confused about my

[happyathome]

why do i feel so negative now about having a baby(now 8 1/2 months old) can you fathom it?!!!.....
also have a DD 7.3 yrs.not sure how long i've felt like this ,maybe weeks now,but i'm so fed up with looking after him,just want to run away,want him to shut up whining,want some sort of quality time with DD(never hardly get),some quality time as a foursome(thought that was part of the deal,but family always seems split),want more 'me' time(have literally made the kids 24/7 for a while now).Am sooo tired hate the relentlessness of it all.thought a 2nd child would be more fun,my last chance to enjoy having a baby,would be someone for DD(she's glad he's here but gets frustrated i haven't more time for her).I planned him for 3 years and was haunted until i got got pg,then felt peaceful.hated pg,but felt very complete/happy after the birth and for the first few months.very tied to him though through bf and slow cs recovery.he's now got ezcema which makes his care even more time consuming.yesterday only got about 1/2 hr with DD,and only because i sacrificed proper tea time.i love him loads,but recently have felt more annoyed by him and even shouted at him.sometimes wish i had old relaxed life back just with DD.at the moment get up just wanting it to instantly be the 'end of the day' again...don't want to face the day.so dissapointed and upset my mood has turned like this,started off wanting to cherish every moment,knowing he was my last baby and knowing they grow up quick.
it might be because he's very unreliable with daytime naps(if any sometimes??!!),so never get any peace/time to do things...doesn't play for long on his own.sometimes sleeps through,but other times still wakes up for a night feed.know he doesn't need it,but tried to settle him without and he doesn't accept that.also SOOO
hate dividing my time between them than i thought i would (well he takes it all just now).mostly want to look forward to each day instead of dread it.i have some family support so feel more guilty that i feel this way,although feel very 'indispensible' myself especially due to the bf,but just can't give up...fought so hard to do it and it may stop his ezcema going through the roof.his ezcema is getting worse though and steroids keep improving it only for it to come back the day after each course...maybe it's all the anxiety about his skin or maybe i've tried to be the perfect parent for too long and burnt myself out??!!i research things about kids/skin/foods etc on web at night and don't give myself me time anymore,house constantly a tip and gets to me cause i haven't time to do it with his demanding/clingy ways.anxious about what foods to wean him on to,cause don't want to make his skin worse.different gp's not being very helpful,just prescribing more creams.
sorry such a long rant...thanks for listening...anybody like me? any advice?i know others in worse situations so i've no right to moan really.felt depressed on and off for a few years though then much better since his birth until recently.not told gp about it/no meds.neglected myself so that doesnt help.anyone else with a large age gap between kids and get down...thought it would be easier
thankyou

[YommyMommy]

Hi happyathome,

First of all, stop beating yourself up for feeling the way you are!!! Our minds are very complicated things and god only knows how they work!

I have 2 young DS's, DS1 3.7 and DS2 10.5 months. Like you I really wanted to cherish every moment with DS2 as he is def my last. The thing is some times he his just down right impossible! He has a really, really bad temper and he screams after me when I leave the room, its very frustraiting at times . Like your son he will play on his own for a little while, but not long! I feel terrible as I harldy have any quality time with DS1 and as for me time, ha! My DH works away from home and can be gone for weeks at a time! Some days I am okay and other days I feel like things can really get me down or get on top of me!! I suffer from anxiety, but most days I just try to get on with things! You just have to try to take one day at a time, try to do things that involve both children. I find going for even a little walk to the shops keeps both boys happy. DS2 in pram happy gives me a chance to walk and talk with DS1 without distraction/interuption.

A for DS's skin, any mum would be feeling the same as you. You would do anything to make sure you were doing everything you can to ease his condition as to make him more comfortable! Does it bother him a lot??? My DNiece suffers from ezcema and she was refered to a child skin specialist, so demand that your doctor puts you on a list to see someone as you are not happy with the creams! They will be able to do a few skin test to see if there are certain products which are worse for his skin!

Have you told DH/DP how you are feeling?

