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Wallowing in a sea of self-pity!

(8 Posts)
Caroline5 Tue 07-Jun-05 23:19:11

Please help me find ways of breaking out of this cycle of self-pity! Recently my life has been pretty bad as follows:

- husband of 16 years became alcoholic and then increasingly violent from about 7 years ago. I had to call the police eventually, although ought to have done it earlier
- we split up 3 months ago and are now divorcing
- husband is unemployed and pays me no money
- I have two children, dd2 is severely disabled and attends special school (cannot walk or talk, aged 4)
- minimal local support network, no local family, no respite care available
- work during all the available child free hours I have, so no 'me' time at all

I can't break out of this cycle of feeling I've got it worse than everyone else. I know I don't, and especially not when reading the SN board, it's just that I'm finding it hard to be positive. I can't imagine ever being with anyone else (not that I want to at the moment), so there is no prospect of things getting easier any time soon. I don't think I am depressed really, but please someone give me a wake up call and make me be more positive!! I've got two beautiful dds, am my own boss and at least have a job!

Thanks in advance (PS will not be able to be back on here before tomorrow pm).

JustThinking Tue 07-Jun-05 23:57:53

Message withdrawn

Caroline5 Wed 08-Jun-05 07:32:18

JustThinking. I'm sorry you've had such a terrible time. I think childhood is responsible for quite a few of my problems too. My parents weren't violent to me and I think did want the best for me, but never stopped criticising me and telling me where I was going wrong. I don't remember much praise or emotional support (this continues now).

It seems that once bad luck starts happening, it just seems to keep on going, until you somehow break out of it.

I don't get any respite as there is a long waiting list with the Social Services disability team and there seems to be little else available locally.

Hope things are a bit better for you now, JustThinking. xx

coppertop Wed 08-Jun-05 11:12:09

Have you thought about applying for Direct Payments for someone to help out and give you a bit of a break? It won't be the magic solution to all your problems but it might at least give you a bit of breathing space.

Have you looked into all your financial options too now that you are no longer with dh? eg tax credits. If you do qualify and haven't already applied make sure they know you get DLA as you will then get extra payments on top.

Look after yourself. xx

Caroline5 Wed 08-Jun-05 21:02:01

Thanks CT Have thought about Direct Payments, but was given the impression by SS that we weren't entitled. I guess I will ask when I get the chance. Have sorted out the tax credits which is a big help.

Sorry for this wingeing thread, feeling better today

Caroline5 Wed 08-Jun-05 21:33:53

Anyway, I guess the lack of responses is my answer really!

haven Thu 09-Jun-05 04:37:30

honey, sorry i got here a lil late. i just wanted to say it "will" get better. look around, ask questions, search the net. there is help out there, sometimes people don't share because they don't know you need. life goes in cycles i think...things almost always get bad before they get good. maybe this is God's way of showing you that you can do it on your own. if you put up with dh abuse for so long, maybe you just needed a push up the hill. once you get to the top, you'll get to ride down.
cheer up!!!
self pity, i won't condone, but i must admit i fall prey to it sometimes myself, but when i pick myself up again i feel great knowing that it does get better.

Caroline5 Thu 09-Jun-05 12:14:29

Thanks haven ! Am embarrassed now at this thread!

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