postnatal anxiety

[yodayoda]

HELP!
can someone please help?
-i am suffering with severe postnatal anxiety

-i have 11 month old and a 4 year old.

-i am terrified they will die-

• or be in an accident-

• i think it will flood in the night and how will i keep both my childrens heads above the water-

-- i almost bought a boat at 4am so we would be safe-

• i fear fire-

• i walk alnog the pathement and am always looking to see where i could push the buggy to safety if a lorry mounted the kirb-

• i want to protect my children but am terrified something will happen to them-

-i fear i will die and my babies will have no mother and who will know what they like etc_

PLEASE HELP ME?

i have searched for books relating to postnatal depression etc but they all seem to be about poeple who want to harm their children or resent them, i am on the other end of the spectrum, i love them so so much and just want to protect them

can anyone suggest a book?

thankyou for reading this too. xx

[YommyMommy]

Hey yodayoda,

Sorry you are feeling that way, have you spoken to your GP/HV about how you are feeling?? I have been suffering with anxiety since my DS2 was baout 8 months old, he is going to be 4 in feb, and I also have an 11 month old! I don't resent my children either, I love them with all my heart. The thing that used to set me of worse than anything else was when my DS1 was sick, even if it was just a wee temp I would be at my wits end!

I never worried about things to the extent you do, i.e flooding and buying a boat! I had a wee laugh at that bit - sorry! But you will know your self your thoughts are totally irrational. Its just having to get your head to put things into perspective!! (sp??)

Soory of thats not much help, I def suggest speaking to a professional they will be able to get you some councelling and that maybe all it takes to help you stop thinking horrible thoughts!

Look on amazon - i bought some good books called over coming anxiety, but you may be looking for something more relevant! Sorry if that doesn;t help at all

x x x

[yodayoda]

hi yommy mommy
thankyou so much for your reply

i have seen my gr last week and am booked in for councelling, she offered pills too but am worried i will turn into a zombie!
no worries about having a giggle at the boat, you are right in saying its irrational, but at the time the 4am boat buying episode was URGENT, not that we live near water, even got quotes to have large windows put in our loft so we would be able to get out if trapped upstairs!
cant bear to have anything happen to my children!
doc seems to think it steams from me seeing a cardiologist when in march (as was diagnosed with a hole in the heart (not life threatning) whilst pregnant and couldnt breathe all the way through pregnancy) and he told me to go home and get a will sorted out! ever since then i have been frantic and only just admitted it to my very loving husband!!!!!!
just cant find any books of postnatal anxiety that deal with feat of my children dying or harm coming to them- they all seem to deal with mammies that want to hurt their children and want to kill themselves?
i am the opposite, dont want to die and want to protect my babies!!!
thankyou again for listening and for your email, its so kind of you to take the time. thankyou xx

[YommyMommy]

yodayoda,

Thats is terrible thing for your Cardiolist to say! I am totally shocked! No wonder your are feeling the way you are!!!!!

I am rushing out to a kids party at the moment, but promise I will come back on and chat later if you like!

Just know you are not alone!!!
x x x

[yodayoda]

thankyoy so much for your kind words, have a lovely party. will check in tomorrow. xxxx

[yodayoda]

ps sorry for the typing errors, i am a bit rubbish on the computer. xx

[StableButDeluded]

Hi Yoda, just wanted to say that pills won't necessarily turn you into a zombie.

Did the GP offer antidepressants? If so, they can be very good with helping with anxiety, they are not just for depression. For example, I take Citalopram which is often given to people suffering from panic attacks.

Antidepressants are in no way the same as tranquilizers, which DO calm you, but are very short acting & do make you feel drowsy. Antidepressants take about 3 weeks to start working, they have some side effects initially but they disappear. They do not work like tranquilisers and will not turn you into a zombie. I would certainly see your GP again & maybe consider trying an AD if that is what they think may help.

I had anxiety problems before my DS was born, but I developed post-natal depression & my anxiety just soared. I didn't want to harm my DS, like you I worried constantly about his wellbeing. I developed a fixation on how much milk he was drinking & would go into a panic if he didn't have what I thought was 'enough'.

FWIW, my health visitor said that it's very common for women with PND or anxiety to worry excessively over their baby's wellbeing.

I have found that the ADs helped me enormously. I still take them to control my anxiety & now I'm pretty much OK unless I'm premenstrual. Of course they are not for everyone, but they are certainly worth trying.

Will see if I can find any relevent reading for you.

