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Surrounded by people....

(9 Posts)
lonelyasacloud Wed 30-Sep-09 20:58:02

but completely alone...

that is how I feel, like on the outside I good old me, reliable, dependable etc etc

I feel like sometimes Im so lonely, I get on well with people but i feel like they lose interest and move on, i feel like ive fecked up, tried too hard.

I dont desperately need people/ friends I have family but inside I feel like im so alone and im doing it all alone and nobody cares about anyone but in their own little bubble, this place is so selfish, it makes me sad.

I have been feeling very sad today and it is only now writing this down that I realise why I am sad.

Im sad that I feel alone
Im sad that people are greedy
Im sad that people ar thoughtless
Im sad that people only see fit to comment when things go wrong

where did we all get so preoccupied with our own little bubbles? (i generalise)

I feel like inside im screaming, I want people to be happy I smile at someone in the street they look at me thinking that either im some weirdo that fancies them or Im about to stab them....

I cant do it any more, im so worn out with it all, trying too hard to make people happy and all they see is the bad side, they never try and look for the good, it seems every silver lining has a cloud.

lonelyasacloud Thu 01-Oct-09 20:01:58

so on a site surrounded by tonnes of posters...........and still I am alone, this only confirms it sad

SpeckledHen Thu 01-Oct-09 20:13:41

YOu are not alone. {{{Hugs}}}

lonelyasacloud Thu 01-Oct-09 20:20:13

I feel like im the only one who can see what is going on...not that i have some fantastic insight or anything, I just watch people and feel completely different to them. I have ideas and people look at me as if i have two head hmm, I feel like im completely out of tune iwth others and I have to talk in away they will understand otherwise I get shut out and ignored like Im someone to be wary of sad

SpeckledHen Fri 02-Oct-09 12:57:23

Just checked to see if anyone else had replied. I feel like this too at certain times of the month and at others I feel that Iam OK and that doing my own thing is OK and that I fit in fine. Do you feel like this all the time or just at certain ties of the month? It does clearly bother you. I am so sorry you feel like that. Maybe we all do from time to time - some more than others. Plese do reply.

SpeckledHen Fri 02-Oct-09 12:58:47

Have you read the school gate clique threads? There are others out there who feel they are not in with the in people. And there are definitely some really sh**y people out there but there are some lovely ones too.

OrmIrian Fri 02-Oct-09 13:01:56

You aren't alone lonely.

But I do think that your perceptions are being skewed by your mood. IME the more you smile, the more you give, the more you get back. But it is hard at times sad There are times when you feel as if the world is cold and grey and unfriendly and what you need to do is curl up in bed and shut it all out.

It does sounds like you might be depression. Do you often feel this way?

lonelyasacloud Fri 02-Oct-09 21:39:15

thankyou for your replies, you are both very caring lovely people.

I think that sometimes I think too hard.

I try and please too many people, Im very easily let down but dont show it.

I feel sometimes that the world is a very greedy selfish place and that makes me very sad.

i do feel like this a lot of the time, and sometimes I feel like im being a bit snobby about the way i feel, like I think to myself " how do I think I am to look down on anyone else, Im just as bad sometimes"

If I try and explain how I feel I sound like a freak, I dont want to go with the flow and get sucked into a way of life that I think is shallow but at the same time if I dont Im so alone....people dont give the time to be true freinds they are to preoccupied with houses, cars, holidays, farking big TV's

It allllll makes me so sad. If i do something for someone, it is because i think they really could do with help and I would like to help, not for any return favour or because I wnat to be some sort of do-gooder, and yet if you do someone a favour (it could be a complete stranger) people think you have some sort of agenda....I bought a man begging in the street a big coffee the other day.....it was so early in the morning and he was cold...I told my colleague in work about him because i thought it was sad this man was begging - he said I was stupid and could have been attacked WTF!!! how thoughtless (I dont mind him calling me stupid but to imagine ignoring someone because you thing they may attack you, someone who has had to lower themselves to begging in the streets) Im losing the thread of what Im trying to say...because it is a feeling that is hard to explain, I dont want praise or people to think im attention seeking....I just feel like im alone in my feelings.

I cant explain to my friends in person as they get offended when I say I feel alone, as if i tinhk they are not doing their jobs as friends properly dwkwim?

SpeckledHen Fri 30-Oct-09 18:39:18

I feel like this sometimes too I think if I am understanding properly and at other times I am preoccupied with my house and car and kids. Essentially we are all alone in that we will never know another person from the inside. Bully for you for giving the man in the street a coffee. Have you aever read 'the women's room' by Marilyn French? I found it empowering. There is one line in which she says that you should not care what others think(of you) but should care only about what you think of them. I like that. Ther is another bit where she says that many people live in a very narrow way and do not engage with anyone outside their circle. It is an effort to step away from your own securities and try to engage with someone who may not see things like you do. I like that too.

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