Sorry if I haven;t been much help, but I'm here if you want to chat!

x x x

[happyathome]

thanks so much yommymommy.your advice and sympathetic ear have really helped.ezcema bothers him a bit,but not as much as i would expect.i have it too so know how uncomfy it is.poor you having to cope alone too.hope your anxiety doesn't get too bad and i'm here too if you want to chat also.your'e right,think i will ask for referral next,it's getting me down.thanks xx

[YommyMommy]

Morning Happyathome :D

Hope u are feeling a little better today??? No problem about the post, glad to have helped, no matter how small a difference it makes!

Please don;t think I was trying to make you feel bad as I had to cope on my own as I wan;t doing that at all! lol! I am okay being on my own, but sometimes when you have had a bad day its nice to have some adult company at the end of it, lol!

My little monkeys have been up since 6.30 this morning so this is going to be a long day! DS1 has gone to nursery and DS2 is having his morning nap. I usually use this time to tidy the house, but I just can;t be bothered this morning! Argh! Hate feeling like this as the house will only get worse as the day goes on! U know how it is !

ANyway, hope u have a good day! x x x

[happyathome]

hi again,
good to hear from you again.just gone on mn now.been at gp today and DS ezcema is infected and horrible and weepy.got antihistamines,more cream and antibiotic liquid...can't get it in him too well.i cried in the surgery and gp said not to worry we will get on top of itanyway seeing gp again friday for check then might be referral if no good.know what you mean about long day,my DS awake at 5 for a feed and won't go off again sometimes,mostly 6 though...yes that can't be bothered feeling...hope you got through the day ok anyway.and you didnt' make me feel bad,only supported
take care xx

[YommyMommy]

Hi Happy at home!

Can;t believe you say up so late how do you manage???? I am usually in bed between 9 - 10 to watch tv n chill out a little, but I never manage to stay awake past 11, lol!

Awe thats a shame about DS skin Sounds sore, poor wee soul! I hope the creams n things help, but I hope u get the referal anyway! Might help put your mind at rest a little?! And don't worry about the crying, I used to do that all the time when the kids were ill! Now I am becoming better at dealing with the sickness n things, but it used to make me so anxious! Its just a horrible feeling when there is nothing you can do to make them all better!

How is DD with DS? Is she good with him???MY DS1 is horrible to DS2 most of the time he is constantly taking toys of him, wont let him touch him, shouts at him! He has always been funny with him, although he is getting a little better now, I hope they get closer the older the little one gets !

Anyway, time to tidy up AGAIN! lol! My DH went away back to work yesterday for 2 weeks! Will need to try to get the boys out for a while this afternoon to break the day up a little! Just hope it stays dry!

Speak soon x x x

[happyathome]

hi again yommymommy,
great to read your post.hope your day was good...mine was very...well..chorish...got on a little walk as was dry,did you?.Sorry your husband had to go back,must be really tough...hope mn helps you feel a little less lonely.it does me,just to know i'm not the only one struggling. today at everything...pmt i think...the cheek of it as i'm still bf.
my DD is great with DS,probably the age gap makes her be more reasonable and understanding,more like a mum to him,but i feel i neglect her a lot now(as in not as much attention e.t.c...which i find heartbreaking,but she says it's less lonely with him in the house...try to include her but a lot of the time she is bored/lonely).
hope it gets better between your two...sure it will,just tough ages ATM.3 yr olds are not very reasonable!!.
better go to bed bu~@''*^ after last night.don't cope,usually 11pm at latest for me too,don't want to let go of the 'me' zone though,do you?so peaceful.
DS skin bit better i think.antibiotics a pain though can hardly get them in him,got syringe,but he does mud wrestle.
thanks for your kind words and company.
maybe others might join us on this thread what do you reckon?...could be a support thread for coping with two kids?!
take care xx

[YommyMommy]

Hey HAH,

How are you feeling today??? I never got out yesterday, ended up going over to my neighbours for a cup of tea n chocolate Thinking the walk would have been the healthier option, lol!

How is the pmt? I always really struggle at that time of the month, always makes me feel so much worse! Will this be ur first period since having DS???

Don't beat urself up too much about DD, I am sure she is fine! Once DS is a little older they will be able to do so much more together! God, babies are really boring!!!! Its only natural that she feels a little pushed out as she had you all to herself longer than most siblings do their mummies! My DS1 was my entire world before DS2 so he probably felt exactly the same, but couldn;t express it in the way a 7 year old can!

