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support thread for breadwinner mums with SAHD

(4 Posts)
Breadwidow Mon 23-May-16 20:00:56

This AIBU thread http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2640701--to-be-considering-leaving, alerted me to the fact it was Nice to have some online support for living with reversed gender roles. More and more women are the main earners and I was hoping to start a nice supportive thread for full time working main earner mums, where the male partner does all or most of the childcare. Like some surveys have indicate I didn't really chose the role - my DH had a business, we moved for my job, he hasn't been able to relocate it and he's been a SAHD for nearly 4 years now. We have 2 kids, 4 and 20 months. I would rather be at home more, he'd rather work a bit but it's kinda ok for now, and I think it has meant our gender divide of house work etc is way more equal than many. But sometimes the fact I'm not in the 'normal' mum role gets me down and I wonder if that's because it's what I want or because what people expect. DH also finds it hard, all the same reasons SAHMs have it hard but with feeling a bit odd at playgroups plus odd views from some friends thrown in. Anyway, anyone else in the same boat and want to share moans and advice etc related to being at the vanguard against traditional gender roles?

Breadwidow Sat 28-May-16 23:06:34

No replies. Can this thread get moved to a higher traffic area?

NettieW65 Mon 20-Nov-17 19:27:51

I have been the main earner for around 12 years. I always dedicated my weekends to being with my 2 DDs. Life has been difficult. Very lonely at times when I have had to work away. What I’ve realised is that kids are very adaptable. Whatever they have is what’s normal to them. My DDs are as close to me as they are to DH. They are confident, well adjusted and loving girls. I think the main thing iscto be there whrn you can and always be interested in their lives. If I’d known how my DDs would turn out, I would have saved myself a lot if guilt and anxiety. Don’t worry what other people think. It’s your family and you have to make it work between you. Your kids will love you whatever.

breadwidow Thu 11-Jan-18 23:39:16

Hello, re found this thread

My husband is now looking to get back to work as youngest in school nursery. He's depressed about it I think. He wants to start his own business but struggling to find a venue suitable we can afford. He doesn't want the alternative which is moving into somewhat lowly employment. I understand the latter, & unfortunately I think the only we he will get his business is for us to move. We considered this a few years back and didn't. I wanted it then but I'm far less sure now. I like where I live, like the ease of the commute, and I'm the main earner so sometimes feel like I should have some sway. But the fact is we don't need to live this close to my work. If we move we could all be happy, but the upheaval makes me feel sick

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