[ReneRusso]

I just wanted to say that postnatal depression is absolutely not about resenting your children or wanting to harm them. That is an extreme misrepresentation. Sometimes, but by no means always, it can mean not bonding with your baby. But this is clearly not the case for you.
I agree with Stable, citalopram helped me too. You can try a low dose, and it doesn't make you zonked or zombielike. However the counselling will probably help you overcome your anxiety. Good luck.

[yodayoda]

sorry didnt mean to offend by saying postnatal drpression results in mothers who want to harm their children and often themselves too-

i should have made it clearer that the only books i can find ref postnatal depression or anxiety all seem to deal with the harming or non bonding issues;

can anyone advise a book of women who have been through the same as me- ie treeified that my children will die or will be in a fire/drown/be kidnapped etc and that i wont be able to save or protect them

or that i will die myself leaving my babies crying at night for their mammy!

cant find anything on the web relating to these anxieties?

sorry again if u upset anyone, didnt meant to, am new to this forum thing so will infuture make it clear what im talking about . kingest regards yodayoda

[YommyMommy]

Afternoon yodayoda,

Don;t worry about offending people! In life you can never please everyone

How are you feeling today??? Did you try to order anything mad on the net last night??? Soory, only joking! But if we don't laugh we will just continue to cry, right???

Do you not sleep well for worrying? Did you have a look on amazon for any books? Sorry I can;t help you out there! I am still in shock about what that cardio doc said to you, insensitive prat!!!! About your hole in the heart, is it something that was brought on by being pregnant or has it always been there? Have you ever had a second opinion?

Hoep you are okay, have you done anything nice today???

I have had a pretty lazy day, apart form all the house work! My head is pounding from tiredness. DS (11months) hasn't been sleeping to well the past few nights so have cut him right down on the day time naps today! He has had an hour so far, but think hi is getting pretty tired now! Only 3 more hours til bed time

Hope you are okay!!!

x x x

[labyrinthine]

Hi there yodayoda sorry you are feeling so anxious about your little ones.

As you probably know there is a big difference between a "concern" over your los and the sort of free falling imaginary scenarios you are thinking through[which aren't actually helping with a real problem].

The trouble is if you keep doing this
1.You will become mentally and physically exhausted

1. You are so wrapped up in unlikely possibilities you are ill prepared to deal with a real problem[you could go to pieces as you are always imagining the worst]

It sounds as if you could be having a problem with too much anxiety ~ obsessive compulsive type of thoughts,post traumatic stress[can be small traumas as well as big ones] or depression.

Do you sleep badly or do you wake early in the morning?

Have you lost your appetite or any weight?

Maybe the stress of being pregnant,being told sudden bad news and now having two to look after has tipped you into this obsessive anxiety.

Try to stay in the real world ,chatting to other mums about their children,going to toddler groups,the HV and GP.

Try looking at it from the other extreme ~ imagine for a moment,God forbid,one of the dcs becoming seriously ill with for example meningitis ~ what would you do,who would you call,where would you call for help.Sometimes we are so desperate to prevent things happening we forget that we have to have an actual plan to cope if there was a problem.

Also check out what real life support you have ~ sometimes parenting is a very heavy burden and it can all be too much so share the worries out with family and friends.

[labyrinthine]

Just reread my post and it sounds rather abrupt sorry ~ not my intention at all,just trying to say too much all at once.

What I'm trying to say is,the way you are feeling is because of your stress you have had to cope with,get plenty of rest,take some time alone to bath and relax etc,share your worries with friends and family,get out and about,go for the counselling and eat well.

This will hopefully be enough to regain your perspective and calm down.

Hope you feel better soon and keep posting

[yodayoda]

Thankyou all so very much for your posts!
its so kind of you to take the time to help.

as far as sleeping! hmmm not at all, im either checking on my children to make sure they are still breathing, or laying in bed with a baby monitor next to each ear, or trawling the net trying to but boats, fire blankets, or getting quotes for windows in the loft roof incase the floods come!

thank god we dont own a credit card or i think i would have spent tens of thousands!

i have lost weight too, but reached a whopping 15 stone (im only 5 foot!!!) as was imobile through whole pregnancy and doubled my weight! so am loosing that thank god down to 12 stone only another 4 stone to go! EEK!

thank goodness i have a very loving husband and wonderful parents, and my 11 month old is a joy (as is my 4 year old) but my baby has slept all night long from the day we brought him home from the hospital, never done a night feed, he smiles all day long, eats anything and apart from a bit of nappy rash is healthy. such a happy boy, which intern makes me so cross with myself that despite all the wonderful family and friends and children in my life i still am trying to buy boats!!!!

i am starting to see the lighter side of all this thanks in part to you all who have sent your kind wishes and advice.
am off to docs to get pills, so fingers crossed.

thankyou all fo your pearls of wisdome
love yodayoda xxxx