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that big boot just kicked me again and ground me down again and

(19 Posts)
wassy Tue 09-Aug-05 21:00:26

I've had enough. Why me? I know same old song but WHY WHY WHY? It's just another kick another unexpected grinding just when I've just about got over the last kicking.

Not really expecting any replies but had to write it, can't offload to anyone else far too down for that.

Kidstrack2 Tue 09-Aug-05 21:04:13

Can you speak to me!

fostermum Tue 09-Aug-05 21:34:03

hay open up it will help

Littlestarsweeper Tue 09-Aug-05 21:35:25

We are listening

wassy Wed 10-Aug-05 21:21:02

it's all too much to bore you with. Another kick today just not my year really and keep being reminded. Just when you think you must pick yourself up that boot just comes again and kicks harder than last time.

luckylady Wed 10-Aug-05 21:33:53

we are here for you wassy...

Littlestarsweeper Thu 11-Aug-05 14:48:52

wondered where you got to Wassy. Yes,yes, we are still hear and ready to listen if you are willing to share.

wassy Fri 12-Aug-05 10:35:16

thanks for listening. Just feeling far too sorry for myself know millions are really suffering and so I should be grateful that the kicks I have to bear are nothing compared to others but it just gets too much and don't want to make dh feel worse because I feel so unhappy.

Just house falling apart, car just packed up, other things right now are huring like hell, mil is totally totally ...........can't say her behaviour is so painful, no friends I can really turn to as we moved away and friends round here are not the ones I can talk to, think my brother is an alien, by dad needs constant care as he is unable to fend for himself, dh just doesn't seem to understand so have stopped trying to be honest about how I feel, dh tries to be sympathetic and is but then suddenly it's all forgotten if it's something that affects his plans so makes me feel that all the sympathy is a show, our children aren't out of control but don't behave as I would have and I have really tried to bring them up with manners etc but feel a big part is the school they are at, and didn't want them to go to that school but dh never supports anything that needs a bit of going that extra mile and as for me I am obese and you would think the weight would drop off now as I can't stop crying but I save it all for the night when I can't sleep so I cry then eat then cry and fall asleep. I hate it all. There said it all, now aren't I shallow, hate ungrateful obese little self.

sweetkitty Fri 12-Aug-05 10:39:53

wassy you could be me today - I'm feeling the exact same, different set of problems though (won't bore you with the details) I feel like whatever I do, however optimistic I stay and try and sort things out something else comes along and kicks me in the butt.

wassy Fri 12-Aug-05 10:45:11

sweetkitty, it's just so depressing isn't it? It just makes you feel that ok yes you will stop feeling soooooooo bad and make the most of things again and be grateful/happy/whatever but at the moment it just feels like what is the point really, wish, almost wish I had never married, and therefore never had kids and then I could just leave everything behind and run like hell and and and oh well, you know pick myself up again but the pressure of having a family sometimes is a really good thing as it stops you from going too far down the depression route but right now feels like another burden to bear because I have to hide how I feel and put up with my lot. Trying sooooo hard to make sure the children are happy as I can't bear for them to be affected with how I feel and why should they your childhood is soon over and then come the stresses of life. There bet you wish I'd never started now!

Littlestarsweeper Fri 12-Aug-05 14:36:20

Wassy, have you been to GP or like me do you feel that you are not worthy of their attention given everyone elses life threatening problems?

You need help to tackle each problem at a time. I know that it would be nice to wake up and feel it has all gone to plan. By the sounds of it one problem seems to bring on another and its a case of breaking the cycle. I can see the connection between the weight issue, no time for yourself and yours and as a result of how you feel about this you conduct yourself to your children in a manner you rather you didnt.

You know none of us come from the bright and loving cornflake family, lord knows you only have to look at most of the threads on mn. Like you i bet we only see the half of it too.

You are not alone Wassy, if you need any pointers or opinions you know you can ask us without being judged. Speak to you soon

lucy5 Fri 12-Aug-05 14:48:29

Perhaps, It's the weather, I feel bloody awful lately and I wonder if its depression creeping back. Ive only ever had it mildly but its still debilitating isnt it?

wassy Sat 13-Aug-05 16:56:08

the last two postings are so so close. I have been wondering if I should go to the doctor but as you say, they are dealing with other peoples real health problems. Today I had a really hard time dragging myself up and getting on with things it took just about all morning. I was really worried and in the end the only thing that made me stand up was feeling so scared that if I didn't move soon I would never uncurl and open my eyes again.

lucy5 Sat 13-Aug-05 18:36:02

Magnesium and vitamin b6 were my saviour last time, it was bloody miraculous, so i'm going to take my advice and go and get some. Keep keeping on wassy, there's light at the end of the tunnel

Littlestarsweeper Sat 13-Aug-05 19:23:12

Wassy, Go,go,go to the doctors, if not for yourself do it for the kids. I found my GP terrific i was turned around in 6 months (no drugs) I found they didnt work for me. If you dont feel comfy with your regular doc ask receptionist who has the most sympathetic ear when it comes to depression and make an appointment with that one. Go on do it, you'll be in no time.

wassy Sun 14-Aug-05 13:32:01

scared of drugs. mag., and vit b6 sound reasonable how soon could they help though?

lucy5 Sun 14-Aug-05 13:36:13

The magnesium and vit b6 were something my body was lacking. It must have balanced things out. I also reccommended this to a friend and it worked for her too. Go to the Docs, see what they say. You dont have to take anything that you dont want to. It could be something that can be sorted quite easily. I dont like going to see the doctor but once youve gone it's not so bad. Keep you chin up,

cuddlymum Sun 14-Aug-05 14:08:20

Wassy, sounds to me like you have the world on your shoulders. Swallow your pride and get to see that doctor. I had postnatal depression after my 3rd child and hid from everyone til I had to go to the doctors for something else and then broke down. Life never seems to be how you plan it but I don't think anyone's life does mate. My car is always in the garage and my kids manners could be better but you need to sort yourself out first. What is wrong with being a little cuddly? It is what is inside that counts and as long as you have love for your children and your health that is all that matters. Things will get better for you take each day as it comes and give yourself some time. If you crumble everything else will so take care of No. 1!

Littlestarsweeper Sun 14-Aug-05 14:29:59

Wassy, GP prescribed drugs but they take 6 weeks to kick in. Well they never kicked in but i had all the side effects. I could of tried others but was desperate to jump out of this state and couldnt bare to wait another 6 weeks to see if they would work. Just like you I hate drugs, I even brave a headache without pills. The sympathy of the GP helped, the fact he called it a name so I knew it wasnt just me and he sent me for 6 weeks counselling (which wasnt enough) but must of helped. It all helped because i found reasons for my feelings and stopped blaming myself for giving everyone else a hard time. Its a strange feeling, with me it started with that light at the end of a tunnel thing, when you know you are coping a little better then its almost like you wake up one morning and you decide to take the world on. I had depression for 1.5years and recovered within 6 months of seeing the GP.

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