I feel like none of my friends really like me

[andlipsticktoo]

and I just feel so low at the moment.

My 40th birthday party is on saturday and I just want to cancel it - but I don't want it to seem like I'm attention seeking, I just can't face pretending to everyone that I'm ok.

I have been losing my vision over the past 2.5 years and everyone thinks I'm coping really well with it, but I'm not. At the same time as being diag. with RP my youngest ds went to school and my closest friends went back to work and I just feel so alone.

I hardly ever see my friends and when we do go out in the evening I find it very hard to see, so I find it very stressful and not very enjoyable. I can no longer apply my own make up, and although all my friends know this, only one of them has ever offered to do it for me - and why should they?

I just don't know what to do about this party. I'm just feeling sorry for myself, I know.

[frankie3]

Sorry to hear you feel like this, I am sure your friends do really like you, but it is not surprising you feel depressed like this. Your friends probably don't realise how bad you feel - you shoudl tell them, they would prefer you to tell them how you feel rahter than pretend.

And don't take it personally that they have not offered to help with your make-up, they may not feel comfortable doing it for you or may not feel that they are good enough. Maybe there is help out there to help show you how to apply your make-up. I once heard that the Red Cross have people who help with this. I am very short sighted so I have learnt how to put my make up on mainly by touch.

So, ask someone to help with your make up for the party or go to a make up counter during the day and ask someone to do it. And please try to enjoy the party - I am sure you will have a good time once you are there.

[andlipsticktoo]

Yes I am going to get a Clinique lady to do my make up, so that is sorted. I'm just feeling a bit self-absorbed because I think if my bf was in this situation, I would offer to do hers.

I went out with my bf and our kids the other night as the dc wanted to go trick or treating, and she kept walking off and leaving me! I literally cannot see anythibg except the street lights so I spent the entire evening stumbling and falling over things. she didn't even seem to notice, or maybe she just didn't want to lead me around like an old lady.

[LowLevelWhingeing]

it sounds like you've good reason to feel sorry for yourself - what a difficult thing to go through.

I think frankie is right; your friends probably don't realise how bad you feel and assume that because you don't ask for help, you don't need any help. They might be worried about drawing attention to to the problem and worry about treating you like an invalid.

You don't have to make a big deal out of it, but when things like this happen could you put it in a light way like, "oi you get back here, I can't see properly!" (or something like that )

Also, you sound pretty down. Do you think you could benefit from talking things through with a counsellor or getting some other kind of support with what you're going through?

It's a lot to cope with.

[madmouse]

I have a feeling that you like me are very good at making other people think you are ok. For me the facade had to come off a few months ago and my friends were amazed how long I had coped with what was going on for me - and they rallied round and I get so much support. You may have to drop the 'I'm fine' facade and that is quite unsafe initially.

And for what it is worth I can't imagine what it is like to lose your sight. It is a Big Thing and you do need support to cope with it.

It is a big thing for your friends too - I bet they are unsure how to deal with the changes in you - practical and emotional - they may not know what help to offer, they will want you to keep your dignity and independence so not fuss too much over you. You may need to help them understand what you need - and yes that is hard.

Oh, and I would be terrified putting on someone else's mascara - I am such a klutz with my own!!

[andlipsticktoo]

Thanks for the replies, and I actually agree with you. I don't think they realise how bad it is, and I'm so busy trying not to look like an invalid I don't ask for help.

I think I probably do need a counsellor and I will look into it. Thanks guys. Typical of me to reframe everything, and think that all my dearest friends all secretly hate me!