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cant go on anymore

(5 Posts)
emzy Sun 10-Jul-05 17:13:28

I know ive already posted in this section,and the support has been lovely.I just feel i cant take anymore.I have had so many awful things happen in my life(not just recent events)and have always coped,i used to be extremely outgoing and could always make people laugh,thats how i got through everything.I guess ive always been hiding or running ,be it humour,partying,men ,shopping, money,booze-always seeking the next high to make myself feel better.Now after losing everything i am at total breaking point.I dont sleep at all and if i do the shock of waking up to the situation im in makes me feel like ending it all!Ive spent my life believing that if i was good and kind to other people that would come back to me somehow,but it simply isnt true;ive been used and hurt so many times that im left totally cinical;i feel worthless,unconfident,ugly and a terrible parent-ive made so many mistakes.From being a resilient,outgoing human being ,ive dissolved into a complete wreck who doesnt get out of bed ,can barely function and who is so full of terror i feel imight die.I know this sounds so self pitying and probably is but i would so like to hear from anyone who could help or found themselves in a similar situation.please please help.

RnB Sun 10-Jul-05 17:18:33

Message withdrawn

Nemo1977 Sun 10-Jul-05 17:23:08

awwwwwwwww hun u sounds soo like me and it was only having my son that really made my depression kick in as i became suicidal and started to self harm. Before that i had a lot of sh*t happen but as u say used to cover it up with an outgoing possibly OTT personality and found other things to focus on.I know it is hard but please get in contact with your gp and ask to be referred to your local mental health team. It was the best thing i did even though i did and still struggle with the idea of being under services [especially because my career was a mental health outreach worker. It is horrible to have ur confidence knocked sooo much u cant bare to face the outside workd but believe me in there is a light at the end of the just takes a while to see it, i am just about starting to see it now. IF you want to feel free to email me or add me to msn

jenk1 Sun 10-Jul-05 20:57:57

emzy, u r not alone in your situation, my depression worsened after having DS who is now 8, i didnt want to get out of bed, i never went anywhere-felt like a bad mother etc, it was only when i went to see my gp and poured out everything to her that i felt better-got on ad,s i still have depression but am going to go back on them this week-please see your gp and get some help
big hugs

emzy Thu 14-Jul-05 17:11:45

thankyou for your kind and understanding replies,i have been on ads for 2yrs,no improvement;my doctor here in spain is of the opinion that only people who want to get better will!would i choose to feel this way,when i wouldnt wish it on my worse enemy.Is there anything which improved your depression,there are no counselling services here and im worried that returning to the uk to get my daughter will worsen it because of the stress of having nowhere to live.please keep posting ,love emma

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