Anxiety

[ladyofshallots]

I am feeling constantly anxious at the moment. I can't relax and feel tense, with a feeling of dread hanging over me all the time. Little things can set me off into floods of tears and I am lacking in energy.

I have 3 under 5s and find each day very long and lonely. I am losing my temper easily and am shouty and irritable.

dh thinks I am fine and it is just that I have had things on my mind. I am worrying about money constantly, as ds1 did not get into a good state primary and so we are sending him private. Things will be very tight next year, so it has been a worry.

I just don't know whether it is more than just natural worries though. I feel like a rubbish mum and I have to force myself to do things with the kids sometimes. I just feel like sitting indoors on the computer all day, which I know isn't healthy.

I got some bad feedback on ebay recently because a parcel got lost in the post. It has been resolved now, but it had me in floods of tears and feeling as if my entire character had been judged and found lacking. That is not a normal reaction, is it?

I have always been an anxious type anyway, so this could be a temporary blip. Just wondered what others thought?

[poshtottie]

I felt like this last year. I totally burnt myself out so went to my GP. I didn't want anti-depressants but have had CBT and I have had hypnotherapy. Am feeling so much better.

I'm not suprised you are exhausted with 3 children.

I am prone to anxiety but it has got worse since I had children.

Don't ignore it as it won't go away. Take care.

[ladyofshallots]

Thanks, it helps to talk about it here. Was wondering if I should go to the GP or if it wasn't really serious enough.

Have v demanding 6 month old and two older children competing for my attention when I just want to be alone sometimes. At the same time I feel lonely if that makes sense?

Dh usually gets back from work at 8pm, so it is a long day on my own.

Just hate the tight stomach churning feeling I have.

[poshtottie]

I really think you should see your GP.

I know what you mean about feeling lonely. My dh is away for several months. I think its very isolating been at home but seems such an effort to get out sometimes.

it doesn't sound like you get much time to yourself.

[poshtottie]

I knew that I needed to sort it as I wanted to look back on ds's young life and say it was really fun and I enjoyed it.

[PiggyMad]

It gets worse for me when I'm cooped up in the house by myself for hours on end so I can understand you feeling isolated as your dp works late. Even though I don't always feel like going out and meeting people I always feel better afterwards. Are there are toddler groups nearby to break the day up a bit? I also find that the busier I am, the less time I have to worry.

[ladyofshallots]

Thanks for your reply - it does seem like an effort doing things at the moment and going outside feels like a big chore, although I feel better when I manage it.

I don't get any time to myself really.

Had PND after dd was born and was referred for an assessment for CBT, but the therapist didn't seem to think I needed it and referred my to a PND support group, which was useless.

I think CBT would help, but feel reluctant to ask again.

[ladyofshallots]

Thanks PM, there are a few toddler groups. Will go to one tomorrow and see how we get on.

[PiggyMad]

Don't beat yourself up if you can't face it or whatever (what I tend to do if I back out of something ) it's not worth making yourself worse by putting extra pressure on, but it might just help. Also if you're feeling anxious or down then there's a few of us on the anxiety club thread for support

[poshtottie]

Go get yourself on the list as it might be a wait. A book they recommend is Mind over Mood. It is available from the library.

Do you have any help with the children? Could you join a gym with a creche or go to a yoga class.

[PiggyMad]

Just thought as well - mood gym website does online cbt type exercises and I find it quite helpful. I should take more of my own advice lol

[ladyofshallots]

Thanks, it does really help to know I'm not alone, so will look at that thread. It is hard, because I can't always identify why I feel anxious.

I'm constantly thinking of problems and trying to solve them in my head and it keeps me awake at night. When I do get to sleep ds wakes me up.

[ladyofshallots]

Yoga sounds like bliss. Have never left ds, as am breastfeeding - but hopefully it will get easier to leave him. Suppose dh could have all three for a hour or so at the weekend if I could find somewhere to go, or take them out while I have a soak in the bath.

[scurryfunge]

See your GP definately who will address your sleep problems....it is amazing what you can cope with with a decent night's sleep.
If money really is an issue then you will seriously have to question whether you should be paying for a private education. Private education is not the be all and end all....bright children do very well in the state sector and there is no reason why you should bankrupt the family.

[poshtottie]

Now thats more like it. Start thinking of yourself for a change.

[hairymelons]

ladyofshallots, I had hypnotherapy for anxiety and found it very effective. Had already been down the route of ADs and CBT for previous episodes of depression. They were fantastic (took ADs for 5 years, they really saved me) but I was having a terrible time with anxiety after DS1 was born. I didn't want to do CBT or talking therapies again (didn't have the energy as DS v demanding and barely slept) so I tried hypnotherapy- I wanted someone else to do the work for me & 'fix' my problem IYSWIM.

Anyway, it was very, very effective. Had been anxious my whole life but haven't been anxious AT ALL since my treatment a year ago. I've learnt a new coping skill so I feel confident that when those dark thoughts start creeping back in, as they may well do when number 2 is born, I will have something to combat them with.

That's just my experience, and I know it's not for everyone but just wanted to let you know that it's an option for you.

Do talk to your GP, hopefully you will get a referral quickly. If you end up having a long wait you could always give hypnotherapy a go, it'll be relaxing and time just for you if nothing else

[ladyofshallots]

The alternative is a dreadful school in special measures and we can (just) afford the private school. Don't feel like we have a choice.

Thanks poshtottie, think an hour of childfree time would really help

[ladyofshallots]

Thanks hairymelon - think this thread has convinced me to see the GP (if I can make myself do it that is. Am anxious about that too). It can only help.

The money/school thing not really cause of my anxiety - feel if I wasn't anxious about that then there would be something else for me to worry about. It is non-specific anxiety if you see what I mean?

Hypnotherapy sounds interesting, have had it for something else before, so may consider it.

Am off to bed now, so will read replies in the morning - thank you all for taking the time to reply to this, it has helped a lot

[scurryfunge]

Schools in special measures have all the money and expert teaching thrown at it...it's not always a bad thing. Plenty of my classmates all managed to get a decent degree from a failing school. Anyway, of course that is your choice....just don't make yourself ill with the worry....it can't be good for you and what is the point of having well educated children who are desperately unhappy because of their mum's anxiety?

[ladyofshallots]

You're right scurryfunge, think I need to keep the schools thing in perspective, too. It is not worth all this worry. I need to see how we get on next year, but try not to worry myself sick about it!

[poshtottie]

Just a last message before I should think about going to bed. My hypnotherapist made up cds for me and I listened to them at home. I actually remembered what it felt like to be relaxed.

[hairymelons]

Think I was similar in that I would be anxious about particluar things (money etc.) but that was just an outlet rather than the cause. We have exactly the same money issues now but they don't cause me the stress they used to.

It must be so hard looking after 3 small children whilst you feel so awful- I couldn't cope with just one. Please do see your GP. If they are not helpful or understanding, change GPs. I did so a year ago (previous GP was worse than useless) and haven't looked back since.

Good luck and g'night

[hairymelons]

How's it going, lady?

[nomdeplum]

Hairymelons,

Which hypnotherapist did you see? I'm thinking of giving it a try for my anxiety. Many thanks.