*I've hit rock bottom*

[butty]

never been so down in my life. i have posted several threads regrading ADHD etc but not much joy. cant take any more crap in my life,i've been through too much already and i'm only 24!! My son has CP & GDD, my daughter suspected ADHD, my partner a sheer w*ker that never helps but just critisises and me with a managerial job that i cant even keep my eyes or mind on the job let alone hold it down. I have started drinking more often like 4 - 5 times a week with my only friend who at times seems to think she knows it all and on a thursday i go to the pub with my mum & bro, get totally pi*ed, sing a song and get so steaming i don't remember getting home never mind how i got there!! Is it just me overeacting or have the drugs stopped working!!!?? ie: the 3 prozac a day, the tamazipam and all the other crap they perscribe me with??? Feel that if things get any worse that i shall curl up in a ball and hibinate for eternity!! Pressure of it all just going over my head and i have lost the will to carry on suffering in silence and bang my head at a brick wall at least 50 times a day with daughter & boyfriend and yet my son is wonderful, happy despite his problems. Even feel that i am letting him down.

[butty]

Anyone there? Please.

[Verso]

I'm here - but I don't know what to say to help apart from sending you a hug...

[sparklymieow]

I am 26, and have 2 children with CP. I know its hard, but you need to be strong for your kids, I also supect that my dd1 has ADHD. Have you spoken to social service about respite care??

[fastasleep]

Aww butty I don't know what to say except maybe you should go and see your psychiatrist/doctor and see if they can do something about your meds? It might help!

[SenoraPostrophe]

it's not surprising it's getting too much.

can you go back to the docs (or to another doc) re the drugs? And aren't you supposed to stay teetotal on them? (I don't know, but a friend had to).

[Verso]

btw I am sure you are not letting your son down - especially as you say he is happy. It sounds like you have a huge amount to deal with and I'm not surprised you feel low sometimes.

[butty]

Thanks guys, I was referred to social services in april but since then they have done an assesment and have said they feel that i am coping and that should maybe get more support by partner but like that will eva happen!! Regarding the meds i am always at the docs having them swapped and chopped, but nothing seems to work. I had a councilor for 6 months but she said that she was of no use to me as i was strong willed and new how to deal with things, which is not the case as things are getting to the stage where i just cry at night and wish that my life wasnt like this. I have always had a strong character and a lot of friends, but since having kids they have all dissapeared off the face of the earth so now i have the 1 friend of whom is doing my tits in thinking she knows it all and that my daughter does'nt have ADHD and that i should be firm with her bladi bladi blah etc etc.. they say that life can only get better but mine degresses day by day. Tried everything, just does'nt work. Maybe it's just me?

[sparklymieow]

phone SS again, we were refused respite to begin with, then I had a breakdown and we now have 6 hours a week.

[butty]

i rung them on monday and they said that i have to wait another 6 months for referal as my case has just been closed. My local home start have me on their list, but as of yet are unable to match a volunteer to my situ!! I think that if i have a nervous breakdown then maybe someone will listen, but the docs already know that i'm on the verge of cracking up and breaking down and if that was to happen they'd probably have me secluded and assesd as there is a lot of mental health problems within my family and i don't want to be taken away from my kids and be made to look kike an unfit parent, but that's how i feel now as physically and emotionally challenged to do things with the kids bar from shout, scream and pull my hair out. Chloe does'nt care as i think she gets kicks from the whole situ and if only she could realise that her behaviour is turning me into a crack. Although i would never blame her as i know it is no fault of hers. If only she could be seen much sooner i may start getting help. and i pester the pros all the time to get somewher.

[butty]

is there any way of skipping the 6 month wait as of situ and chloe's issues have been confirmed (well sort of)? I think that they are not taking me seriously or that they just dont have staff to do all over again.

[RnB]

Message withdrawn

[SenoraPostrophe]

butty - the counsellor probably meant that you didn't seem to be getting anywhere with her - counselling is a very personal thing and there are a number of different approaches. It may be that a different approach - and a different counsellor - will help.

It's also possible (and do feel free to ignore this if you think it's out of line) that she meant that you know how to fix things, but that you don't. She would only have been partly right if at all, and your life is never going to be really easy, but are there things you could change which might help? Giving your partner a big kick up the bum would be one thing, I think. Also if you do find another counsellor, don't feel you have to hide anything.

[butty]

just phoned them again after all your advises but they are still saying that i have to wait and that in order for me to get seen sooner thay need a referal from docs confirming DX of chloe of which i hav'nt got as only formal by the pead. I think i shall drag chloe to their office next thurs when broken up from school and unleash her on them till they listen.!! you never know, it may work. Talking on here is helping as i feel that people have experienced or heard these kinda problems before. The main thing is ADULT CONVERSATION. whats that about???!! Seems ages since last having one, so it makes a difference, that is until i get home and all hell breaks loose, then trying to get on PC is a no no coz the arse is always on it. So lets just say i'm glad i'm a manager or i might be monitered for lack of work!!!!

[butty]

Senora, i never hide or disclose anything when in councilling. its just that i always seem to know the answer or more so how to handle it when speaking about it, but phsically and emotionally putting my own words into practise does'nt help. The other thing, my partner would'nt care if i stuck a rifle up hes jaxie and threatened to shoot. He would still be an arogant and ignorant so & so, but if i kick him out, i know i would'nt survive the torture of the kids and life itself on my own. Besides he makes a great and cheap babysitter when i want to get out when the kids are in bed!!!!!!!

[butty]

bump..

[butty]

Well back at work after possibly the worse weekend ever!! Kids have driven me up the wall and have told my partner i want his bags packed befor i get home from work today after a weekend of tears and rowing over how much of an incompitent mother i am?!!! What the hell does he know. apparantly because i am severely depressed, i am now a NUT JOB in his eyes and also a druggie because i had a HM Hm instead of tamazies to chill me out on saturday night and last night. I get chloes school report today and am dreading it and it has also just dawned on me that they both break up in 2 days for 6 whole weeks.!! Talk about bad weekends now its gonna be bad weeks and now no one at home to help other than me??!!!!

[butty]

Partner has just rung at work explaining that he is somewhat sorry for his attitude and that he is finding it difficult that his daughter has been given a label and feels she has been worse since being seen by the doctors as he has suggested it may have made her feel special to be naughty and aggressive.He is talking out of his jaxie and i feel this could be him trying to undo the arguments of this weekend by me telling him that he can stay. I feel as though he is lying so that he does not have to leave and that by the end of the week it will back to normal.!!!