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Support thread for those with PND

(281 Posts)
not4anotherday Mon 08-Feb-10 12:39:27

Hi there,

I thought a support thread might help me and others to get through this. smile

I think I have got PND again, I was diagnosed when my baby was about 5 months and took ads for a few months (I was ill and could'nt stomach them and thought I was ok without them). blush

Anyway it has dawned on me that it may well be back. sad I think a friendship (that was very special to me) ending may well have triggered it before christmas.

So, here I am just about to meet a friend (who is lovley) but I don't really feel like it and think this friendship will probably end at some point like most of them. I am worried that I will say or do something wrong. I know I need to get a grip. blush

Then there is the crying, unable to get off to sleep, late evening is when I feel worst.... snappy with the kids.....feel like I need to go on holiday and get away from it all (no my family).....will be but not for 5/6 weeks.

I keep worrying that DH is going to leave me - he might if I keep being so pathetic.

So, on that cheery note anyone else?

not4anotherday Mon 08-Feb-10 12:44:46

Also, have lots of feelings of not being good enough, I love my DC and think I am an ok mum but know I could be better. I'm a crap at housework too!

BeckyBendyLegs Mon 08-Feb-10 12:50:38

I'll join you. I have 'mild' PND but my biggest problem is sleep. I had my third DS in November and I think Christmas set me off plus other factors such as stopping work, desperately wanting a third DC and forgetting what the reality was like! After Christmas I went to GP after anxiety and sleeplessness - was given ADs but hated them so stopped - made me feel so ill. I took sleeping pills for two weeks, then herbal ones, now none at all but have been taking a homeopath remedy and using hypnotherapy on my ipod! Getting there I hope (on the sleep thing). I also attend a 'transition into motherhood' group run by HVs for people with varying degrees of PND which is fantastic.

I worry about DH too as he has been fantastic so far but surely there is a limit? He's been looking after DS3 in the night for a month now while I try to sort out my sleep problem.

Ho hum. What fun!

BeckyBendyLegs Mon 08-Feb-10 12:56:56

I'm crap at housework too and also have the 'I'm not a good mummy' feelings too.

ErikaMaye Mon 08-Feb-10 16:28:36

* waves to BBL *

Can I join you? Am 18, my DS is nearly 13 weeks. Was doing okay, and then a few weeks ago I just started to fall apart.

BeckyBendyLegs Mon 08-Feb-10 16:41:43

* waves back to Erika *

Crap, isn't it? I feel so tired today - just tried to have a nap but too tired to sleep. How crap is that? I'm just so shattered.

ErikaMaye Mon 08-Feb-10 16:48:36

I hate it when it gets like that. My Gawd damned PITA ME has flared up too, so have insomnia... And Bryn is sure 4am is play time... * sighs *

Have you tried this breathing technique? Breathe in to the count of three, out to the count of six. Focus entirely on the numbers. It sometimes helps.

not4anotherday Mon 08-Feb-10 17:35:31

Hi Becky and Erika,

Thanks for joining me - that has helped me feel better already! smile I am sorry that you to are going through this as well. sad

Back in a bit - just doing tea.

Triggles Mon 08-Feb-10 17:52:05

Can I join in? Not a clue if this is PND, but I just feel so stressed and out of control. I know I have been short of sleep in a big way. DH works nights, so is gone at night and is asleep during the day, so I swear at times I feel like a single parent. I often get frustrated as I want him to just take over with the kids (3yo and 6 month old boys) so I can have a break, but then my "break" consists of laundry, doing bottles, washing up, cooking, whatever. Or he'll take over cooking the meal, but then I've got the boys again and no break. I sometimes feel like I really have to stomp my feet sometimes to be heard. And DH is actually quite good about doing stuff around the house, but I think he feels that because he doesn't get a whole lot of time around the boys during the week that he doesn't deal with them well (lack of confidence in his parenting abilities IMO, compounded by a bit of impatience when they're fussy and he can't figure out why right away) so any difficulties and they're handed back to me right away.

