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Feeling like a bad feminist

(13 Posts)
IDontLookMyAge76 Fri 25-Nov-16 12:36:19

The other day at work, I was getting frustrated with myself cause I'd forgotten a few things I was meant to do by the end of the shift but ended up having to hand over, nothing major but little wee things it would have just been better I'd gotten done rather than having to ask the next shift to do.

Anyways, my colleagues could see I was shattered n a bit frazzled, I just said 'I'm frustrated cause my brain isn't working', kind of hinting at baby brain.

I know 'baby brain' isn't actually a thing and is actually just a side product of being tired and the brain reprioritising but kinda just used it as short hand to explain how I was feeling because it felt like it'd be easier to swallow for my colleagues than if I'd just said 'I'm tired'.

Feeling like a bad feminist for perpetuating the myth of baby brain Rather than just saying 'I'm exhausted'.

Can I get a hand hold please?

Lottapianos Fri 25-Nov-16 12:39:53

Have a hand hold. Everyone has moments through illness or tiredness or whatever, when they feel their brain isn't working properly and its frustrating.

You're quite right that 'baby brain' isn't a thing, but even if you had referred explicity to 'baby brain', you should still go easy on yourself. We all get bombarded by these messages all the time, and its hard not to internalise them. So basically, you're golden smile

MidsummersNight Fri 25-Nov-16 12:52:22

Forgive my naïveté but what is wrong with saying baby brain?
I get it's not an "actual" thing, except it kind of is, but what's wrong with using that term?

IDontLookMyAge76 Fri 25-Nov-16 19:09:14

Thanks Lottapianos xx

MidsummersNight there's an implied decrease in productivity and brain function, like someone saying 'you on your period?' Where a woman is just reacting negatively because shes hormonal Rather than just being tired or angry or frustrated at a shitty situation.

lananzack Fri 25-Nov-16 20:41:34

I have been known to react negatively when hormonal on my period, and my brain almost 'fogs' in my pregnancies. Why is that not ok? And not feminist to use those terms? Sorry, I genuinely don't understand.

MidsummersNight Fri 25-Nov-16 20:57:07

Same lananzack.

I'm almost always glum, negative & irritable around my period. That's a well known fact about me... same when I was pregnant - I was very forgetful & noticeably less 'together' and organised.

I can't find anything offensive in the term baby brain.

IDontLookMyAge76 Fri 25-Nov-16 22:07:11

I don't know how to explain it further than how I've described in my OP.

Suppose if others don't find it offensive then fair enough, it just didn't sit comfortably with me

TheExecutionerQueenMortificado Fri 25-Nov-16 22:10:13

Not 100% perfect at all times <> bad.

Go easy on yourself, sister!

IDontLookMyAge76 Sun 27-Nov-16 10:00:48

Thanks Executioner. Probably should cut myself some slack so I don't go mad when baby actually comes.

sleepingkoala Mon 05-Dec-16 14:37:45

Yeah go easier on yourself. All you did was word something in a way which wasn't quite right to you. You didn't actually mention the pregnancy anyway. If I heard a pregnant woman saying what you said in that context then I wouldn't even think anything of it. I'd just think, 'maybe she meant that she is just tired, maybe it also has something to do with the pregnancy' and I'd just think 'I don't know which it is and also I have no idea if pregnancy has those effects anyway so I'd just think nothing of it and just take it the same as anyone saying their having a tired day or whatever'. I mean put like that it sounds like I'd be really thinking about it. My point is that I wouldn't that those thoughts would just go through my head very quickly and that it wouldn't make any difference or pay it any mind to me.

For me to have enough reason to really think a woman was referring to her pregnancy and start thinking about it and paying it mind would take more than just that one comment which doesn't mention pregnancy. I had no idea 'baby brain' was a thing anyway but I wouldn't automatically assume that's what you meant by that comment as it could refer to other reasons i.e. general tiredness.

88Nikki88 Sat 18-Mar-17 17:56:02

Feminism surely isn't about denying the realities of being a woman, quite the opposite, it's about accepting them and about society accepting them.
I'm currently eight months pregnant and spending almost every day exhausted looking after my 16 month old after starting early maternity leave. I rarely manage to stay up past 8pm on an evening, I can't walk more than about half a mile without being in pretty serious pain and totally exhausted. I have 'baby body', and I'm not ashamed. If I were still working shifts there's no way my brain would be functioning properly after about 8pm. I don't care what anyone calls it, but I'd much rather people accepted that my body was just under a lot of stress due to the pregnancy than I was suppose to 'battle on through' pretending I was just as match fit as every other man and woman in the office. You're pregnant, you're growing another human, and it can be really hard. Having 'baby brain' or 'baby body' doesn't mean you're weak, it means you're human.

M0stlyBowlingHedgehog Sat 18-Mar-17 18:12:23

Yes, and I remember a poster on here memorably saying in response to the "you're snappy, is it that time of month?" comment "well, given rates of male violent crime, that must mean men are at the mercy of their hormones all sodding month long."

Yes, hormones do affect my brain. I have never been on a birth control pill that didn't leave me cripplingly, mind-numbingly depressed. They also impaired my cognitive function. When I stopped breast feeding, I could feel the mental fog lifting in the space of about a week - it was an extraordinary sensation. The menopause definitely made me think slower - HRT fixes that. It's not anti-feminist to acknowledge biology. The fact remains that my brain at its slowest is pretty damn impressive, and when everything is in balance hormonally, it's fab!

April229 Sat 10-Mar-18 22:11:35

I’m not sure why you are feeling bad for voicing a well known issue.

It’s considered that cognitive function, esp in the last trimester may drop by as much as 30% in pregnant woman. Verbal function is as you have described frequently likely to be impacted. The study below shares some of the findings.

I don’t know why talking about it would make you uncomfortable?

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