Should I suggest GP for DH's possible depression?

[littledutchboystoppingtheflood]

Hi all, go easy on me.

I have no experience of mental health issues and I err on the "cheer up, get cracking on something" side when I am a bit short of get up and go.

However, in the past 18 months we have:
*unexpectedly expected a baby after only a few months together
*got engaged
*bought a house (after a lot of fallings-through and financial hanging-by-a-thread)
*had the baby while living in various friends/family spare rooms
*tried to redecorate his old flat to rent out - been doing this for 15 months now
*DH was made redundant
*we got married
*I went back to work full time and baby into nursery to give DH clear time to jobhunt/decorate
*we moved into our new house
*DH got a contracting job but was terminated due to nasty internal politics

That's about it. I worked out finances last night and because I went back to work full time and it's pretty secure, we are just about ok. But we have a monthly shortfall which could easily be made up by getting the damn flat finished and otherwise we're eating into our savings, which I wanted to use asap on a building project in our home. All the flat needs is kitchen tiling and floor. But DH won't estimate a completion date or get a letting agent in.

Before he got the contracting job (which lasted 6 weeks at quite a lucrative rate) he said that in a way he liked going to the flat and doing a 'working day' because he felt less useless. Is he still doing this - is dawdling on the job an avoidance tactic?

I love him with all my heart and clearly we are not fighting the wolf from the door - I know that we are actually very lucky in lots of respects. He is so down about losing two jobs and not knowing where to go next, it has busted his confidence. He doesn't want to be reliant on me, but he gets ground down by staying at home doing the househusband side of things. (Well sort of, he likes cooking for us and takes pride in a clean kitchen etc but it's not a self-esteem-generating job exactly)

So the question is, is this a picture which could be helped by a period of antidepressants? Is that jumping in too many steps forward, should he be doing more exercise for the serotonin? "Cheer up" is obviously the wrong tack to take, and I haven't, but I want to motivate and provide options and ideas, not just say 'there there I'm here for you' as the whole point is he doesn't see a direction.

Any ideas? (sorry this is a bit long) (namechanged btw)

[PiggyMad]

Wow! Sounds like a very busy and chaotic year have perhaps caught up with him?
I'm not quite sure form your post whether he is 'down' or actually depressed, as I'm sure losing two jobs and being at home would naturally knock the self-esteem etc. I used to get rather jealous of dp when he would go out to work all day and I'd be left at home feeling sorry for myself. I'd be encouraging him to maybe plan things to do at the flat each day to give him some focus - would a timetable help him or put him under more pressure, do you think?
Is he interested in taking up jogging first thing on a morning maybe when you leave for work to get him active and motivated for the day?

[PiggyMad]

Another thought - would he perhaps like to have your dd at home maybe one or two days a week and have some family time with her, going for walks, going to toddler groups etc? Then the break from the flat work might increase his motivation and desire to get on with it if he only has, say, 3 days to do things in? Just throwing ideas around really as not sure what to advise regarding whether it is depression or not.

[littledutchboystoppingtheflood]

hi, thanks for posting. Definitely the year's events have affected him more than me. I only think he is 'a bit down' because I have no idea where the tipping point is to something clinical.

Today we went for a couple's spa day together (it was a wedding present, a 'red letter day' thing) and DH pounded out some frustration on the treadmill, so as expected the exercise gave some relief from the general malaise... he actually said he felt really good, but we came home and he said "when I get a job I'd like to do that quite regularly". So I picked him up on that (making it a reward, so when he is out of work he will feel like he can't have any nice things or experiences) and he agreed.

So, exercise planned into the timetable will definitely be part of the plan. He does do lots of the childcare and we'll look into toddler groups but TBH making new friends isn't likely to be a massive draw for him. Restricting time on the flat won't make him get on faster, as I haven't been able to pin him down to a finish date. It'll just drag on and on. The mortgage on that place is £700+ pm and it has been bloody empty for all but 5 of the last 18 months when we lived there in my mat leave (I am very frustrated about it! it's in London and could be rented and cover its costs easily. argh)

The question really is, is there a clear moment when he should 'go medical'? And how could I suggest that without being patronising?