I find myself constantly being angry with him and feel a bit deserted, TBH. I do think that a lot of the anger and stress are out of proportion to the reality of the situation though. Thankfully, he is dropping some work hours starting in April, as I have been ill (diverticular disease which seems to really rage when I'm stressed, which I have been constantly lately).

I have no family nearby, and I'm not close to them anyway (long story). DH's father died last spring, and although his family is close, the aftershocks of it are still flying around. MIL & SIL are great, but I don't feel comfortable venting to them about feeling angry at DH. We moved here to be close to DH's family (which is fine, as I said, they are great), but I have no close friends at all - not really even much in the way of acquaintances. I know I need to get out more and do things, but I'm so stressed that the thought of taking both kids out (3yo is a runner and really needs a close eye!) makes me feel incredibly incompetent... and then I get frustrated at myself as I have always been proud of the fact that I could pretty much cope with anything thrown my way....until now... sigh

Now that you probably think I'm mad... please tell me others feel this way too. I'll be careful to point out that I am not feeling in any way like harming anyone or myself.... but on a number of occasions lately I would have cheerfully packed DH's bags and sent him packing to MIL's to live. And other than being grouchy (which he has been a lot, but then so have I) and acting in general like a man hmm he hasn't done much too terrible ....

not4anotherday Mon 08-Feb-10 20:14:36

Becky - I have suffered from insomnia in the past, it is a PITA. I still find it hard to get off. I am BFing but used to find herbal sleeping tablets and a couple of glasses of wine good. wink Our poor DHs, I don't know - hopefully they will hang in there!

Erika - I go through peaks and troughs, sometimes everything is great and the bang - I've fell apart. Hang in there. sad

Well I met up with my friend and her baby and it has really lifted my mood, have also made a doctor's app to ask for ad's. Just knowing I am doing somthing poitive seems to help. smile

Narketta Mon 08-Feb-10 20:24:22

Can I join you? I have had PND with both of my DC. DS is 4 and DD is almost 2 some days are great but the bad days are awful I dread opening my eyes some morning because I just know how the day is going to turn out.

I know that I have two beautiful DC who love me and a supportive DH but I constantly feel that I'm a crap mum and wife and that they would all be better off if I wasn't around. I always feel that the house reflects my mood...Good days its tidy (ish) but if i've had a bad couple of days it looks like a pig sty and that depresses me even more.

not4anotherday Mon 08-Feb-10 20:31:04

Hi Triggles, You are not mad, you have sh*t loads on! I don't have any contact with my family either - its hard not having a supportive family to help.

Why don't we all think of one positive thing to do for the next day.....

mine is go to baby group to mix with other adults and leave the housework to fester.grin

not4anotherday Mon 08-Feb-10 20:35:29

Narketta, I know what you mean about thinking your family would be better off withou you - I have this thought too from time to time. sad But I know I could never, never leave as it would break everyones heart and they would not be better off without us. And don't even get me started on housework.......

Triggles Mon 08-Feb-10 20:37:29

not4anotherday - that's a good idea - well, the positive thing to do anyway. Unfortunately, the housework festered today here. But we DID take our 3yo to a soft play place and let him run all over and took turns playing and chasing him around. So that was my positive thing for today, as I felt a bit better getting out and doing something he enjoyed.

Narketta - I know what you mean - some days I look around at the state of the housework and just feel overwhelmed.

not4anotherday Mon 08-Feb-10 20:52:29

Triggles - just wanted to say I don't have many friends in fact my frienships all come to an end sooner or later and that gets me down. 2 of my girls are at school now but when they were the ages your two are now it was bloody hard work, from that point of view it does get easier - promise. wink Have you thought about approaching homestart?

