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I feel quite low, could do with some friendly advice.

(29 Posts)
Nbg Sat 06-Aug-05 22:05:10

I was going to change my name but don't really see the point.

I just feel really low atm and have done for a few weeks. I think it's a combination of things but a worrying one is that I think things may be coming to an end with dh.

We haven't said anything to each other but it's just little things we say and do and sometimes I'm sure we look at each other and realise things aren't right.
There would be so many problems if we did seperate and tbh I can't quite believe I'm actually admitting it. Maybe things can be patched up, I don't know. He spends so much time working and if he's at home we never do anything as a family hardly and we never do anything as a couple as he hates going out.

My anxiety/phobia is also making a come back when I thought it was on it's way out which is something else. I'm almost sure it's triggered when I know dh is going to be working for a long time and I know I'm going to be on my own for while. It's seems silly really considering things aren't fantastic atm.

I don't really understand why I've bothered posting this tbh but if anyone could offer some good advice and make me feel less pants I would appreciate it but please please no one cat me as dh will see it!

Lonelymum Sat 06-Aug-05 22:07:33

So sorry nbg. But if you don't want the relationship to end, then fight for it! Don't give up hope yet! Big hugs to you.

Yorkiegirl Sat 06-Aug-05 22:07:59

Message withdrawn

MrsGordonRamsay Sat 06-Aug-05 22:08:43

please no one cat me as dh will see it!

MrsGordonRamsay Sat 06-Aug-05 22:09:16

Sorry I nearly missed this bit so thought I would highlight it.

Nbg Sat 06-Aug-05 22:10:06

Thanks both

Nbg Sat 06-Aug-05 22:10:30

Thanks Mrs G!

MrsGordonRamsay Sat 06-Aug-05 22:11:52

You are welcome honey

I am only good at being slightly funny on here.

Crap at support, so tend to avoid it IYKWIM.

hunkermunker Sat 06-Aug-05 22:13:07

Don't give up on your relationship - it just sounds like neither of you has the energy to make the effort rather than you loathe each other.

Think about what you enjoy about him - why did you fall in love with him? Talk to him! And plan something to do when he is at home, so you can all look forward to it.


Nbg Sat 06-Aug-05 22:13:12

Funny is more than welcome. I could do with a good laugh.

MrsGordonRamsay Sat 06-Aug-05 22:15:27

This made me lol earlier, not just mine

Nbg Sat 06-Aug-05 22:17:59

I remember 2 months before I conceived dd I had a conversation with a girl who was fed up of her boyfriend and she asked me if I was fed up being with dh (who was dp at the time) and I said no of course not. Her reply was how can you be so sure to which I said, I still get butterflies before I'm about to see him.

It might sound silly but I was always desperate to see him and could'nt wait to get home from work so we could spend time together.

I don't know what to do. If I did talk to him I wouldn't have a clue where to start or what to say.

Nbg Sat 06-Aug-05 22:19:44

That is funny


jayzmummy Sat 06-Aug-05 22:22:08

Could you try and talk to your DH about the way you feel that you aren't spending enough quality time with each other?

Maybe cook a nice meal...put the children to bed early...turn off the TV...put on some nice music and chill out together.

Someone once said to me that the best way to keep your marriage alive was to hold on to the reasons why you got together in the first place. I know its hard with the everyday family stuff, to let things slip and then the next thing you know you are hardly talking.

Hope things work out and that you can get some help and advice with regards to your anxieties.

Nbg Sat 06-Aug-05 22:28:29

It must be true JM.

If he makes an effort then I'm sure we can make it work. It would be nice just once a month at least to get out of the house together without dd and spend some god time together but he hates going out for meals or to the pub (he doesn't drink) and if we do go for a meal I don't enjoy because I know he doesn't want to be there.

jayzmummy Sat 06-Aug-05 22:33:38 how about the cinema or theatre?
There's always bowling too.
You could go along with another couple just so its not the two of you and you find yourself struggling to hold a conversation.

