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shld I tell GP info which might affect exP's treatment/diagnosis?

(5 Posts)
cestlavielife Wed 21-Oct-09 16:32:09

my exP has been diagnosed with depression.

i left my exP in April 2008 after he was abusive/agressive.

previously he had been depressed and was self harming in early 2007, in july 2007 he attacked our disabled ds and me and was admitted to psych unit but eventually discharged with diagnosis of anxiety disorder and depression. i cld not care for him as well as 3 dcs and persuaded him to go to his family.
during this time i had counselling and concluded we cld not be together as a couple.i reviewed all the times he had been verbally abusive/controlling behaviour etc.

he did not accept the idea of living separately.

he returned in december 2007, manipulated into family home and became more agressive and violent, in april 2008 he kicked me and i moved with the 3 dcs.
he visited dcs in our new home but was agitated, depressed, finally assaulted me and caused damage. we went to court. his GP called me to say he was "severely depressed".

since then has had supervised contact in contact centre - all sessions went well.

now moved to supervised outside contact centre.

a few issues but lately he has not turned up saying "i am low" "i have not eaten all day" "i have no food in the house" "you can help me" "let me come to your house" (he cannot come in our house and i feel i cannot help him).

he said he had been to GP but "they cannot help me".

now I am debating whether to point out to GP that exP in august was very hyperactive, spent £2500 on a joint acocunt sending it into heavy overdraft and incurring £300 bank charges. he refurbished a flat which is sitll joint owned and is rented out - but went overboard, replacing doors and skirting boards for example when this wasnt needed and there was no money to do this - he should have just painted them.

also, during this time he was very agressive in text messages and demanding things which were not practical - in court saying he should see the children every day for example which just isnt feasible. (he has court ordered supervised - two mid week sessions and weekend sessions)

he said in text msg that I had been so abusive to him (by leaving him) that he has been self harming in the past two years.

shld i tell GP this?

also saying we could be together again which just isnt on the cards.

my lay diagnosis is big highs and lows - eg bipolar??

but shld i just leave it to GP to diagnose him even tho i doubt GP has full information?

or shld i tell GP about the mad spending - his neighbours described him during this refurbishment period as "manic" "oh he told me he was up at 6 am painting" etc. one nighbour compained about him doing DIY noise thru til late at night too.

if he catches me on the phone then i keep repeating to him his issues are his repsonsibility - so do i stay out of passing on any information to GP?

but the dcs are suppsoed to see him - so it does have something to do with me?

tell the GP about his overspending, his self harm, his current depression - his highs and lows over the past years - or not?

would it make any difference to diagnosis and treatment - so he can be a fulfilled and happy parent to his children?

Slambang Wed 21-Oct-09 16:39:13

short answer - yes.

Long answer - it sounds like you and the dcs may be at risk when xdp is on a high/low. It may be highly pertinent to decisions about access to the dcs. You cannot afford to rik presuming the medical services will spot the danger signs if xdp doesn't disclose himself. You can write it in a confidential letter to the GP explaining you don't want to be mentioned to xp if needed to remain anonymous.

GP might decide its not relevant but s/he may ask xdp a few more pertinent questions and bear the info in mind when diagnosing or prescribing.

bigstripeytiger Wed 21-Oct-09 16:41:22

I probably would in your situation, maybe you could go to the GP with your Ex, it sounds like it is possible that your ex isnt completely aware of his behaviour, so if he was involved in the discussion that might be helpful for him?. It also sounds like it would be helpful for the GP to have the relevent information.

cestlavielife Wed 21-Oct-09 22:44:27

i cannot go to gp with ex - he would interpret that as me wanting to take him on again. or use it as a time to go on about how unsupportive and abusive to him i have been, according to him... like that book titled "i hate you dont leave me"

but i will think about a letter to GP. i do feel that he likely has not disclosed - but if they probe with the right questions they might get more info...

gonnabehappy Thu 22-Oct-09 08:50:05


I would definitely speak to GP, and I would make it a telephone call rather than in writing. Explain that you do not wish to discuss the GP's patient's confidential history (so GP does not feel that you are either very involved or 'fishing' for potential court case etc). Then point out that in your experience of exP he is not always able (be kind don't say unwilling) to share information that might potentially result in better help and support for him in his role as your children's father. Then outline briefly.

Repeat that you have no personal relationship with this man and that you do not expect to be informed/involved with any decision making but that you hope this information will enable GP to ask the right questions to gain a clearer picture of the struggles your exP has and thus possibly offer appropriate help.

Be polite and make sure you do not sound emotional.

Good luck - I have done this in the past in other circumstances. It does feel like a big deal and it isn't easy but I think it was the right thing to do.

Let us know how you get on.

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