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Bunglie is feeling low, (Long, I am sorry)

(14 Posts)
Bunglie Tue 09-Aug-05 14:57:19

I have been away for a couple of weeks, trying to 'pull myself together'. Not only did my posting about my ds 're-bound' on me as the adoptive parents read it and it seems that they have told my dd that I am an awful person etc. etc. hence I have had no contact with her for months now. I am not sure how to rectify the situation or if to leave it up to time and see if my ds can get through to her?

Then, to top the lot, the illness I have is very rare and someone I know (we met at the hospital) who also has it, did a Newspaper intervioew. She went way OTT and said that she would be dead in 4-5 months, and that it is a terminal illness etc. A lot of my friends read this and one sent me the newspaper clipping, they all think that I am 'in denial' as what was written has to be true as it was in the newspaper and it also happens that she was a staff nurse until 18 months ago when she retired, so again people think that what she said to the press was true and she must know what she was talking about.
I saw 'our' consultant doctor yesterday, (we have the same one), and showed him the article. he told me it was a load of bo*cks and not to worry about it. I do though because all my friends now think I am going to drop dead at any minute and are treating me as if I were a delicate bit of porcelain. This is partly because of the contents of the article and also because she has had the disease only 8 years and I have been diagnosed with it for 16 yrs, so they think I am living of 'borrowed time'.

Am I being over sensitive?
How do I convince my friends that this article was not full of facts? (I did think about phoning the paper and asking them to print a correction but she would know it was me and I really do not want to get on the wrong side of her, or her dh).
How do I convince my dd that I am not the monster she has been told I am? If I write, what?

I am so sorry I feel as if I have been neglectful of you all and not been on Mnet for a while (no access where I was staying), but when I do post it is all about me and my problems. I am sorry.

franke Tue 09-Aug-05 15:07:54

Bunglie, I haven't 'spoken' to you before but have followed your threads on here after finding one by accident once. Really sorry you're feeling so low.

Have you spoken to your son since you saw him? I really think this is the way to your daughter. You had such a positive time with him and he sounds such a sensible chap, I really think your best bet is to keep the communication lines alive there rather than try to compete directly with the aps.

As to your illness - sorry I don't know. Perhaps you could just light-heartedly tell your friends exactly what your consultant said, and keep telling them.

Blu Tue 09-Aug-05 15:08:10

Oh, Bunglie, so sorry to hear of all this. I am not a regular on your threads so don't know the details of lots of this, buut it sounds very hard to deal with and I am not surprised that you are feeling low.

As for the newspaper article, I honestly think it will be best just to take no notice and let the moment pass. After all - it can't go on for more than 4-5 months before they realise that you are NOT going to drop dead in that time, can it? How silly and frustrating to have to deal with such nonsense.

And, as it happens, what I do know of you is that you are making people laugh and being a generally good and kind soul more than going on about your problems - so there!

Fio2 Tue 09-Aug-05 15:20:21

No you are not being sensitive. i think it is normal to feel hurt. Your friends are most probably being well meaning and care about you but I dont see how it would anyone if you were in denial (which i know you are not) to keep telling you deal with it and that you are going to die ffs.

My sister lived with a chronic illness for all her life and tbh it would shock alot of people to know what other people say to you when they think they are being well meaning.

With your daughter, maybe let the dust settle first and then write a letter? It sounds very harrowing for you

Oh bunglie I just want to give you a big hug!

WigWamBam Tue 09-Aug-05 15:22:30

Oh, Bunglie, I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this, especially after the joy of your weekend with your ds.

Your ds knows the truth, and he is in the best position to talk to your dd. He has met you, he likes you and he believes you - he has to be your biggest ally in getting your dd to see the truth. Have you had any contact with him since then? Perhaps you can ask him about your dd next time you are able to speak to him.

Can you "google" your illness, or do you have any books or articles that you can show your friends? It sounds as if either this other lady, or probably the newspaper, have tried to make the story more dramatic, and I don't think there's anything to be gained by trying to get a correction printed. There is something to be gained, though, in making your friends aware of the truth - part of which is that you have a more positive attitude than the other lady does, and that counts for so much.

You never cease to amaze and inspire me, and I am continually humbled by the way that you manage to keep so calm and dignified in the face of everything that has been going on in your life, and that you manage to keep your sense of humour. I'm so sorry that you feel so bad now, but I hope things start to look more positive soon.

