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Can someone please tell me this will all get better somehow?

(4 Posts)
AnnVan Tue 10-Nov-09 12:34:29

Sorry this is likely to be long...

I'm not sure how to organise all this really so it's likely to be a bit waffly as well.
I just feel like I'm in a very long very dark tunnel with no hint of an end in sight.
I have a DS (13 months) and at the moment I'm a SAHM. The job I had before he was born really wasn't compatible with having a child (they trot out lines about work-life balance but no such thing exists) So curretly I stay at home lookig after DS while tryig to fid a new job.
DP works i London and has quite a long commute every day. His official working hours are 9-6, but he NEVER leaves on time (usually leaves work about 7.30) so he's leaving home at about 7.30 each morning, and getting home about 9.30 pm. he's stressed to the gills with work, and the fact that we just don't have enough money. We're just about squeakig through on his salary. I'm not having any luck with the job hunting.
DS at the moment seems to do nothing but scream and cry all day long - i can't keep on top of the housework, so the house is disgustingly filthy. It's really depressing. We moved out here shortly before ds was born, and I have failed to break into the local clique, so I feel completely isolated. I spend my very long days looking after a child who almost never stops screaming, and never getting a break or any company to ease this.
In short, I don't get enough sleep, I hardly get any time with DP, I have no friends, no job, no money and everything feels totally hopeless right now. The boiler is now broken, and we can't get anyone in to fix it util the house is clean, but I can't get the bloody house clean with a baby constantly screaming and trying to climb up my legs.
I just need something to go right for us.
I don't even really know what I'm expecting here, just needed to have a moan I guess.

Talkable Tue 10-Nov-09 12:43:11

It does sound like you are facing a lot of challenges Ann. I think most of us would feel down in your situation.

Things will get better but you need to instigate the improvements. Nobody else will.

First you need to find out whether you have PND. Go to your GP and tell him/her how you feel. They can offer help and if necessary drugs.

Second clean your house. If your DS cries no matter what you do then you might as well get something done while he cries. At least with the hoover on you won't hear him! Seriously, clean. Put Ds in his cot, in front of the TV, whatever. Once the house is clean you will feel so much better I promise.

Third talk to your DH. Does he know how you feel? Can he make more of an effort to be home on time? Is it even worth considering a move back to London for more support? There have to be positive changes to make. You cannot live like this. If DH works so hard can he at least afford a cleaner to help you out.

Fifth, break into those cliques. Go to the local toddle groups. Talk to the mums. If you are open and friendly and brave then eventually it will work. Really it will. It might take some effort but it will be worth it and will get you out of the house which is vital.

Things will get better if you drive them forward. Good luck!

AnnVan Tue 10-Nov-09 14:49:41

Thanks a lot talkable.
I don't THINK I have PND, I think it's just the situation dragging me down at the moment.
DP does know how I feel but I don't think he can cope with hearing me complain when he's working so hard to support us, so I just keep quiet about it now. We moved out here so that we would be near DP's family, but they haven't turned out all that supportive tbh. But when I get a job, MIL will do childcare - if we move back to london, we won't be able to afford childcare.
I did go to the baby groups etc for a while, but I've got out of the habit of it now. I think I will ahve to try again as you say.

Rumpel Wed 11-Nov-09 20:20:43

Why don't you try contacting homestart and see if there is help in your area?

http://www.home-start.org.uk/

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