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long term depressives call out thread

(33 Posts)
stakethroughtheheartofgold Fri 30-Oct-09 23:46:46

i could really do with someone to talk to about recurrent depression, someone who's been there. the kind of depression that doesn't relate to circumstance, just comes and goes.

i realise it's a bit of a long shot as anything posted in mental health seems to sink like a stone, but worth a try, right?

YanknHeadsOffCocks Fri 30-Oct-09 23:57:18

Hi, I'm slightly pissed tonight, but I'll throw my name in here.

I've had recurrent major depression since age 16, but can remember being depressed as early as 12. I've been hospitalised twice in my life for it, been on and off antidepressants since age 16 (am 33 now).

It seems to have absolutely nothing to do with my life circumstances; life can be fantastic and I will go into a spiral. ADs seem to keep it at bay enough to live a normal life. My big mistake is feeling pressured to stop taking them and falling back in the hole again. Most recently I came off for my pregnancy and ended up a complete wreck, but once back on was like a light switch, felt loads better. I've accepted ADs are what I need to live a 'normal' life. I get 'blues' like anyone else on them, but nothing like the deep depression I get without. They aren't for everyone, but they work for me.

MORgueOSKY Sat 31-Oct-09 00:02:42

Just wanted to say hello so your post did not go unanswered. I have had serious depression for about ten years, and probably before but just undiagnosed. Mine gets worse when life is stressful but can also come back for what seems like no reason.

I also have times when I think I can cope without my meds and it ends in disaster.

I have had a hard few days and there is no reason at all other than perhaps as it is the school holidays I do not have a tight structure to keep me going. My mind has been racing all day, have been shaky and nervous. Have spent most of the day in bed not able to face the world which is crap.

Am going away for the weekend tomorrow though, so hopefully will brighten up.

aWitchForLifeNotJustHalloween Sat 31-Oct-09 00:05:01

I've had a weirdy recurrent thing, pnd all three times and am still on ad's even though dc3 is almost 4yo. was on and off ad's from my twenties so tbh it wasn't a great surprise that the hormonal cock-ups of pregnancy and bfing set it off. Thing is, like stake and yanks you've both said, I can be in a fantastic place - like now - but still needing ad's because if I try thinning them out or missing the odd one I'm still back at square one and my roof's falling in.
So good idea to share a few ideas and experiences. I for one would really like to know more about what the eff causes it all.

IdrisTheDragon Sat 31-Oct-09 00:10:10

I am another long term depressive. First had it diagnosed in 2000 when I was 25 but definitely suffered before then - probably firts wehn I was about 17. I am 34 now.

Mine is generally managed - at the moment I am on a v low dose of citalopram and things have been generally better since having a course of CBT last year. I am supposedly coming off the ADs (very slowly) at the moment, but I have various stresses which I am needing to throw my energies into dealing with at the moment, but am worried that once that energy goes, I will be in a slump again, so am keeping up with the ADs.

I have anxiety which can then lead to depression and have been getting more anxious in the past month or so. Have been having a few "down" days recently and seeing my warning signs of not tidying much, not getting dressed for ages and losing appetite. Am hoping I will be OK for a bit longer at any rate.

IdrisTheDragon Sat 31-Oct-09 00:11:11

I think there is something hereiditary in it, but have no firm evidence for it. I think my brain is just wired a bit wrong [rueful smile]

stakethroughtheheartofgold Sat 31-Oct-09 00:13:18

woah! hello you lot wasn't expecting any replies. just wrote this in answer to yankn, will read replies now.

sounds like yours is more severe than mine. i have long periods of "normality" in between episodes (first diagnosed at 18 although very possibly first episode earlier, 3 major episodes, 35 now) and i've never been hospitalised. but i recognise the light switch you mention.

it's about finding a balance isn't it, your own personal tolerances, triggers etc. as a family we've made huge lifestyle alterations to take my tendencies into account. i've got over wishing for what could have been.

teameric Sat 31-Oct-09 00:13:22

What Yank said, thats me too, except I'm not pissed grin I'm in a good place at the mo, but know thats largely down to the AD's, but they make me feel better and more "normal". I know it's not great to have to rely on pills to make you feel good but I've learnt to except thats just me, it's the way I am.
i never have reasons for feeling depressed either and would also like to know what does cause it, hormonal inbalance?, hereditary? my mum also suffers with it.
At least we know we're not alone eh smile

stakethroughtheheartofgold Sat 31-Oct-09 00:20:11

what i wanted to ask abut was dealing with episodes without meds and whether anyone's managed to do that, but you're all on ads atm?