I am still really tired today, woke up feeling like that even though we all had a good sleep (well good for this house)! I never get much 'me' time as my 3 year old won;t got to bed alone he sleeps in our bed and then we lift him once he is sleeping! So its a bit of a nightmare! Although DS2 goes down at 8 everynight, so I take some time out after than n have a cuppa, etc!

Have had a nice day today, my friend came down with her DS so they had a play day and they were all very well behaved! Which meant the adults could have a good natter

I am going to go get tea started before the horrors wake, lol! Only joking, they are little angel really...must be in constant disguise though!

Are you feeling any better than u were when you first posted???

Hope you have had a good day???

x x x

[happyathome]

hiya YM,
glad you had good day with friend...yes adult company helps a LOT.i feel a bit better as all of a sudden,maybe due to meds,DS is taking at least 2 hrs sleep during the day and going off after meds in the night better than i thought and without milk.gone off at tea time tonight,no bath or routine,well out of it.i feel more love towards him because i feel even more sorry for him just now,skin improving but a long way to go and no doubt it will return.also think antihistamine off doctor is doping him a bit,so he's not quite as fiesty and exhausting me/constantly attacking/whacking/bouncing e.t.c,more gentle and cuddly just now.but still sad as it's nothing but meds and chores,still no fun with DD lately,but i'm a bit less tired.
god,i hope your phase of DS's not settling passes,it must be hard work...DS usually goes down at 8pm too these days and DD too,so getting a bit more peace...to do chores and crash into bed.
pmt usually harps on for about 10 days,still at it,making me snappy,but gives me housework energy strangely.3rd period i think,but all over the place,not regular yet...annoying wanted to be free for a year.
gotta go,DS may be up a lot tonight.enjoyed your post.have a good day tommorow....opt for chocolate,i do[wink....barrel-loads]
bye.will keep posting hopefully xx

[YommyMommy]

Hey HAH,

How has your day been??? I am having a bit of a negative day today! I am usually okay with the whole anxiety thing, but every so often it really gets me down. I am just so fed up feeling like this! I want to be able to do things with the boys that i want to do, but I as so scared of things happening all the time that I won't really do anything with them on my own, well to an extent! I will take them to the park and things like that! Pop into tesco, but nothing exciting! Some days a trip to tesco can be a nightmare, but i know once i get there i will be fine! Argh!!!! I live anticipating that if I go somewhere i am going to have a panic, even though i know that its pretty slim as its never happened yet! the workings of the mind are a mystery to me....

Anyway, enough of my moaning!

How is DS's skin today??? Os he feeling any better in himself? Did he have you up loads last night??? My DS2 got up for a bottle at 1 this morning, but then slept til 7.30. He got up a few times looking for his dummy! Not sure if I am feeling so down because I am so tired! I am usually quite a positive person Maybe I should stop watching Eastenders...then again that makes me feel good about my life, lol!

Hope u are having a better day than me
Speak soon x x x

[happyathome]

hi YM,
not been in long. been at a nearby town at mums and the doctors with DS for a pre-weekend skin check,because i was so anxious about it on tuesday and Dr didn't want me to worry all weekend...left DD at mums didn't want to take her in surgery full of germs(even though she's at school with them...didn't want to even take DS in tesco since swine scare on tv....see...looks like i'm an anxious person too...your'e not alone.
i too worry and tiredness turns me into someone i just don't recognize...it truly does wreck my whole day,it did today so we've had a parallel universe negative day eh.sorry yours was so rubbish.
i'm the same where i worry like mad about the unknown and the kids and going to strange places(will not drive anywhere new...quite neurotic..SCARED).also only go to my mums,tesco,the park,school for DD.anywhere else i trail along with mum and dad(like shopping),as i don't want to do it on my own.i watch Holby to cheer myself up.
you no doubt must be tired and be rest assured tommorows a new day.i just try to go to bed sooner and start afresh.also i strongly believe in guardian angels and signs and stuff,so that has helped my anxiety as i believe i get signs to say i am being watched over from my deceased grandad.
stars,feathers,rainbows etc really cheer me up always find them as i'm mulling over a worry.books about that stuff that are fascinating if you ever get to chance to read(what's that?!!).also read bits of self help books that make you realise how your thinking style affects your mood/worries.never read much,but enough to make me think and catch myself thinking and realise it 'sounds' over-dramatic/daft whatever.i get books from library.
believe me,you have 2 kids,you cope a lot alone..you must be a strong woman...you will cope... you have before...you've been through 2 chilbirths!!...believe in yourself....{HAH slumps off to follow own advice}...sorry not trying to miracle cure for you or be-little just trying to think of tactics that i use and things i say to myself to help.minds indeed are complicated.
2 sayings i repeat 1 from church:
we are stangely and wonderfully made(in other words,god knows how we work but we don't) and
worry is like a rocking horse...it keeps you busy but it doesn't get you anywhere.
off my soapbox now.....
thanks for asking about me and kids.DS skin much better.Dr and my mum said well done to me...that counted for something,not weeping now and fiery.not holding my breath though scared it will return next week.creams seem like a sticking plaster.was up a bit doing antibiotics last night etc so tired yes.hope you get better sleep tonight and a better day tommorow/weekend.i too feel bad i dont take DD some places because i am anxious...so same boat as you
keep smiling xx

