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February 2012 Non-Fiction Book Club:Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect us from Violence

(53 Posts)
StewieGriffinsMom Mon 16-Jan-12 16:36:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SweetTheSting Mon 30-Jan-12 08:16:38

This is £4.10 on Kindle today, for Kindlistas!

BasilRathbone Mon 30-Jan-12 21:02:00

If anyone wants to read it but can't afford to buy and can't afford it in the library, I have a copy I'm happy to send out.

BumgrapesofWrath Tue 14-Feb-12 22:00:01

Does that mean you don't rate it, Basil?

BumgrapesofWrath Tue 14-Feb-12 22:00:30

Just bought it for £2.99 from Amazon

StewieGriffinsMom Tue 21-Feb-12 11:18:43

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SweetTheSting Thu 23-Feb-12 10:27:14

Umm, SGM, isn't it on 29th Feb as per OP?

Hope I didn't miss it...

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 23-Feb-12 15:47:21

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BasilRathbone Fri 24-Feb-12 13:32:38

Sorry bumsgrape, didn't see this till now. Glad you got a copy, no I think it's good. smile

StewieGriffinsMom Tue 28-Feb-12 22:13:28

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Yes SGM I was a bit hmm about the first time she is a victim, the next time it is a choice. I also thought he mentioned a few times about programmes for violent abusive men. Do these actually work? At one point he suggested referring the man to a battered woman's shelter who would be able to suggest a program for him. I mean really - putting him in touch with a safe secure place for women to escape men like him. Think not! Way too much emphasis on the perpetrator rather than the victims there.

He also suggested teaching at school about how not to rape. How boys must listen for "no" and women must learn to explicitly reject. Thus still puts the emphasis on the victim asserting themselves and pushing out of their socialized norms in a moment of terror rather than men reading and reacting to the signals. Which is rather ironic considering the book was about reading signals!

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 29-Feb-12 21:01:28

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SweetTheSting Wed 29-Feb-12 21:10:00


Internet connection seems a bit dodgy, I'll see how I get on.

I found this book quite a quick read (in fact I read it 2-3 weeks ago and have now forgotten some of it!), whilst some bits were interesting, I felt it was very 'American' as a lot was about assassinations and guns.

I thought his point early in the book about it was important todangerous situations aren't vanishingly rare was good.

SweetTheSting Wed 29-Feb-12 21:12:13

'to realise', I meant

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 29-Feb-12 21:14:05

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Yes I agree. Also he went straight out of the gate to highlight that he would be mainly talking about violent men as men were overwhelmingly the main perpetrators of violence. I found it chilling, the fact that one woman every 2 hrs was killed by their partner.

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 29-Feb-12 21:17:21

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StewieGriffinsMom Wed 29-Feb-12 21:18:47

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Sorry that was agreeing with SweettheSting

SweetTheSting Wed 29-Feb-12 21:19:38

Sorry about your DH sad

I see what you mean about the tension of the two theories. I liked his point that safety was a strong 'animal' concern and certainly justified abruptness if it felt under threat. There's a lot of social conditioning to 'be polite and accommodating' which I think he's right to say can override a desire to walk away from an interaction.

SweetTheSting Wed 29-Feb-12 21:22:25

It's something I want to try and work on with DS1, who is just doing Stranger Danger at school (which I am a bit surprised is still the slogan, frankly!) - as in it's OK to walk off if you feel uncomfortable.

I also have a slow connection so x-posting everywhere.

SGM hope you are OK. Totally agree about the mixed messages he was giving out. Also agree about his deconstruction of the OJ case. Very refreshing. In fact I thought all the case studies useful.

And I thought his evaluation of the medias responsibility for the portrayal of relationships and mass killings were spot on.

I think it is really really hard to relearn that part of you that feels you should be polite though. I think listening and recognising your instincts is one thing but to act on them a completely different and more difficult thing to achieve.

SweetTheSting Wed 29-Feb-12 21:29:47

gah, maybe something is wrong with MN if we are all having connection problems!

The statistic that 80% of homicides are committed by someone known to the victim seemed broadly in line with the rape statistics... I don't know what the UK number is but if it's similar then I wonder if MN could use that in the We Believe You campaign at all as part of the 'ammunition' against the 'stranger-prevalance' rape myth. post will be more on topic, promise!

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 29-Feb-12 21:32:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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