aWitchForLifeNotJustHalloween Sat 31-Oct-09 00:21:45

spot on teameric. ditto.

stakethroughtheheartofgold Sat 31-Oct-09 00:23:09

idris i recognise your warning signs. i have red flags that i try not to ignore and get off for meds asp. and i've had them all and more the last month or so with no sign of it lifting but this time i'm reluctant and i don't know why.

stakethroughtheheartofgold Sat 31-Oct-09 00:24:29

maybe because it all feels familiar, not scary like it felt last time because i'd never had these type of symptoms before.

teameric Sat 31-Oct-09 00:24:29

I personally can't deal with my episodes without meds unfortunatly, although I have tried believe me.

aWitchForLifeNotJustHalloween Sat 31-Oct-09 00:25:33

yup stake, certainly looks that way grin
I can get the dose to a fairly low one, and horror of horrors I've been heaps better since I had a mirena fitted in June, supporting my theory that mine's quite influenced by hormones ... but not off ad's completely, it's like I need a bit to prop me up. Yes I've been off them for a few months at a time (though not much in the past 10 yrs or so) but then tend to have a big splat moment and everything falls to bits. Have reached the conclusion (as I think others here may have too) that it's better to stay on a low dose and sod the up and down bit.

IdrisTheDragon Sat 31-Oct-09 00:25:42

Another of my warning signs is staying up too late. But I have been doing (much needed) admin so I have a reason, rather than my usual just keep refreshing Mumsnet.

IdrisTheDragon Sat 31-Oct-09 00:26:53

I have a Mirena coil too (have had it for a year) and was a bit worried about whether it would make depression worse but really doesn't seem to have had any effect.

aWitchForLifeNotJustHalloween Sat 31-Oct-09 00:28:42

I recognise that 'staying up too late' signal Idris. Then waking at stupid O'clock and feeling permanently hung-over despite a lack of the alcoholic night before (well there's no justice is there?!)

stakethroughtheheartofgold Sat 31-Oct-09 00:29:42

do you pay attention to your warning signs idris? what do you do? (btw feel free to leave it til the morning if you want to get off to bed)

stakethroughtheheartofgold Sat 31-Oct-09 00:31:35

why am i so desperate to ignore my warning signs i wonder. cos they're all there with flashing feckin lights on.

teameric Sat 31-Oct-09 00:33:31

mine could also possibly be hormone influenced as my depression started in my teens, who knows? Interesting that you've been better since you had it fitted aWitchforlife.

IdrisTheDragon Sat 31-Oct-09 00:35:02

I think this is probably the first time I am properly thinking what to do about the warning signs - with previous bouts of depression I have just let it slide and then sunk.

I am probably at the stage of realising at the moment - I am going to make sure I keep taking more ADs than I have been and try to go to bed earlier more often. I am also trying to make sure DH realises I can see the warning signs, although i think I need to stress it to him a bit more.

I'm not in a hurry to go to bed yet - I need to wind down a bit after my evening of form filling etc smile

teameric Sat 31-Oct-09 00:39:19

stake don't ignore them, take yourself to the doc, don't let yourself go under

YanknHeadsOffCocks Sat 31-Oct-09 00:41:22

I wonder about hormonal aspects too. I have PCOS and apparently depression is pretty common among those that have it.

As I've gotten older, I've gotten better at recognising my warning signs. I start withdrawing from everyone, having negative thoughts, getting paranoid, sleeping more.

stakethroughtheheartofgold Sat 31-Oct-09 00:41:50

interesting what you say abut mirena. i've had horrible reactions to the pill in the past and wouldn't dare risk it, but i know for sure that breastfeeding was protective for me as even though dd1 was a complete nightmare with colic and barely sleeping her whole first year i didn't get depressed, but then i had a major wobble when i stopped feeding her.

maybe the menopause will be something to look forward to then hmm

stakethroughtheheartofgold Sat 31-Oct-09 00:49:39

i hear you teameric really i do.

i think i'm just better at coping with life in general now, so the shitty feelings are there but i'm keeping the day-to-day stuff going. mostly.

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