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He left and I am pregnant.

(8 Posts)
missjones1981 Tue 02-May-17 00:27:06

Hi there,
I came to this forum for support. I am pregnanct and told him about a week ago. He was having a tough time with it and kept saying how he didn't want it. His parents are very religious and always seemed to be good people and I pushed him to tell them as I thought maybe he just needed the emotional support. Well he came home after and demanded I get an abortion and threatened to take full custody. I was astounded. His parents also told him to take me to have an abortion, the great catholics they are. Im actually agnostic which I'm sensing is a huge part of their disgust. I had always felt liked by them and had got along well with his mom. I thought so anyways.
Today he left in the morning giving me a kiss on the cheek. I woke up to hear a knock on the door and it was the police. I invited them in and they told me he was here to get his things. I just said okay thats fine. They said he was afraid there would be an argument. I said of course there would be I'm pregnant and he's bailing. They just nodded. They came in and made small talk with me while he removed his things. He tried to ask a few questions and I would just answer with have your lawyer call me. The police would just look at him and say "there you go". I just kinda smirked because Im guessing he didn't expect them to be standing with me and playing with the cats.
I dont suspect cheating or anything we spend way to much time together for that. I honestly thing he's spoiled and selfish. His dad is a doctor and any sort of trouble he and his brothers have got into was handled by lawyers. I also suspect this was an attempt to make me have an abortion which is not going to happen. Im very much in love with this little being growing inside me. Im a registered nurse my life isn't perfect but I'm not really sure why anyone got the idea they could take a child away from its mother.
We are 36 and 33 and I honestly am just so shocked at the immaturity and selfishness of the situation. He always treated me with kindness and patience. He had his moments of selfishness but I just brushed them off. I haven't had a privileged life so I just felt he was probably a bit more slow at growing up. If that makes sense, I have been on my own since 17 and still managed to graduate and get into a college.

Lissette Tue 02-May-17 00:32:24

flowers he sounds awful OP. Did he say his parents said that? Is it possible he's spoofing to put more pressure on you?

Kingsclerelass Wed 13-Sep-17 05:36:39

What a nightmare. How miserable & hurtful. And worrying.
You don't say how long you were together or if you had talked about a baby. Some men just don't want them, which is his right I suppose, or he's been raised with the expectation of good career first. I don't know. He may come round once he gets used to the idea although I wouldn't count on it.
Not sure why police. That's a bit over the top. And all the talk of lawyers is a bit weird too isn't it?
Like it or not, you will have to communicate with him for the next 18 years and doing it all through a solicitor is going to be really expensive and make it v hard for your dc to have as normal parental relationship as possible. He's being an arse but you need to think what will be best for your child in the long run.
My ex is spectacularly selfish but I grit my teeth and am polite. It has been useful over the years. And less stressful than being at war. Plus my dc came out with "you and daddy never argue do you" which made all the teeth grinding worthwhile.

I'd take a bit of space, don't communicate for a week or two and then calmly send him an email telling him progress on bump, saying you're gutted he doesn't want to be part of dc's life but you intend to go ahead and be the best mum you can. Show him you're worth ten of him. Then play it by ear. Good luck with everything

prerona20 Thu 26-Oct-17 17:30:13

I think you can do much better without him. If all the time you spent together isn't worth his attention and consent on having this baby then further in the future he is ought to be a waste of time. You just hold n tight and you will win over this battle. Good Luck!

Xxfemale Thu 12-Apr-18 20:24:44

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

sheliathewondernut Fri 13-Apr-18 18:02:32

I'm a single mum of 5 after my girlfriend of 10 years left me 6 months ago. It was a shock to say the least, going from a two person crew to one! But with friends and family to help you it's such a rewarding experience and I honestly believe you can make it on your own!!!! As for your partner he sounds like an absolute arse of a man, do you really want someone behaving like that around your child? You can do it!!!!! wine

Iused2BanOptimist Wed 22-Aug-18 08:50:48

Digressing somewhat but really? The police now provide escorts for cowardly men to safely retrieve belongings when dumping their pregnant girlfriend?
Poor you, men are such shits, I have seen this many times. Tbh you'll be better off on your own as hard as it may seem to begin with. If you are nursing in nhs there should be good maternity benefits etc and I am sure your colleagues will be supportive.

Gronky Tue 28-Aug-18 19:04:21

The police now provide escorts for cowardly men to safely retrieve belongings when dumping their pregnant girlfriend?

From a very cynical standpoint, it's probably less work to have an officer to prevent a 'he said, she said' scenario than all the legwork involved with investigating a DV report if there's likely to be an altercation. It's quite refreshing to hear that they were fairly neutral during the visit.

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