Need to find out where I belong to - Middle age crisis?(5 Posts)
I've been torn between my desire to be valuable to the world and my weak mind which is frightened to throw myself into any "causes".
I'm facing a turning corner in life. I've been extremely unhappy at work. It's a company filled with office politics at high level management. MD and GM changes at average 1.5-2 years in the past 8 years, as it's all about short-term P&L numbers. I'm fed up with all the lies they put up and it's currently run by a bunch of consultants who bully and who rule by fear. Hardwork and common sense are suppressed whilst a group of 20s are promoted to manager roles to introduce "changes" and "new ideas" without respecting experiences and expertise. It's poisoning my life and has already made me lost faith in workplace and business driven successful career. I want to quit whenever I get a chance.
I'm an INFJ type in the Myers-Briggs personality types. If you know what that means, you may understand the world looks a completely different place to me than to most of the people around me, including DH. The "purpose of life" (a desire to help others and to balance the unequal world) is especially important to guide the journey in life and motivate me to improve and be a better and happier person. The situation at work and my relatively "mature" age make me have he urge to find a new direction.
However, I'm also a highly sensitive person and have an issue with a mixture of "low self-esteem". I overthink according to people and could be hurt easily by other people's unkind move or unacceptance. I think I could be weak to deal with manipulative people. I also have ADHD related issue therefore not good at reading social cues and can make a fool of myself in social situations. All these self-perceived weakness made me so far stuck to the pragmatic route in terms of "what I do". I have a master degree but could not make myself fulfil my potential or be bold enough to push myself to excel.
I have a DS who's going to school next year and I feel ready to have a second one soon. If it becomes true, I would need to quit my job and be a SAHM for a few years. DH fear I would be even less happy if I stop working and feel even less valued.
Having a second one or not, I need to figure out what I want to/could do for the next so many years. If I have a second one, at least I could work toward that direction part-time; or if I don't have a second one, I would have even less excuse to not go ahead for a new plan.
I'm keen to find some kind of good cause which suits me. But by the way I know myself and the way other people tell me about how "charity" works in the real world, I can't see the direction...
Not sure if anyone can understand the kind of flawed and paradoxical person I described. But I'm afraid this is the way I am.
Would anyone has anything positive to say at all? Suggestions? Advice...?
Go work for a small charity. They tend to be closer to the recipients and there's less admin/costs to cover.
I wish I could help, but I can't think immediately of anything other than what TrollThespawn said.
I so hope you find something, as what you are doing does not sound right for you. You do not say what your Masters is in, and perhaps don't want to, but if it is not specifically related to your present job, do you think that might give you a clue as to a new direction?
I just read that service orientated or artistic careers are best for INFJ
Quotefrom that link:
INFJs tend to be service oriented. They like helping other people (always a good thing). Many INFJs turn out to be excellent teachers, instructors, psychologists and health care professionals. ecify&
Then, under artistic it didn't specify jobs, but mentioned often they are artists who teach too.
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