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(9 Posts)
strivingforwomanhood Fri 31-Oct-14 14:12:33

I am single with a 5 year old and there seem to be any number of suitors who seem to think they are the man i need to be with because they will treat me right. My problem is that i have been raped multiple times, abused, abandoned (not unreasonably because it is their right to choose whom they spend their time with, but its still disappointing), molested by my father and brother and stolen from cheated on and given an STD and lied to. I am currently not emotionally available and am seeking counseling because i don't want to be this way forever but i cant just have anyone around my daughter and i don't want to hang out with potential suitors with my daughter. I work somewhere near 60 hours a week and try to make my self available to my daughter when i am not working or practicing Yoga as my physical care of my self. I find my self preferring to sleep and clean in my free time before i spend time with people i am not comfortable enough with to include in these activities. I have a guy trying to "force" him self into my life by telling me i cant persecute him for the crimes of others which i believe to be true but i think he is misunderstood as to what is going on. I don't believe i am emotionally available or ready for a relationship, of which he wants to be serious and says he is ready for long term with kids. Mind you this guy i had an innocent short month long relationship with in my freshmen year of high school and have not talked to him since then much, i am now 25 and he came into my life insisting that he has been interested in me since high school but now he was ready (mind you i had no idea till now) and i just don't know if the way i am feeling is justified and i also do want to give proper consideration to other points of view. I just feel like there is some patriarchal privilege in his feelings and im not sure if im right in saying so.

tywysogesgymraeg Fri 31-Oct-14 14:20:52

Patriachal privilege??? In what way ffs??

Why don't you just stop dating men if you're not ready for a relationship and are not currently emotionally available?

60hrs a week is a long time to be away from your daughter - I suggest you forget about men for a bit and spend as much time as you can with her.

AuntieStella Fri 31-Oct-14 14:30:18

Lots of people try to rekindle a relationship with an ex. It's not inherently patriarchal (as both sexes do it).

But it's quite possible that he's an ass.

You don't have to give "proper consideration" (if I understood you properly on that bit): just say 'sorry, I don't want a relationship with you', block numbers etc. Or have you already done that? I so, what's happened that has prevented it working?

strivingforwomanhood Fri 31-Oct-14 15:08:15

I didn't seek him out, he has contacted me and i am not interested in dating or even seeking out time with be with people who aren't my daughter. But he has told me that i am being unreasonable telling him im not available and that i am just interested in being friends. He has told me that my problems are because i wont let anyone help me (AKA him i am assuming)

Bifauxnen Fri 31-Oct-14 15:18:40

To mangle an oft repeated mn mantra: fuck off is a complete sentence. Tell him to do one.

Bifauxnen Fri 31-Oct-14 15:19:44

...if you're for real.
Sorry, can't always sit on my hands.

strivingforwomanhood Fri 31-Oct-14 15:23:51

the thing i am miffed about is how after almost 10 years he can just waltz into my life and start demanding things. He expects me to just take the statement that he is a real man and that i should accept his words that i am so special to him and he is never going to let me down and he will be there for me with out the matching action (because this is recent) I have not actually seen him in person as i work and spend all my "free" time with my daughter. I feel like i would feel that it is right through the persons words and actions and them waiting for me to make the choices to trust them and depend on them for my self. Patriarchal privilege of demanding they be believed and trusted with out question.

mymummademelistentoshitmusic Fri 31-Oct-14 15:37:29

What's a freshmen year? No shortage of suitors, eh? confused

strivingforwomanhood Fri 31-Oct-14 16:07:34

first year of high school, i was about 14-15 when he and i "dated" if you can call it that.

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