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My counselling's going to be difficult

(21 Posts)
SPARKLER1 Thu 16-Jun-05 09:30:44

At my last counseling session I was set some homework of digging out some family photos. I also have to write a letter to my dad telling him how I feel about him and what I would like from him. We aren't close and he hasn't realy ever been around when I've needed him. The counsellor said I can send the letter to him if I wish or just get my feelings down on paper and then throw it away.

It's so hard to know where to start. It's making me feel a bit tearful too thinking about it..and I have had such a happy couple of months.

SPARKLER1 Thu 16-Jun-05 09:33:37

I have Dear Dad written down and now I'm just staring at the paper.

almostanangel Thu 16-Jun-05 09:34:03

it will be very cathartic for you to do this letter and the tears can only be a good thing ,,once you start it will be easy

mysterygirl Thu 16-Jun-05 09:38:51

I agree with AAA - it will be very good for you. I saw a counsellor about 4 years ago and one of the things I found myself telling him was that on the night my mum died she had asked me to "stay a while" but as it was really late and I had a longish drive home I didnt stay that long. Then she died before we got back to the hospital. Even though there was nothing I could do it was obviously eating away at me and it just spilled out after about 4 years of not saying anything to anyone.

Miaou Thu 16-Jun-05 09:38:57

Maybe start by thinking of some specific incidents/memories, and how they make/made you feel - perhaps pick one happy and one sad one (or one neutral and one sad one if you can't think of any good ones!). Explore your feelings about those two incidents then use that as a "starting block" to think about other feelings. Don't try to start writing the letter just yet, you can do that at a later stage.

And bear in mind that although it may make you tearful when you are doing it, you will probably feel different when you are done, even if you don't send it. Presumably this is why you were set the task - so that you can compare your feelings before, during and after writing the letter.

almostanangel Thu 16-Jun-05 09:44:10

mystery are you feeling now? i am sorry that you feel bad for not staying with your mum.....i was there when my dad died[a year on fathers day] ,,but i feel guilty for not spending more time with him the week before[i was at the hospital every day but could have stayed longer than i did] so whatevr you had done even if you had stayed you would still feel guilty ,its part of grief.[hugs]]]

fireflyfairy2 Thu 16-Jun-05 09:52:42

Sparkler... i have been there done that.
I actually felt the need to write it at 2am. I got outta bed and i began the letter that way.

"It's 2am and i have just woken from another nightmare...but then i remembered it was all real."
And then i continued on, telling him how he made me feel, how he deserves to feel for not being there for his fmily etc...

It will come, i promise, hope you can work it out, I found my counselling really really helped me... and the homeworks...i actually wrote letters to all my sisters and brothers too.. didnt post any of them though (Or the one to my dad in the end up) I have them all in a box in my attic.

All the best, and im sending you strength to get throught this time XXXXXX

SPARKLER1 Thu 16-Jun-05 09:53:14

Well I am on page four of the letter. Managing to hold the tears back. I think so many tears have fallen over the years I haven't got many left.

almostanangel Thu 16-Jun-05 09:54:29

let your self feel the emotions cry get angry get sad[hugs]]]]]]

SPARKLER1 Thu 16-Jun-05 09:59:55

Just about to start page5. Just read it all back and now I'm blubbing.

SPARKLER1 Thu 16-Jun-05 10:11:43

OMG!!! Who should phone me now but my dad!! That was weird. Haven't heard from him since easter. He just phoned to ask what date my dd's birthday is! Shows how thoughtful he is of his grandchildren eh? He has me if I was okay and what I was doing. Could hardly tell him I was writing him a letter could I???? Had to make an excuse.

SPARKLER1 Thu 16-Jun-05 10:19:35

Ok it's done. Not sure if I have covered everything. Have to decide whether or not I want to send it now.

almostanangel Thu 16-Jun-05 10:20:30

thats odd......... you ok?

SPARKLER1 Thu 16-Jun-05 10:21:17

Yes - I feel drained now

SPARKLER1 Thu 16-Jun-05 10:22:13

This counselling business is weird but wonderful. It's amazing how it takes it out of you. After my first session I was shattered. I feel like that again now.

almostanangel Thu 16-Jun-05 10:22:47

ok now do something happy!!!!!! get out and go for a walk buy yourself a treat ,,weather it be a pair of shoes or a cake or a magazine something just for you ,,

SPARKLER1 Thu 16-Jun-05 10:23:35

thanks AA you have been very sweet listening to me go on.

almostanangel Thu 16-Jun-05 10:25:47

no probs have been there....but didnt go though with the councelling wish i had ,,but just to let you know you will get better ............i am fine 90% of the time and when i look back at the last few years it could have had a much different ending......another good leter is put all the things that are good about you and your life

almostanangel Thu 16-Jun-05 10:26:46

anytime you need to talk im here...........just whistle know how to whistle dont just put your lips togeather and blow

SPARKLER1 Thu 16-Jun-05 10:27:54

almostanangel Thu 16-Jun-05 10:29:08

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