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I think I need to face it

(3 Posts)
dipplydeepy Wed 11-Nov-09 11:39:58

I've got depression. I didn't want to get it again, not sure if it is PND or just "normal" depression or something different.

I've been denying it for weeks/months and I'm not getting any better. I'm getting worse. The black hole is getting depper and bigger, and I should really do something about it.

But I don't want people to think I can't cope. What if they decide I can't parent my kids properly. What if they decide that I am not fit for anything? I don't want DH knowing I'm like this again.

I have three children, the youngest will be one soon. One is disabled. I shout at them all the time, get really cross with them about the stupidest of things. I'm not sleeping, lie wide awake, sleep for a few hours and get woken up by one of the two that don't sleep. They're going to hate me when they are older, I'm not a nice mummy.

I've had depression on and off for years, had a bad patch in 2002 where I contemplated suicide. I had serious PND after DC1 was born, I wanted to give him away to the next person I met. Last year so much happened and I think I took on to much, tried to be the one who coped and held everyone together.

Issues from my childhood are being brought to the surface again by something happening in my sisters life at the moment.

God I am screwed up. Where do I go from here?

edithpoppy Wed 11-Nov-09 11:44:24

Make an appointment, go see your doctor. Today. The best thing you can do for your children is to look after yourself. You HAVE to I'm afriad. You must look after your children's mummy, because they need you to be as well as you can be. Its so hard, I know.

Talk to your doctor, get some support. You deserve it. Its not a sign of weakness to reach out for help - its truly a sign of strength.

Let us know how you get on. Sending you lots of positive vibes.

madmouse Wed 11-Nov-09 12:38:08

No one is going to take your kids away because you are depressed - honest promise - don't under any circumstances allow that to stop you from getting help please.

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