Possible Depression/ Work Stress

[Wemmick]

Somewhat new to MN (and not being a Mum feeling slightly out of place), but need a place to bounce a few thoughts around. Hope that's ok.

I'm the only member of staff in a small organisation that's facing severe funding difficulties. Long story, but staffing was reduced just before we lost our regular funding. To keep costs down, the Board decided not to re-recruit, and I'm in charge of the day to day running of the company, including fundraising etc.

I didn't particularly plan to be in this situation, although it's a job I like, a company I believe in and an area I should be passionate about. Oh, and it's meant to be part time, but this is becoming progressively more fluid.

My problem is that I'm becoming worried and anxious about the company situation, to the extent where it's impinging on my ability to do the job. Basically, I don't believe I have the skills or capacity to keep this thing going.

I've been trying to keep on top of things, but the last month or so has seen a subtle change. I've started waking up at 4.30/5am and just staring at the screen, not getting anything done. I'm probably drinking the equivalent of a bottle of wine a night (2 beers, 2-3 glasses of wine, maybe a couple of spirits afterwards).

Basically, it feels like I'm paralysed and I can't snap out of it. The lack of motivation is shocking and is beginning to affect my work. It feels like I need an electric shock just to get me going in the morning. At the moment, I just want to curl up and ignore everything that's piling up in front of me. I'm beginning to forget things and, at the moment, have no energy to put them right.

I know I really should go to the GP, but I keep putting it off as another thing on my list. I last went when I was about 20, having sliced my arm open with a pen knife. I was prescribed anti-depressants, but stopped them after a couple of weeks because they made me feel even worse.

I haven't been back since and things have levelled out over the intervening (9) years. I'm reluctant to go again as I don't really know what to say. I apparently come across as confident and in-control and tend to put up that front with others. I know my Board (up until now) has had every confidence in me as a professional. Which is going to make it even harder to explain the impending mess.

Any thoughts/ advice? It's probably just useful to get it down on paper, rather than bottling it up all the time. I'm just worried that going to a GP will be an excuse for justifying my own incompetence, rather than focusing on actually getting things done.

[scottishmummy]

mn not just for parents.welcome!open access.post away.

sorry things not so good at the mo for you.your situation sounds very stressful and understandably you feel overwhelmed.do you have a confidant someone in the company you cam offload to?

to an extent bottling it all up adds to stress
the alcohol is a depressant and wont help long term.

do go to your gp.as you already know you are stressed and overwhelmed.dont bottle this up

AD can alleviate stress/anxiety.give you a boost perhaps

[Wemmick]

Thanks for your reply. Yes, there is one person I can probably approach. She already know something's up, so I'll try and arrange a face-to-face at some point.

Agree that one of the problems is feeling detached and isolated. DH knows there is a problem, is sympathetic, but not especially communicative. His solution would be to find another job, which I don't want to do. Just need to get a better handle on this one!

[lizzy6]

Have you thought about talking with a counsellor, sometimes talking things out can help? Make sure you get someone you're comfortable with if you go down that route. Talk with your GP or try the BACP website if you think that route suits.