I don't very often do these but I am always happy to make an exception for you ... so {{{{{hugs}}}}}, and I hope things start to feel a bit better soon.

Bunglie Tue 09-Aug-05 15:24:45

Blu,Franke - Thank you.

I have not been able to speak to my ds recently but the last time I did speak to him (2-3 weeks agao), it was then he told me what the AP's had been saying to my dd. He did not feel that now was the right time to ask her if she would like to come on holiday with us as she would probably say 'no', as she thinks that I really do have this MSbP and the letter she was given by the AP's (early), saying that she had to be adopted because of me and it would not have been safe to leave her in my care, she apparently now believes. I got the impression talking to ds that she had told him he was 'stupid' or something along those lines to be 'taken in' by me now.
Maybe my imagination is working overtime?
I wish I could explain the impact that this newspaper article has had. Do you believe what you read in the newspaper, (not a tabloid!) but especially if you don't know anything else about the subject?
The Headline on the front page said "..........For Dying Woman" and it then continued on page 2, so it was not just a short piece and it had about 3-4 photos to.

Someone tell me to 'pull myself together' and 'stop wallowing in self-pity' please.

Bunglie Tue 09-Aug-05 15:29:59

Fio2, WWB and anyone else who posts while I am typing this!
THANK YOU

I knew MNet would give me sensible advice. I now feel mopre guilty for not posting for so long!!

WWB, My illness is that rare that there is only about 5 sentences on it on the e-medicine site and it does not really say anything useful....but it was a good idea. Thanks.

WigWamBam Tue 09-Aug-05 15:34:05

Do you think that your consultant would be prepared to write a little bit about your illness down for you, so that you could at least get your friends off your back for a while? There's nothing worse than people who seem to think that they've got to treat you like porcelain.

Would you consider being blunt with them, and telling them not to be so bl&&dy morbid - you're not planning on going anywhere, and you'd be grateful if they'd stop acting as if they were planning your wake? They might see how upsetting it is for you.

Bunglie Tue 09-Aug-05 15:38:23

WWB - I am not sure my consultant would do this but I can but ask. Good idea.

I prefer your second suggestion and wish I hafd the courage to say something like that. I do feel exactly that way though!

I wish I could just 'shake' myself out of this silly depressed mood.

WigWamBam Tue 09-Aug-05 15:41:58

If that's how you feel, m'dear, then tell them. Or if you haven't got the courage to do it to their faces, write them a letter - or even print this thread off so that they can see how you feel.

Depressed moods aren't easy to shake, are they - and you know, given the kind of things you've had to deal with lately, it's hardly surprising that you feel low. Is there anything nice that you can do for yourself that might take your mind of things and make you feel a little better - go down to the beach, get dh to take you out and buy you something nice, drool at a picture of Padders for a few minutes? I'm being flippant, but perhaps it would be a good thing to do to just be nice to yourself for a little while.

Bunglie Tue 09-Aug-05 15:59:20

WWB - Drool at Padders? Me?

You are right....it is a beautiful day and I think I shall go and spend some money! It always makes me feel better a good shopping spree!! At this time of year I try to avoid the beach -uhg 'Grockles'! (a local word for tourists). Mind you 'Grockle watching' is quite funny in itself so I think I shall do that on my way to the shops.

I shall check that the 'granny cart' as my ds called it is fully charged and head into town for the rest of the afternoon.

Thank you and I will log on later or tommorrow to tell you how much of dh's money I spent!!
I think I will also try and phone ds tonight and try to be more positive about things.

With regard to my friends, I feel a bit guilty because I know that they all have good intentions and I will try an internet search this evening to see if I can find anything more which I can show them.

WigWamBam Tue 09-Aug-05 16:09:22

Retail therapy ... an excellent idea

Hope you feel a bit more positive soon, Bunglie.

oops Tue 09-Aug-05 16:17:13

Message withdrawn

mishmash Tue 09-Aug-05 18:22:47

Hi Bunglie
I followed your thread at Christmas and had my candle lighting in the window for you and explained with tears in my eyes to the kids why I was doing it.

So sorry that you are going through all this pain - you don't deserve it.

I hope that true happiness will come your way soon and that you will be reunited with DS too.

Shame on the AP's if they have read your threads and have not felt your pain or shown you compassion.

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