I get so anxious about the baby's health...

[bearcrumble]

That's it really.

I realised just now when I hijacked a thread about Measles over on AIBU.

I am SO frightened of him getting ill, it makes me feel sick and unhappy.

Most of the time I enjoy him but frequently I obsess over something happening to him and think about how I would want to die if he was taken away from me.

It was difficult to get pregnant, had IVF and the pregnancy was high risk and I had to have a c/s at 35 weeks - don't think at my age I will manage it again.

[M32song]

the depth of anxiety that I felt as a new mother came as a real shock to me too. It's completely natural especially when you've only had yourself to worry about for so long.

But if the anxiety is making you feel ill then that's not right. How would you feel about talking to someone about your worries, like a HV maybe? How are you feeling in yourself otherwise?

[bearcrumble]

I'm ok and I am happy a lot of the time - it is just when these thoughts creep in I can't get rid of them and I do thinks like lots of googling which I know is going to send the anxiety levels even higher.

I was so worried about getting post natal depression but I didn't realise that post natal illness covers this sort of thing too.

I have had problems with depression and anxiety in the past - I stopped taking anti depressants a couple of years ago but I needed them for 2 months again in 2008.

I was so focussed on getting through the pregnancy and getting him out alive that I thought it would all be plain sailing after that highly anxious time. I suppose then I had something real to be frightened about and now my free floating axiety is attaching itself to anything and everything that could happen to him.

I even started contemplating cancelling a get-together I'm hosting tomorrow because I was thinking what if one of the other babies has chickenpox/measles etc. I haven't though and I'm not going to.

I have a great husband and my mum lives nearby and I have made quite a few friends from local postnatal groups so I am not isolated and I do go out and about.

I would talk to a HV - but I guess I know what I have to do, I had CBT privately for quite a while. I need to do the things CBT taught me - stop and challenge intrusive thoughts and not follow the old patterns that are so easy to fall into.

[M32song]

You've taken the most important step by recognising that the anxiety needs attention. I've heard very good things about CBT. Hope it helps you. Enjoy the get-together.

[TottWriter]

I wouldn't avoid talking to your HV just because you've identified the problem. They might be able to help fast-track you to getting some CBT - I know from bitte experience that waiting lists can drag out in a lot of the country.

It's a big positive that you have identified that you need help (it's more than I managed after becoming a mum), so now you need to get as many people helping you as you can. That's why they're there, after all. Your HV will know who to call and what to say, and can refer you to people to talk to to help. You might benefit from a few straight counselling sessions with someone you can just talk to as well as active CBT. Hope I've been of some help - I ended up calling the Samaritans when things got too much for me post-natally, and just telling someone my worries did help relieve them a little.

[sungirltan]

its the intrusive thoughts! seriously put that in the advanced search there were a few threads about them.

to the best of my knowledge its normal for motherhood to make you what seems like paranoid.

good luck

[sungirltan]

have a look here

[bearcrumble]

Thanks sungirltan - that is it to a tee.

I will call the health visitors tomorrow.

[RobynLou]

I was extremely anxious when I was diagnosed with pnd, I was more anxious than depressed.
hope you get the help you need

[sungirltan]

no probs bearcrumble. i had it from late pregnancy until about 4 months after dd was born. i still do but only if i get a bit tired/overwhelmed. i think i decide if it progressed much past 3 months i was going to get help becuae it got to the point where i didnt enjoy dd at all in the weay i thought i should - almost like i was scared to love her because i was so convinced something awful would happen to her.

the onkly thing i cant quit is checking on dd about a million tmes before i go to sleep but now shes 8 months at least i dont feel like i'm going mad all the time!

[bearcrumble]

Just to update - I cancelled the thing at my house because I just had a panic attack every time I thought about it but I have just one friend coming over which I can deal with.

I rang the health visitors and someone is calling me back after their meeting. I feel better for having told someone.

Thanks again for all the replies and support last night - I was really going to pieces and DH is abroad for work.