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How to cope with a narcissistic parent?

(11 Posts)
silentcatastrophe Wed 21-Oct-09 19:19:11

I reckon my dad probably has a narcissistic personality disorder. My mum (now demented) thinks he has something wrong with his brain. It seems to add up - I was definitely used as a scapegoat. My youngest brother was the golden child who could do no wrong. He flies into tantrums over nothing normal, then blames whoever is around. His behaviour is definitely contextual. When he thinks people are high up, he grovels. It is very much a case of Charm over the Cocktails and Hell over the Shredded Wheat.

I am very worried about my mum's care (he is the main carer). Her memory clinic doctor is very worried about her care too. My dad won't listen.

What are the implications of a positive diagnosis of NPD?

silentcatastrophe Thu 22-Oct-09 10:17:59

I can't find the old thread.

silentcatastrophe Thu 22-Oct-09 17:16:20

Am I all alone?

Stripycat23 Mon 26-Oct-09 14:38:27

Certainly not. Wait till I find a link
(then figure out how to paste it in)

Stripycat23 Mon 26-Oct-09 14:45:37

I realise you said that you suspect your Dad has NPD but don't let the address put you off. This is a really useful site with lots of information about NPD. There's also a forum for everyone who has survived their parents/partners/families NPD.

From what I've read, there is no successful treatment for NPD I'm afraid.

You are NOT alone. See you there. wink

Stripycat23 Mon 26-Oct-09 14:59:36

Oh, just re-read my first post. I sound very haughty! Oops...sorry about that

silentcatastrophe Tue 27-Oct-09 12:01:00

You don't sound haughty at all! Thank you for that link! It's so much harder when so many people think that the N is so wonderful and so good.

Stripycat23 Tue 27-Oct-09 17:17:47

I so understand what you mean. I'm a scapegoat too. I realise that you're very worried about your Mum but are YOU ok too?


silentcatastrophe Tue 27-Oct-09 17:40:04

I think I'm just about ok. A bit shaky at the moment. It's a lot to process, and of course the madness of it all.

I spoke to my aunt about my dad's behaviour at the weekend, and she said yes, I was demonised, especially after the death of my older brother. My father would have preferred that I had died, not my brother. He also hated that I was a girl. I knew from an early age that I was a failed boy (not much I could do about that), and I learned very early that I could do no right.

I have had therapy for most of my adult life, and now in my 40s there seems to be a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. It is so hard to reconcile being so so unwanted, and having to live with it.

How do you cope with it all?

Stripycat23 Wed 28-Oct-09 12:11:53

I had my "lightbulb" moment fairly recently so I'm still processing it all.

I've did lots of internet searches on narcissism and started to write down those memories to help deal with them - one at a time. I've gone to low contact with my NM which is helping immensely. So is having a DH who believes me. Funny as I'm very calm and content in the midst of all those emotions (including a lot of anger).

That's a terrible thing your Dad said to you. He should be ashamed. angry Remember, none of this is your fault. One day at a time...

silentcatastrophe Wed 28-Oct-09 17:14:43

I have a fantastic dh too. He has seen my dad in one of his lunatic ways. My dad was telling him to sell our house and demanding to see dh's accounts. I don't think he could understand that we could be poor and still have a reasonable relationship. I think he was trying to take control. Oh it's bonkers!

I'm feeling better today. I just feel like such a loon when the whole thing gets too big in my head even though it's not my fault at all.

It seems like a good idea to start writing things down. Do you write down the good things too?

Thank you for posting. It really is helpful and reassuringsmile

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