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Please help me, I am pushing everyone away...

(16 Posts)
Cryingmum Tue 20-Oct-09 10:41:12

I know there are more people worse off than I am and I know I should be grateful but i want to crawl into a hole and stay there. I am sitting here in tears after another row with my DH about my snappy shitty attitude, i am pretty sure he's on his way out the door forever.

My job gets me down, I am being forced out, but they are doing it in a very clever way so they won't have no come back. I know I have watched them do it before hundreds of times. Work life is so awkward its almost unbearable. I want to quit DH says we can't afford it On top of this I have an ongoing health problem which means I am constantly in pain so I have very broken sleep daily.

I am snapping at my DH and my DC's. I miss being home with my boys, I miss being able to pick me youngest up. I miss being able to do housework. I am in pain constantly. It's a back problem so I am limited on what I can do.

Me and DH are always snapping and griping at each other and arguing. We just had a massive row this morning which I am pretty certain will end up with him walking out the door. Now I know I am not all the blame here, he has issues too. I feel like he doesn't respect me as a person nor does he want to take on anything I have to say.

I just dont know what to do. I am waiting on appointments to sort out my back problem but I think I know it is always going to be there. I wake up every day feeling sick at the thought of going into work.

I am slowly falling apart

PS - I have name changed sorry!

blissa Tue 20-Oct-09 11:02:39

Oh love

Didn't want your post to go unanswered. How long have you been feeling this way?

Cryingmum Tue 20-Oct-09 11:05:35

About 3 months now. I am trying to find another job but like everyone else I am struggling.

To top things off GP has signed me off now for a week. I am worried that this will be the final straw and they will use this as an excuse to let me go

blissa Tue 20-Oct-09 11:16:54

I'm sure they won't be able to. Do you belong to a union? Is there somewhere you can get some advice?

Have you spoken to your GP about how you are feeling?

Cryingmum Tue 20-Oct-09 11:44:26

No union. tbh it's not the sort of place that would listen anyway.

Mentioned it to GP on Friday when I was there over my back. He said to go back in a few weeks if I am still feeling this way.

I can't stop crying, now my gorgeous DS is up and being cute I need to stop crying for him really dont I xx

blissa Tue 20-Oct-09 11:57:30

He'll help to keep you busy.

When does your dh come home? Is there anyway you can sit and talk with him later. Me and my dp went through a bad time earlier this year after I was ill and it affected me, emotionally, for a long time. He just couldn't understand it. Men seem to be very much about getting on with things, my dp would never talk about things, until one night it all came to ahead and he said some awful things to me and threatened to walk out.

I'm sure you can sort things out, I know it's hard though.

And don't wait for a few weeks if you feel you need to go back and talk to the dr.

I have to go and pick up ds now, be back later x

skihorse Tue 20-Oct-09 13:53:40

Don't tell yourself "others have it worse" - undoubtedly some do - but that in no way invalidates how you feel and don't let anyone tell you that it doesn't! Your feelings are real and valid.

As for work - yes, some companies can be real shitheads with this sort of thing. Is it worth sourcing an employment lawyer should the shtf? Keep a diary of "unprofessional" actions towards you so that you can take them to a tribunal if need's must.

Cryingmum Tue 20-Oct-09 14:18:45

I have a diary re: work as imo work are the start of the back problem, it started 6 weeks ago when we had to move offices with no manual handling training etc... So I will be seeing a solicitor if they sack me, just adds to the stress as well.

I just don't know where to start to fix it all. Have kinda made up with DH though so thats a good start and DC2 (2.5yo) told me his dinner was beautiful

Cryingmum Tue 20-Oct-09 14:21:50

I do need to stop snapping though and pushing my DC's and DH away. They are the only things in the world that are stopping me from getting in the car and running away. (That and lack of money!) How do I stop???

My house is in a state at the moment too because we had a massive flood and we are having to get work done to fix it and make it liveable. I am sleeping on a mattress on the floor in an attempt to help my back so not getting my usual snuggles off DH which always make me feel better.

Sorry just whittling on now...

blissa Tue 20-Oct-09 14:28:04

Apart from signing you off, what did the gp say about your back?

Cryingmum Tue 20-Oct-09 14:29:28

I have been put on the urgent list for Physiotherapy and referred for an urgent MRI scan. Which should be in the next week or so they said

blissa Tue 20-Oct-09 14:34:18

That's good. So are you saying that you had to move things into a new office and doing so hurt your back?

skihorse Tue 20-Oct-09 14:37:46

Try not to stress about the solicitor - easier said than done I know wink - but the point is, once the case is in their hands, it's their job to stress about it, not yours. It's very easy for us to worry about things which we don't need to worry about if you see what I mean?

As for the lack of money, I know that's a huge, huge, huge, HUGE stressor. But someone gave me some great advice about that side of things - again, the banks/whomever - it's their job to worry about any money they lent you. You're doing everything you can to pay the bills, but they can do the worrying. Again, I know it's hard - I stress really badly about this from about 2 weeks after I've been paid until about 3 weeks after - you know, money is gone and not yet any new stuff coming in - it just seems almost impossible not to worry. Then I try and turn my thinking around to be more "well, the leccy company can worry whether I will pay or not, I know I will on the 22nd".

It sounds right now like you have a huge amount on your plate and you're doing so great! You're still articulating your feelings - to us at least - rather than withdrawing.

Is your husband on the floor with you right now? If yes, then tell him he MUST snuggle you - even if only for 5 minutes. You need snuggles right now. It's not wrong for you to say "darling, I'm worried about work, money, my back, the kids, our relationship and I know you don't have all the answers but I'd really like a hug".

Cryingmum Tue 20-Oct-09 14:39:07

It was then when it started, we were not given any other option tbh! it's just got gradually worse.

blissa Tue 20-Oct-09 14:39:29

Good post skihorse

silentcatastrophe Tue 20-Oct-09 17:07:45

Some jobs are crap, and some managers succeed in making them even crapper. Kickbully may have some relevant information. Sometimes it is so important not to feel alone in whatever is happening to you. My ex-boss was ghastly. She was taken to a tribunal by another employee for gross professional misconduct, but sadly her bosses couldn't be arsed to sack her.

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