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The problem with suicidal thoughts, when you have children, is that no matter how bad you feel, you know you can never ever act on them...

(9 Posts)
MerlinsBeard Fri 23-Oct-09 10:19:30

..and i feel like i am about to implode. I know deep down that i wouldn't actually go thru with it, nor even a half arsed attempt but, at the moment it doesn't stop me thinking that i want to. And in a way i kind of feel trapped because there is no way out of this life now. Nothing until The End as they say.

I am just "releasing" so need to reply, am about to email samaritans but i just needed a more instand ..um .. not rant but you know what i mean.

sdjgfskdufg Fri 23-Oct-09 10:23:50

I'm really sorry you feel do low. I know exactly what you mean. There isn't that little let out when you have children. Certainly not as a reality, and also not even as a fantasy: you don't even have the release of dwelling on the idea of death, because the fantasy of that escape becomes a catalogue of the horrors of leaving your children alone. It is claustrophobic.

I hope that you get some support from the Samaritans.

TheMitsubishiWarrioress Fri 23-Oct-09 10:25:17

I know that trapped feeling, but not the suicidal thoughts mom, and I am so sorry you are having such a bad time.

I don't know what help you might be getting but I hope it is there for you..I am really hoping e-mailing the samaritans helps and I will be thinking of you and hoping you pull back from the total desolato soon.

That the children are your saving grace is a blessing....I am sure you have much to offer life and wish that things improve for you as soon as possible.

MerlinsBeard Fri 23-Oct-09 10:26:16

Thank you for understanding. I knew someone would know how to describe it better!

TheMitsubishiWarrioress Fri 23-Oct-09 10:34:40

In a way though, you have already made a choice....to live. Because some people when faced with those dreadful feelings still can not find the strength to keep holding on.
And so however bad you feel, you have put your children before yourself and that is a very brave thing to do when you are feeling so bad.

I think you should acknowledge your own courage in recognising where you are and holding on....

MagnolianMonsterMash Fri 23-Oct-09 10:42:16

Oh Mom....could be me writing that too sad

I too have had the same thoughts for a while now but not wanting to leave my beautiful children is all that stops me blush

I hope you find a way through this xxx

iwascyteenagewerewolf Fri 23-Oct-09 10:44:10

As someone whose mum did kill herself, it's refreshingly positive to read a thread title like yours if that's any help. What MitsubishiWarrioress says is true - you already have the strength in you to get through this dark time, and I hope there are people around to help you access it. All the best

MerlinsBeard Fri 23-Oct-09 11:35:44

Thank you for being supportive.

I didn't send the email but it helped to write it and it's in drafts so I can send if I feel I need to. Spoke to DH about some of the stuff -well texted cos he texted to ask lol. We'll see what happens with that..hmm.

I don't ever want my children to feel burdened that they have to make me happy.

Eve34 Fri 23-Oct-09 11:47:35

I understnad just how you feel, i had some terrible thought but would not do anything to miss 1 moment of my son growing up. I have seen the GP and my medication has been up again and I now have been in contact with the mental health team. It all seems a bit OTT but it really helped.

Hope you get the support you need. x

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