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Why am I such a failure???

(7 Posts)
spookycharlotte121 Tue 27-Oct-09 14:14:32

nothing is ever easy and im too tired. im not a very good mum... im always stressed or angry..... my health visitor thinks im a shit mother.... she wants me to go to parenting classes.
my house looks like a shit hole again even though i worked really hard to get it all soreted.

RubyrubyrubysAScaryOldBint Tue 27-Oct-09 14:16:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doodleydoo Tue 27-Oct-09 14:22:07

You aren't a shit mother at all, no HV should be saying something like that to you. However maybe Parenting Classes are somewhere where you can find useful tips to help you out. I went reluctantly to some post natal classes and actually found some of the info v useful.

Also good place to meet a support network, it is hard work bringing up a child and sometimes some useful hints can work out really well. I obviously don't know how old your DC is but don't think you are a bad mother because you have been offered these classes. Had I not had such a good network of friends all with differing issues I wouldn't be as good at doing what I do now, we all have different ways of doing things and sometimes someone elses are easier than your own but you just didn't think of them yourself.

So maybe try and find out a bit more about it, if you find it totally horrible you don't have to go again. They are there as a support network not a set in stone rulebook. She also maybe worried about you and pnd so please dont see it as an insult smile

Doodleydoo Tue 27-Oct-09 14:23:53

And op, don't think I am good.... I have a chaotic house but over the time I have had my dd, things have slotted into place and if I am having a crap day I try and get someone else to help me out with a few bits and pieces. We all have rubbish days, weeks and months!

madmouse Tue 27-Oct-09 14:27:23

Are you depressed Spooky? Hard to judge by your short post but some of the things you write could be explained that way.

Do you have someone you can talk to about how you feel? Can you see your GP? Or write some more on here about why you think you may feel this way.

I agree that the HV is unlikely to think you are shitty mum (and it is obvious - if you are a shitty mum you would not write this post cos you would not care) - she probably has picked up correctly that you need some support but is communicating it badly.

Doodleydoo Tue 27-Oct-09 14:32:09

I totally agree with madmouse, sometimes you just don't realise yourself that you are feeling depressed. I vividlo welly remember taking my dd to the dr with a throat infection and at that point was v worried about her, the dr had me in tears when she was the only person who asked me how i was doing, she said dd could be fixed v easily but was much harder to fix me if I wasn't coping.

HV may just not be commuicating too well, sometimes they can be all business and forget the tea and sympathy that is sometimes required. But if you feel that you can't see eye to eye with her ask to see another one if you can.

spookycharlotte121 Thu 05-Nov-09 00:09:19

I was diagnosed with pnd and was on citalopram.... have come off them about a month ago and i started to feel alot more human but now i feel..... i dunno how to explain it really.... i have no energy, no momentum for life and im quite emotional. When i was first diagnosed with pnd i had a very supportive hv.... she was down to earth and made me realise that it wasnt my fault i was feeling the way i did.... but she changed jobs and left and I was given a new hv. I dont like her at all.... she has no people skills and always makes comments which make me feel really sub human.... trys to point out stupid little things that im doing wrong and it makes me feel really crap. I did mention to my gp that i didnt really like her but he said that they were short staffed so i had to put up with her. I try to be a good mmum and prioritise what i think is most important if i cant do everything..... ok my house can be quite messy sometimes but I cook my kids fresh meals every day, I clothe them in warm things all be it asda stuff, i love them very much and I think the 3 of us have quite a close relationship.... theyre lovely kids and if im having a bad day theyre more than happy to come snuggle up on the sofa with me and watch a dvd.... we all cuddle up together and its cosy. she thinks i have issues dealing with ds's behaviour and trys to make out he is vicious towards dd.... and whilst i agree he can be a little heavy handed at times he is a 2 year old boy who wants his mummys attention all to himself... dd came along and now he has to share it so understandably he gets a little frustrated at tiems and can lash out.... i dont think there is anything wrong with it though and I punish him suitably if he is mean.... same goes to dd. and on the plus side the two of them are so close. they hold hands, play together and look out for one another.... theyre so alike in many ways yet so different.
the hvs comments just make me feel crap and so i just end up avoiding her and her calls..... a few months back she was getting all funny because their weight had dropped.... i serisouly couldnt get my kids to eat more if i tried. theyre gannets.

just seem to be having more and more bad days recently and i dont want to go back on the ad's..... but at the same time i dont want to get really low like i did before.

sorry to rant on. im just really tired of being me..... my life isnt perfect.... there are many areas which need improving but my children are beautiful and perfect and i feel like im letting them down whilst i feel likie this. I wanna be a good mum for them so that they can grow up and be glad theyre part of our family.

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