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Daughter started working as a lap dancer HELP

(5 Posts)
user1486485014 Tue 07-Feb-17 16:59:07

I am so concerned. My 19 year old daughter, who is studying acting, has called me and said that she has started working at a lap dancing club. My daughter is an intelligent, witty, clever, feminist who previously was a staunch defender of women's rights. She was the first to stick to the No means no principle, and was very against the world that promoted women as sexual objects.

Now, because she is motivated by not borrowing money to study for her BA in Performing Arts (Acting, Singing and Dancing) she has started this work. She has explained it makes a lot of money and that she will be able to pay off her student fees completely. That puts her into a position of no debt at the end of her studies and being acting, she knows that generating an income won't be that easy.

We have a good relationship and I've reacted by saying I don't like it and why it isn't good for her mental health and self respect, but that I want to continue an open communication with her because she needs my support right now. She said ok. She has said she doesn't like it but it's worth the money. She can handle it. I should trust her. She is safe.

I am not re assured.

I have come here to Mums net because I'm looking for advice. I am going out of my mind with worry, but can't discuss this with anyone I know. My husband doesn't like it either but seems to have checked out on the subject. I've asked him to talk to her but he hasn't done so..he says oh yes I will but hasn't.

Is there anyone else who has had this situation? What the hell do I do?


HiDBandSIL Sun 26-Feb-17 23:40:04

I'm afraid I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say that you've posted this in a very quiet corner of Mumsnet. You would get a better response posting on a more active board - "feminist chat" for example.

LassWiTheDelicateAir Mon 27-Feb-17 00:24:09

I'll second that. I don't know what you can say to talk her out of it.

Satorye Thu 22-Feb-18 00:47:11

I think this is time to be harsh-she's NOT a feminist if she's reinforcing objectification of women for her gains. She doesn't have to do this, this is taking advantage on other people's misery.
I would tell her that in a way to make her think-she should feel shame because she knows better yet she's doing that.
There has either been something terribly wrong going on in your daughters life or she is aiming toward blatant opportunism. Take her out of there however you know, this isn't time for gentle parenting.
I know I sound like a bitch but I'm very close to your daughters age and I have been where she has and I wished if someone could pull me away from the sort of work(I worked as a nightclub dancer-people were treating me like a prostitute, do not think lap dancer is treated better).

I'm 22 now and when I look at myself at age 18-19, despite all the"experiences"and things I've done, I was a KID. Your daughter may be wanting to be independent, may accomplish admirable things at school but trust me on this, she's still emotionally not there yet. It sounds like a scream for help.

Satorye Thu 22-Feb-18 01:05:15

Oh mate. This is old. Well I hope she stopped lap dancing winewine

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