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**ANyone fancy a little amateur psychonalysing?**

(13 Posts)
colditz Mon 05-Oct-09 22:40:31

I split with ex 2.5 years ago. We went to Relate, and we dug around some issues.

One of my major things was that Ex would never have stepped in should I do something stupid, or awful to the children, or neglectful, or started spending all the money or something. I remember shouting at him during one of these sessions that it was a good job I'm not an abusive mother, because he would just leave me to it.

fast forward ... present bf very very gently pulled me up on grumpy parenting this weekend (he was right) and I had to hide how disgustingly grateful I was that he had basically disagreed with me.

Isn't this completely fucked up?

moaningminniewhingesagain Mon 05-Oct-09 22:43:23

It sounds pretty healthy to me. And sounds like present BF is a good unsmile

SqueezyCheesyPumpkin Mon 05-Oct-09 22:44:27

I'm crap at psychoanalysing, in fact I don't even think I spelt it properly grin

However, I think we all need (and appreciate) a kick up the ass once in a while, I know I do for sure. It's a good thing, stops us becoming too unreasonable. A gentle reminder not to take too much for granted smile

LowLevelWhingeing Mon 05-Oct-09 22:47:26

I am absolutely no psychoanalyst, but how unfucked up are you to have insight into your own behaviour like this?

FourShour Mon 05-Oct-09 22:48:42

I think you need to make your own opinion of your parenting skills smile

GhostWriter Mon 05-Oct-09 22:49:29

Well clearly you crave in a partner the boundary-setting you lacked in your own childhood.

<adjusts pince-nez>

FourShour Mon 05-Oct-09 22:51:47

on - not of... {idiot}

MyCatsAScarierBastardThanYours Mon 05-Oct-09 22:52:49

My DH is really easy going but when he tells me off (very rarely), I feel really pleased (once I have calmed down) that he has as he is always right (never ever tell him that) and I have been out of order.

MyCatsAScarierBastardThanYours Mon 05-Oct-09 22:55:13

SHould add that I think it shows he cares about me and the DC. Maybe that's why you felt so peeved with your ex, because it looked like he didn't care and you are grateful to your BF cause it seems like he does [rambling emoticon].

Enough amateur phsychoanalysis for you? Hope so, it's all I've got.

colditz Mon 05-Oct-09 22:57:31

I think generally my parenting is great.

I just have this fear that one day I will transmogrify into this awful awful person, who will be awful,. and piss everyone off, and be mean to my kids, or do stupid things, and NOBODY WILL STOP ME...

One of my most hated phrases from my parents was "Well, you're a clever girl, work it out for yourself"

So I wonder if I feel I need guidance.

i am ripe for a cult, aren't I?

colditz Mon 05-Oct-09 22:58:41

LLW - I thought this was just Monday night self indulgent navelgazingblushgrin

MoonlightMcKenzie Mon 05-Oct-09 23:11:29

You want a partner to SHARE the responsibility of life and the lives of the little ones with. That's all it is.

My dh will do whatever I tell him to help me, - but he won't think of himself. It drives me mad because although he'll work hard, it is sill MY responsibility. We all need an occassional break from it.

LowLevelWhingeing Mon 05-Oct-09 23:17:02

Boundaries are good. They are what make us feel safe; isn't that why we provide them for our kids, because we love them?

And boundaries are stability.

Your OP actually sounds really nice smile to me at least

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