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Guidance Please !

(14 Posts)
boyfriend1550 Thu 06-Nov-14 16:30:17

Before I continue, I would like to say that I am a male who has always accepted and viewed feminism as a great movement. Most of the ideas associated (equal pay, rights, etc.) feel like second nature to me and I frequently discuss these things with my gf. On Halloween we dressed up and went to a party. She chose to wear cat ears and an outfit that she said would be cute (and it was), but she didn't wear a bra. Her top was pretty tight so her nipples were showing through pretty clearly. At first I didn't say anything, but since we were drinking by the end of the night I had commented to her about her decision not to wear a bra. She brought it up to me after and told me how it made her feel uncomfortable. I am currently trying to sort out my feelings on the matter because on the one hand, I completely respect her right to wear as she pleases, but on the other hand I don't want my girlfriend wearing skimpy clothes, and I would be sensitive to her if she were made uncomfortable by something I was wearing. If someone could provide some insight for me it would be greatly appreciated.

FrauHelga Fri 07-Nov-14 14:58:09

She can wear whatever the fuck she likes.


FrauHelga Fri 07-Nov-14 14:59:15

And who the fuck are you to tell her whether you want her to do one thing or another with her own body? And choice of clothing?

Again, HTH.

slugseatlettuce Fri 07-Nov-14 15:07:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KateeGee Fri 07-Nov-14 15:08:58

You "don't want my girlfriend wearing skimpy clothes", therefore you don't "completely respect her right to wear as she pleases"

TheCountessofFitzdotterel Fri 07-Nov-14 15:16:28

The easy bit of feminism is the bit where you agree in the abstract that women should earn as much as men. The hard bit is the bit where you have to actually let go of some privileges, like the assumption you can have a say in what she wears.

It might be interesting for you to figure out why what she wore made you uncomfortable (because you didn't want other men to fancy her? because you feel women are under too much pressure to dress to appeal to men and you think she might have felt cold?) but it's about you, not about her.

DoctorTwo Fri 07-Nov-14 15:25:36

What she wears has nowt to do with you. I hope she told you to fuck off tbh.

CrumpleHornedSnorkack Fri 07-Nov-14 15:47:30

You have been told by your girlfriend that your comments make her feel uncomfortable. Now you have two choices:

1. Accept that you have made her comfortable, respect her feelings as valid and reassess how practical feminism is in action rather than abstract detached ideas that don't enter your sphere of experience.


2. Continue to dismiss your girlfriend' experience & feelings, carry on telling her how she should be feeling and impose on her the societal privilege having a penis has given you by ensuring that only your limited view of what is feminist is allowed.


CrumpleHornedSnorkack Fri 07-Nov-14 15:48:16


FloraFox Fri 07-Nov-14 15:51:55

What TheCountess said.

BoysiesBack Fri 07-Nov-14 15:56:40

She can wear what the fuck she likes.

Saying you don't like her wearing anything 'skimpy' is controlling, misogynistic and, if I were her, I'd be running for the hills.

FuckOffGerbil Fri 07-Nov-14 17:26:22

Aw Op, think you're getting some really unfair answers here. I think you hsould check over here where you might get a more balanced view.

ballsballsballs Fri 07-Nov-14 17:45:17

She can wear what she likes. HTH.

PuffinsAreFicticious Fri 07-Nov-14 21:12:58

What crumpled said.

And what fuckoffgerbil said.

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