong? And yet, these women are at times, quite simply attacked on here. Those who have never experienced an OP's perspective but with plenty to say about how they are handling things wrong.

Am I wrong to find this uncomfortable and disgraceful? Without thinking we should all be like the mum in About A Boy, sitting in circles, wearing linen and tie-dye chanting about togetherness; could we not all just take a second and think "actually, that's mean I won't post that" or even on a more selfish level "I look mean in that, i won't post that"; am i just sensitive to shitty behaviour or am I finding it a tad more intolerable as I feel we should remember we are all struggling, fighting and coping as best we can? why do each other down and in turn, let ourselves down?

after re-reading I don't think there could be a real answer to this, I may of just needed a rant! Apologies!

Whiskwarrior Mon 22-May-17 21:24:00

Well, you're off by assuming the majority of posters here are Mums.

And it's wrong to think women should automatically support other women blindly just because they're women.

I won't support Katie Hopkins or Theresa May because I find them hateful.

absolutelynot Mon 22-May-17 21:29:10

well naturally, awful women with awful actions invoke the negative response with absolute validity (two excellent examples!); what I refer to is the innocent, inoffensive, sometimes boring post can find a response from somebody that is totally off the wall and can only lead the OP to feel bad; not being supportive for the sake of not being supportive. The "if you've got nothing nice to say, say nothing at all" way of thinking evidently lacking.

Bloodybridget Thu 25-May-17 00:26:34

I completely agree, OP, there are some people on MN who just seem to love being insulting and unkind in response to utterly inoffensive posts. Comments like "You sound like hard work", "I wish I had as little to worry about as you", that sort of thing. It doesn't matter whether they are mothers or not; to me, women who are needlessly rude and contemptuous to other women (and the vast majority here are women) are not acting in a feminist way.

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