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today has really taken it out of me.

(62 Posts)
misdee Thu 23-Jun-05 22:57:48

usually i try to be positive, but right now, i cant be. dh is dying. the only thing that can save him is for someone else to die. he is getting weaker each day, the meds are supporting him, without them he would've died long ago.
seeing him today with the line going into his neck scared me. i know he is ill, but sometimes i forget how ill he really is. i know that this could the last summer we spend together. he is going downhill, and fast. the docs are trying to keep him stable, and he is fine for a little while, then they have to edmit him, adjust/try new meds and fingers crossed. i'm sorry for being so down, but i need to let this all out.

Pruni Thu 23-Jun-05 22:59:41

Message withdrawn

misdee Thu 23-Jun-05 23:02:13

had a visit today from SS, they asked what i'd be doing if i wasnt a carer. my answer, living life, not just waiting for that damned phone to ring.

handlemecarefully Thu 23-Jun-05 23:03:37

Misdee - don't apologise for being down - please! You're going through hell at the moment. I'd buckle if I were in your shoes. You're doing so damn well just to keep going. I'm praying he'll get the transplant for your sake and the childrens.

Aero Thu 23-Jun-05 23:04:50

Oh misdee - you always sound so strong here and your strength amazes me. Few of us have any idea how difficult this situation must be for you. We're all rooting for you and Peter and wishing that he will get his chance.
Please don't worry about letting it out here - that's part of the purpose of this place - I wish I could do/say soething that would be even slightly useful, but I can't. Please know that you are in everyone's thoughts though all the time and keep offloading as much as you need to here. I'm truly sorry you're on this awful rollercoaster.

misdee Thu 23-Jun-05 23:06:13

just cant do it. its his birthday saturday, he'll be 26, so young, yet so close to death. its so unfair.

handlemecarefully Thu 23-Jun-05 23:08:10

Misdee don't give up on hope, hope will keep you going......

misdee Thu 23-Jun-05 23:08:25

just been a shitty week.

what can i get a man confined to bed most of the time?

handlemecarefully Thu 23-Jun-05 23:11:06

Although it's the last thing on earth you feel like doing, really try and celebrate his birthday. It might help lift his spirits - he must be feeling low too. Feel really 'impotent' and powerless. Want to make it better for you.

Aero Thu 23-Jun-05 23:11:06

You're right - it is so unfair. Just unbelievable how this could have happened to someone once so healthy. I am so lost for the right words to say.................

sparklymieow Thu 23-Jun-05 23:12:34

a handheld playstation???

MrsGordonRamsay Thu 23-Jun-05 23:14:47

LGJ Here. hold on bloody hard, it will happen.........have any of the Transplants been stopped because of Peter ???

No, because the donor hearts were not right, you hold hard to that thought. The match will come.

I think about you on a very regular basis.

Lots of love


misdee Thu 23-Jun-05 23:15:27

had an email from a bloke who has had his transplant, and i selfishly thought, 'its ok, you;ve had yours, your life is back on track'. have been in touch with this man and his family for well over a year now and know how bad it was for them, and even tho we knew it could happen, we didnt think it would happen now IYKWIM. wish we had done more earlier. Dh is making plans for the future, but i dont know if that future will exist.

if you ever mean to do something and dont get round to it, please gop and do it, cos you never know, we have had a shorter time than what we thought.

misdee Thu 23-Jun-05 23:16:17

LGJ, 1st was stopped because of dh INR was too high. found out afterwards heart wasnt suitable.

Puff Thu 23-Jun-05 23:16:25

Misdee, I can't begin to imagine the strain you are under and think you are very courageous in the way that you keep things together in the most difficult of circumstances.

Puff xx

sparklymieow Thu 23-Jun-05 23:17:21

BUt he has to make plans Misdee, because if he doesn't he is giving up.......

misdee Thu 23-Jun-05 23:18:29

i know he does mieow, but at the same time i dont want to plan that far ahead. i cant plan anything atm, it doesnt feel right for dh to be saying 'next year we'll go on holiday, a proper holiday'.

MrsGordonRamsay Thu 23-Jun-05 23:19:35

Not fighting with you, honest, but you need PMA.

Lots of love


Positive Mental Attitude, it takes a lot of energy, but Peter needs this from you at the moment.

much love.


misdee Thu 23-Jun-05 23:20:09

he doesnt see me like this. i wont let him.

mears Thu 23-Jun-05 23:21:21

I am so sorry to hear your dh is so poorly misdee. I am keeping my fingers crossed for him that the right heart will come very soon. I cannot think what you could get him for his birthday - would you be able to have a special meal or something delivered to the hospital? Does he feel like eating at all? Probably a daft suggestion but wanted to try and suggest something. Thinking of you both, mears.

MrsGordonRamsay Thu 23-Jun-05 23:21:28

Delighted to hear that.

Really, truly, not fighting with you.

Much love


handlemecarefully Thu 23-Jun-05 23:21:36

Misdee go along with it for him though - try and join in those discussions about the future. Don't write everything off - it's may well come good soon.

sparklymieow Thu 23-Jun-05 23:21:51

But why not Misdee? He could get stable next week and a new heart could come up next month, in a year he will be able to have a proper one....

I'm not being harsh babe but he has to have his dreams...

misdee Thu 23-Jun-05 23:23:20

i cant actually get there on saturday, as dd1 has a birthday party to go to and dh has insisted she goes. his parents are holding the fort there on saturday.

the kids didnt get to bed till gone 10pm as we got back late from the hospital, so i dont know whether or not to send dd1 into school. she hasnt choosen dh a present yet and i know she wants to. i wont have time on saturday.

handlemecarefully Thu 23-Jun-05 23:23:25

On the birthday thing - he will probably feel really made up with home made cards from the kids, and a birthday cake with candles (even though he may not feel up to eating it).

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