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i have severe clinical depression and my 14yr old has left

(47 Posts)
emzy Tue 05-Jul-05 19:29:30

hi, can anyone help,i have had alot of bad things happen in the past 5yrs,my father committed suicide,my grandparents who raised me both died,i had a 2yr court case and i lost my business and my home.So we came to spain to make a new start, but its all gone pear shaped,my daughter hated it here and at xmas refused to come home(it didnt help that she had been having problems with my partner)but it was spain she realy hated.She is staying with her dad ,who dosnt realy want her there,she is unhappy, wants me with her but refuses to come back,and insists i move back to the uk.Ilove my daughter more than anything and want to be with her.The trouble is i dont know how id cope,my depression is so bad i dont get out of bed,hardly ever wash and can barely utter a sentence,ive been on medication for 2 yrs but no better,we also have absolutely nothing in the uk ,i would have to leave everything behind and i have no family and only a couple of friends.I m scared i wont be able to work coz im such amess and will eventually end up on the streets.To make matters worse i recently went on a us parenting website where they told me i was a bad parent and to get off my lazy arse!I want my daughter back but im scared stiff also my partner refuses to return to yhe uk.please help i am desperate

hercules Tue 05-Jul-05 19:35:55

What reasons does your partner give for not wanting to return? How you explained to him how worried you are about your 14 year old daughter?

I dont know much about depression but it seems you need a support system in place where ever you are. Have you seen a GP in the UK? Do you know what sort of help is available here for you if you come here?

How sure are you her dad doesnt really want her there? HAs he said as much?

LittleStarsweeper Tue 05-Jul-05 19:39:02

depression is evil. Unless you have suffered this numbness of your senses you cannot possibly understand how a depressed person reacts in perfectly normal situations never mind in a crisis. Sounds like your medication aint up to much and maybe its time for a change. I think that you need to concentrate on your illness first else you got no chance of sorting your mess out. Get some counselling and check out some other medication and get that head back in order then steam ahead with sorting the family out. I know it sounds like it will be too late by the time you are sorted but if you never get sorted you will be alone and depressed which is worse. Make that move girl and call the doctor NOW.

LittleStarsweeper Tue 05-Jul-05 19:40:32

You know if the family can see you are trying to shift this illness and make a new start, I am sure they will rally around as they see the improvements. There aint owt worse than being around a misery eh!

emzy Tue 05-Jul-05 19:40:39

my partner says he refuses to go back to nothing and he wont let a 14yr old control his life, he dosnt even want to live with her.And yes her dad has said he dosnt want her there.I am bereft without her and realy want her back

SecondhandRose Tue 05-Jul-05 19:41:27

If you are not feeling any better after 2 years of medication you need to see your GP again to find an alternative to your current medicine.

Forget about the US parenting site, you need to start looking towards the future and try not to dwell on the past. Obviously I don't know what you've been through but try to look forwards.

Do you feel better when your daughter is with you? Are you able to wash and get out of bed when she is there or has this problem started since she went home?

Is your partner supportive? Have you had any counselling?

emzy Tue 05-Jul-05 19:46:06

thanks littlestarsweeper but i have no family apart from my partner and he is at the end of his tether with me, he has even told me to go back alone.I have tried every ad under the sun and there is no counselling in spain

emzy Tue 05-Jul-05 19:49:05

yes i do feel alittle better when my daughter is with me.As far as meds are concerned ive tried them all

gigglinggoblin Tue 05-Jul-05 19:53:56

my friend is quite seriously depressed and has basically quit uni and everything she was doing and moved back in with her mum. she walks the dog, does the odd bit of hoovering and thats it, but she feels much better for not having any pressure. im not suggesting you move in with your mum, but your daughter clearly wants you back and maybe a few months of being selfish and doing nothing would improve things with your partner (even if that meant being away from him for that time). are you from the uk? can you get benefits if you come back? sorry if thats oversimplifying stuff, and im not saying my friend is totally well yet but it has worked wonders for her and her doctor is supporting what she is doing (in fact the nurse suggested it)

emzy Tue 05-Jul-05 20:01:15

thanks gigligoblin but i have noone at all in the uk to move in with ,allmy family are dead!

LittleStarsweeper Tue 05-Jul-05 20:08:32

You say you feel a bit better when daughter around. Could it be that unknowingly you are reliant upon her which has maybe made her feel that she cant cope. Its great that you have been searching for help but sad that nothing has come from it. Could you contact your old surgery in Uk to get GP to recommend or search for help in the area that you are in now.

whymummy Tue 05-Jul-05 20:34:59

emzy where abouts are you? i can ask my family about counselling etc over there,have you tried expat websites?yellow pages?i hope i can help,i really feel for you,is an awful situation to be in

madmarchhare Tue 05-Jul-05 20:35:39

Could your friends the UK help if you moved back? I think if it is at all possible you should make moves to improve your relationship with your daughter.

whymummy Tue 05-Jul-05 20:45:49

i hope this is of some help
have a look at\link

whymummy Tue 05-Jul-05 20:47:09


whymummy Tue 05-Jul-05 20:49:24

i can't see counsellors but one of those might be able to guide you

emzy Wed 06-Jul-05 16:50:10

to whymummy thanks for sending the info,but i cant find anything about counselling,thanks though

whymummy Wed 06-Jul-05 17:16:25

sorry about that emzy,how are you?

SenoraPostrophe Wed 06-Jul-05 17:25:00

This probably isn't going to help you much, but I really feel for your daughter (I do feel for you too, of course, but my life experience is such that I can identify with her).

You are not a bad parent, but I do think you should return to the UK, at least for a few months. It's not "being held to ransom by a teenager" - she obviously feels very strongly if she's prepared to leave her mum. The change might do you good too. Also like the others say, you need to go back to the docs about the depression.

emzy Wed 06-Jul-05 17:36:33

to why mummy,sorry to go on but i feel just absolutely dreadful,only just got up but not dressed,i am so desperate to see my daughter but dont even know where to begin.I used to be realy strong but ifeel ive messed everything up and have lost all my confidence

emzy Wed 06-Jul-05 17:43:10

thanks senorapostrophe,i too was left by both my parents when i was little and am worried sick about my daughter,she is now suffering with depression,i know shes not holding me to ransom ,she needs me and i need her,i am just so consumed by terror on moving back to the uk that im scared ill make an even bigger mess.where will we live ,what about money ,ive always been self sufficient before but the depression seems to make me incapable of anything

SenoraPostrophe Wed 06-Jul-05 17:49:29

Look at this site and see which benefits would apply (at a guess it would be income support).

whymummy Wed 06-Jul-05 17:55:00

emzy you need to get better in order to help your dd,she needs you and you need her,go to the doctors again,get help,like senora says can you come over for just a short period of time?,i'm sure you could get some sort of accomodation and spend some time with dd,just the two of you,even if is just a couple of weeks,do you think that's possible?

emzy Wed 06-Jul-05 18:13:17

to whymummy,idid come over to see her for 2 wks in april because i could stay at a friends,but her husband has said i cant stay again because he doesnt like other people in the house!the only person i could stay with is dd father,he says i can stay until i find somewhere to live,problem is he used to be abusive and violent towards me and im scared of him,my partner has made it clear if i did stay with him there would be no coming back.

whymummy Wed 06-Jul-05 18:45:44

emzy could you tell dp you're staying with a friend?i know is lying but is for your dd's sake,once you're here you can ask for help,it'll be a hostel or something to start with but at least you and dd will be together till you decide what's best

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