Triggles Mon 08-Feb-10 21:03:30

I'm not familiar with homestart, other than it's supposed to provide support. But am a bit afraid of speaking to GP, HV (would never speak to ours anyway as she is a loon), or anyone like that. Have never had to deal with it, but worried that it would mean interaction with social services and such, and I truly hate that kind of thing. I know it sounds paranoid, but you hear all sorts of stories here, don't you.... It just seems like they're very intrusive..

not4anotherday Mon 08-Feb-10 21:28:17

Homestart nothing to do with ss, you can refer yourself. Will help you to get out of the house with you littlies. smile

Triggles Mon 08-Feb-10 21:52:17

I just looked up the homestart website, and there's nothing in my area. That's okay. I'll explore other options.

BeckyBendyLegs Tue 09-Feb-10 08:37:33

Feel awful today - was so tired last night but couldn't sleep so took a perscription sleeping pill. Hate myself for giving in. This sleep problem is getting me down. DH thinks I'm only depressed about sleep, which is probably true. It is hell. I just want to cry but got to take everyone to school now

Welcome everyone else!

Positive thing today - going to Transition Into Motherhood group which always lifts my mood. This happens every Tuesday.

Triggles Tue 09-Feb-10 09:09:46

Beckyy - sorry you're feeling awful today. Did you get some sleep though? If so, that's at least a positive for now. Enjoy the TIM group.

Baby decided that 2-4 am was a good time for playing, so I am quite tired this morning. Frustrated at cold that just won't seem to let go. I might be able to feel a bit more positive if I could just not be physically ill for a day or two. Seems like between diverticular flare-ups and colds, I am never well, and I admit it gets me down more than I let on to DH. He was sweet though and brought me home a container of my favourite chocolates, as he said he knew I'd been down lately and thought I might like to indulge a bit today.

I was going to a playgroup today, but I'm not sure exactly of the location, and don't have the energy to go out looking for it with 2 kids. So will put that on the calendar for next week instead and investigate it further before then.

not4anotherday Tue 09-Feb-10 12:34:02

Becky - please don't hate yourself for giving in - insomnia is really tough ((((hugs)))

Triggles - shame about hs. Glad your DH is being thoughtful. smile

Finding out where playgroup is is a positive plan towards you goal of getting there!

I went to baby group, lots of new people there, was fun. Swapped numbers with another mum. smile Went to gp for ads so will get started on them.

not4anotherday Tue 09-Feb-10 12:38:19

Positive thing for tommorrow: go to an exercise class

Triggles Tue 09-Feb-10 13:44:03

not4anotherday - oh, glad you enjoyed the baby group! And the ads will eventually be of help too - do they take awhile to kick in? (sorry, never taken before but vaguely recall my nephew starting them years ago and saying it took about a week or so for them to reach levels that were helpful).

I think my next positive step will be to force myself to go out a few times a week. I'd say every day, but I think that's just setting myself up for failure and frustration. So a few times a week is good, I think.

ErikaMaye Tue 09-Feb-10 19:00:20

Today is a bad day. I just want to curl up and cry.

MollyRoger Tue 09-Feb-10 19:12:03

Triggles, have a look at Sure Start then. Most towns have Sure Start Children's centres now and they have los of groups/support/advice nd may even be able to find you a parent support advisor.

I know some of you won't want to hear this but these are things which will help
1) you're already doing this - talk to people
2) Talk to your Gp/HV and get help. If you have PND, it is very unusual for it to just go away by itself....
3) Get some fresh air every day
4) eat little and often to help avoid sugar highs and lows and help stabilise mood
5) Learn some breathing tecniques to help with panic attacks/anxiety - as Erika was saying. there are lots of simple breathing excercises on Yoga websites,
6) Tell people/friends/loved ones how you are feeling. The good people will not be scared off and they may be able to help with practical stuff. It is OK to ask for help and accept it.
7) Learn to be good enough, not try to be perfect. Or worry if you are not perfect enough.
There is some good stuff on the P.N.I website - with stuff to show DPs/DHs how best to help you.


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