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Having a really bad day.

(21 Posts)
luckylady Wed 10-Aug-05 11:38:15

I was put back onto anti ds about 6weeks ago....but I haven't been taking them. i know i should but i don't want to be on them again. I spent about 2years on them before also seeing a psychiatrist after suicidal thoughts etc.

I am not convinced that it is depression this time I just feel really low. Alot has to do with been out in Cyprus with no family and close friends. I have made new aquaintences, but only really see one of those once or twice a week if lucky.
I spend day in day out in the house by myself until DH gets in from work. He won't be in at all today as he is on a 24 hour duty so will be home at 7.30am tommorrow.

I have spent most of this morning crying.

I just wanted to express myself by writting it down. I know it sounds trivial compared to what other people are going through, but i just feel, empty lonely and very very sad...

acnebride Wed 10-Aug-05 11:43:59

My goodness LL, I'm not surprised that you are down.

Haven't got much to offer as I don't know about army life. Is there any 'arranged' social life, groups etc?

I would be one of the people who would say, take the anti-ds, but can understand you not wanting to, I was very happy to come off them when the time came. I did find that when i was on them and not crying all day, it helped though.

sorry not to have more to offer but just saying hi.

Lonelymum Wed 10-Aug-05 11:45:29

I know that feeling (I feel it myself at the moment). I can't really offer anything constructive to say but I do want to support you in your decision not to take the ADs if you can. Is there something positive you can do for yourself (however small) to give yourself a little boost?

bundle Wed 10-Aug-05 11:45:32

can't you just get out to the shops or have a coffee somewhere? can you get to see a dr today?

luckylady Wed 10-Aug-05 11:48:00

acnebride- there is a wives club but it very clique and not me I suppose I am in a catch 22.

I am finding it harder at the mo as dd is in the Uk with her dad she has been there for 10 days and has another 10 left
So my main company at the moment is my ds who is 14months, he can always make me laugh but its not the same.

Thank you acnebride

luckylady Wed 10-Aug-05 11:51:46

Thanks lm and bundle.

I could see a dr anytime really. But I have two packets of prozac in the house and that is all they will do for me.

the cafe on camp shuts this afternoon and dh has the car, the nearest proper town to us is atleast 20mins drive away and as it is wednesday everywhere is shut.

I was thinking off getting the car and going to the pool with ds but it is hard work on your own, to play with him inand out of the water all the time and keep him cool and shaded. or am I just making excuses up so I don't have to leave the house??

PeachyClair Wed 10-Aug-05 11:57:02

Crying isn't a bad thing, crying is good in the long run. It releases tensions.

Being isolated is horrid isn't it? I am only 50 miles from friends and family, but it might as well be 5000 as mostly they don't drive and we are rural . With your daughter being away on top, I am not surprised you are sad.

If you are not going to take the anti-d's, go back and tell your Dr at least, so he knows. He needs to be aware of where you are right now.

My DH suffers severe depression. Just from watching him, I know how hard it can be. But I guess not every down spell is depression and only you can tell the difference.

Have you thought about joining a gym or something while DD is away? As Trisha loves to tell us , exercise is good for your mood, and it might get you out and about a bit, doing something for your self esteem.

Fingers crosse for you, sending hugs

PeachyClair Wed 10-Aug-05 11:58:34

You're not making up excuses not to leave the house, but a reluctance to go and socialize, and not finding joy in doing things like that with your child can be symptomatic of the depression.

You could always phone one of the helplines here in Britain, you know?

luckylady Wed 10-Aug-05 12:00:55

peachyclair- the only reason I think it isn't depression again is that last time I couldn't function, even doing the mundane things was a huge effort, once I started taking the antids last time I realised that I couldn't even remember the last two -three weeks before I started taking them. It was like i had a big vortex in my head with everything there but not settling into place.

I am not like that this time just very sad. I suppose the heat and humidity here doesn't help as it just makes me lathargic(sp).