Its really hard for DH and I to go out together because J has SN and the last time we left him he climbed through the window in his PJ's trying to find us!

DH and I have our "us" time...TV is on...candles lit...takeaway and a bottle of plonk. We need that time to remember that we are a couple and not just a Mum and Dad.

Nbg Sat 06-Aug-05 22:39:44

Cinema is good, we both like going. We do spend time with dh's brother and his girlfriend too.

I think I'm just going to have to pluck up the courage and talk to him, ask him if he's happy.
We had a similar thing before xmas last year but things were'nt as bad then. We talked it out but that was only because it started as a row. I really don't want to go down the arguing path.

RachD Sat 06-Aug-05 22:43:49

Need a laugh - see health: DS penis size?!
This made me lol , many times.
Some postings were utterly brilliant.

I agree with hunkermunker - "Don't give up on your relationship - it just sounds like neither of you has the energy to make the effort rather than you loathe each other. "

Talk to him.
Your relationship is far, far from the needing to quit stage.

"It might sound silly but I was always desperate to see him and could'nt wait to get home from work so we could spend time together. " I felt like that for the first four years of our relationship. Every day, felt it relly bad.

Since ds born , not quite the same.
But I strive, to get that feeling back.

jayzmummy Sat 06-Aug-05 22:49:32

I hope it doesnt end up in an arguement.

Maybe you could just organise a night out and have a really good time. Then after the event talk to him about how nice it was to be doing something as a couple. Talk about how much fun you had and how it would be good to have more times like it.

IMO if you argue about going out/doing more together then when you do go out you both end up feeling under pressure to have a good time.


Nbg Sat 06-Aug-05 22:53:34

I won't fool myself, it's a bit of a bad time to bring it up as he's on a 6 day work stretch of which 3 nights are spent away from home so he'll be stressed out and tired from that.
Then after those 6 days he has 3 off and another 8 on with 4 nights away!

jayzmummy Sat 06-Aug-05 23:03:57

Ok...whilst he is away, how about you plan an evening out for the nights he is home.Something special without him knowing?

It will be a nice surprise for him and also will give you something to look forward to whilst he is away.

I hope you can sort this out because it just sounds like you dont have enough time to enjoy each other.

Nbg Sat 06-Aug-05 23:07:48

I think tomorrow I'll talk to him and then arrange a date for us to go out, get Mil to babysit.

He'll probably start whining about money if I arrange something, lol!

Nbg Mon 15-Aug-05 14:34:55


Just a little update.
The day I was going to talk things through didn't go well as dh came home from work and immeadiatly turned on his playstation and sat on it all night!

But things came to a head the other night. He was being a real s* so I just burst and told him to f off and sort his head out as I couldn't cope anymore. We didn't speak the reat of the night but the next morning he apologised and made me brekkie in bed!

Over the last few days we have talked about other things like making more of an effort when it comes to spending time together and as a family. I have promised myself to pass my driving test so I'm not dependant on dh and I've arranged a day out with my mum doing lunch, shopping and staying over at her house which I'm really looking forward to.

My anxiety hasn't been too bad either which is suprising considering dh is working for the next 8 days.

So things are looking up atm. I hope it stays like it too!

Eaney Mon 15-Aug-05 14:58:08

I often feel that I fel more like my old self when I have a bit of fun with my pre-baby friends. Feeling more like my old self translates into looking at my DP the way I used to.

I think you lose part of yourself when you have children and start to look at things and people differently. I think you should try and establish some sort of social life with old friends and see where it leads.
Listen to me - Doctor heal thyself.

Nbg Mon 15-Aug-05 16:13:01

The sad thing is Eaney, is that I don't really have any friends. I am quite close with my BIL's girlfriend but when it comes to this sort of thing I don't feel comfortable discussing it with her. My only one other friend lives 50 miles away and tbh we've really grown apart over the last few years. I only see her once a year.

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