I split with ex 2.5 years ago. We went to Relate, and we dug around some issues.
One of my major things was that Ex would never have stepped in should I do something stupid, or awful to the children, or neglectful, or started spending all the money or something. I remember shouting at him during one of these sessions that it was a good job I'm not an abusive mother, because he would just leave me to it.
fast forward ... present bf very very gently pulled me up on grumpy parenting this weekend (he was right) and I had to hide how disgustinglygrateful I was that he had basically disagreed with me.
I'm crap at psychoanalysing, in fact I don't even think I spelt it properly
However, I think we all need (and appreciate) a kick up the ass once in a while, I know I do for sure. It's a good thing, stops us becoming too unreasonable. A gentle reminder not to take too much for granted
My DH is really easy going but when he tells me off (very rarely), I feel really pleased (once I have calmed down) that he has as he is always right (never ever tell him that) and I have been out of order.
SHould add that I think it shows he cares about me and the DC. Maybe that's why you felt so peeved with your ex, because it looked like he didn't care and you are grateful to your BF cause it seems like he does [rambling emoticon].
Enough amateur phsychoanalysis for you? Hope so, it's all I've got.
You want a partner to SHARE the responsibility of life and the lives of the little ones with. That's all it is.
My dh will do whatever I tell him to help me, - but he won't think of himself. It drives me mad because although he'll work hard, it is sill MY responsibility. We all need an occassional break from it.