ScrewballMuppet Wed 10-Aug-05 12:08:08

My dh used to be in the navy so have an idea how your feeling, although never lived abroad.
I had pnd with both children which I think was more down to lonelines and trying to fit in places. i took adepresants the first time round and then refused the 2nd time, I didn't feel like me....although I'm sure they help alot of people.
It was trying to establish my self in a new area all the time that got me, I just wanted to be around people that knew me and who I could be myself with. I ended moving back home so that I would have a permanent base, but that wasn't easy either friends had moved on things had changed.
It made me realise that it takes time know matter where you are to establish yourself IYKWIM. Take support where you can get it your dh, friends your in touch with, family, speak to your gp or hv. Get yourself out and about everywhere get to see the same faces that way making it easier to strike up conversations, such as swimming or any todd groups.
I found the wife groups clique too, I used to go anyway not sure if thats right or wrong and I would find out about things that were happening round and about, which helped. I refused to take the clique personally and used to go in case anyone else went that felt like me and they was.

Don't be harsh on yourself, get yourself out and about each day, try and find positives in your surroundings (little things that you like) go anywhere and everywhere, speak to your gp and hv. I'm not sure about the army but the navy have something called SAFA that if I remember right could help put you in touch with counsellor if thats what you wanted. Perhaps the army have something like that.

Keep smiling

ScrewballMuppet Wed 10-Aug-05 12:13:25

OOps lots of typos must proofread next time

PeachyClair Wed 10-Aug-05 12:13:27

There are Army counsellors aren't there? I even remember HomeTSart had offices in some bases too. Because what youa re feeling is really common (no an ex army wife, but used to work for Homestart).

Your sadness might be a warning that depression is coming? There are varying degrees BUT I would probably feel like this if my kids were away too for so long, esp. if I was on my own.

Would a v v large bar of choccy or cake between the two of you help at all? Even if it justs gets you through this afternoon

luckylady Wed 10-Aug-05 12:18:27

sbm- yes we have ssafa (sp) to it is across all three services. Also this camp is all three services.

I understand what you are saying. Don't get me wrong when I do go out and about i do talk to people but only on a "hey hows things" basis.

The pool on camp opens in 15 mins for two hours so if ds wakes up I will take him down there for a while.

I am just feeling sorry for myself, I need to pick myself up.

I have been contemplating going back home, and getting DH yto buy a house for myself the two children and the dog then he to live in themess and come home as and when, but Idon't want to be aopart from him when it is not necessary.

luckylady Wed 10-Aug-05 12:20:15

pc- will defo have a walk to the shops this afternoon for some big badmunchies for tonight when ds has gone to bed. I have given up on the diet for now...

I may even have a glass of wine..(tonight not now)

luckylady Wed 10-Aug-05 12:20:37

also ment to say yes we do have homestart.

PeachyClair Wed 10-Aug-05 12:22:40

OK, well if you have homestart call them, they really are what they say- a friend. I used to be an Organiser, and I was always amazed what a difference it made to people to have a volunteer around for a chat sometimes. If there was one here I'd grab it like a shot.

PeachyClair Wed 10-Aug-05 12:32:04

Sorry, that sounded like an order didnt it? (DH says I am a headmistress in disguise!). I meant that I thought it would be suitable for you, a good way of getting a friend, which is basically what they provide.

Feel free to CAT me though if you want a chat, I'm isolated too like you and don't like it a bit!

luckylady Wed 10-Aug-05 13:57:46

Thanks peachyclair- all our homestart here are in there60s they like to call themselves substitute grandmas.

I took ds swimming, then went to the naafi.and stocked up on naughty foods for tonight, have consoled myself with eating it by having a chicken salade first.

luckylady Wed 10-Aug-05 13:59:33

PC- btw i didn't take your advice as an order. i took it as advice.

I do feel a bit better now I have got out of the house for an hour.
Only a couple of hours then I can phone dd and find out what she has been doing today, she was at Alton Towers yesterday so full of beans when I ophoned last night, bless her. I miss her so much.

PeachyClair Wed 10-Aug-05 18:34:21

I think you're really brave, I find it hard when DH gors away for even a day or two. Well done!

luckylady Wed 10-Aug-05 21:11:59

pc- dh isn't away (for the moment, atleast he will have tommorrow of work so we can go to a pool or something for the day.

were abouts are you? or would you rather not say online

Thanks again everyone for your advice and kind words.

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