[happyathome]

trying not to take things too seriously too helps my moods sometimes,trying to find some humour....just read thread 'mumsnet made me'...laughed my face off...ahh,much better mood now

[YommyMommy]

Hi HAH,

Loved reading your thread last night, instantly made me feel better! Thanks!

I loved reading the bit about having a GA, what books have you read...any recommendations??? Are you really into all that stuff? I am really interested, but never get much time to indulge myself! lol! I am reading the twilight series at the moment, when i get the time

I am a little happier with myself today! Made it into town - on my own, well with boys in tow! Although i never got anything i was going in for ! I had to go to the post office to get a parcel, but it wasn;t there yet and I had to get the boys winter shoes, but the clarks in out crappy town has a crappy choice and nothing i liked in their sizes! I had to end up ordering them on line to get delivered to the store! V. annoying! Never mind, we'll get them in the end! lol !

I am SO glad to hear DS's skin is getting better Are you going anything nice over the weekend??? What do 7 year old girls like to do at the weekend??? lol!

I am waiting on my friend coming to visit now, but as time is going on I am thinking its less likely that she is going to show up!

At least I have X factor to look forward to tonight

Hope all is well your side! x x x

[happyathome]

hiya ym,
congrats on getting in to town.pat yourself on the back..that was a big achievement...never mind what you didn't buy,you got there !!!..take 'baby' steps as they say.
nothing good today,just antibiotic/cream routines for DS and DD amusing herself which is the norm lately..can't seem to get up and go for the day out,even though DH here.before you know it it's 11 am and not really worth it.DD likes home though and plays a lot with plastic horses just now,looks after them,or baby dolls copying me,or likes doing art/crafts/playing at schools...bit of alsorts really.If we go out,she likes ice-cream vans,jumping in rivers or sand holes or fairground/train rides...quite a tomboy really.Oh and buying tat with spending money...got to cull that.
glad you're a bit happier.
sorry don't know name of that book but if you look in 'spiritual'section of your library,there will be titles with angels or signs or divine intervention or something...quite embarassing to take to counter though.the sort of books though that have 'sections' so you can just read bits of it and pick up things so to speak.I'm not like heavy into it,but i get more convinced the more i look for signs as that book said.lately a car overtook me,with P JOon number plate.My grandad was called Joe P and the place i was going i was worried about,anyway ,turned out just fine,againest all odds thought i would be late e.t.c.So in a nutshell i feel led/guided and feel fate is taking control in my best interests...that means it is not me who has total control of life,nor should it be...makes me feel more relaxed.
best go to bed.knackered.DS's skin even better...i'm much happier.
nice to read your posts each day
have a good one tommorow.
i like x factor too but not seen it for a bit
bye xx

[happyathome]

i'm more positive too about DS just now.probably was a bit taken over with anxiety/tiredness with his ezcema etc and he is a lot of fun doing games where he laughs a lot and strokes me and smiles so contentdly when i kiss him and communicates with me with noises/does hi fives...you know things that make it worth it.thanks for your ears
happy xx.

[YommyMommy]

Hi HAH,

How have you been??? Was in my neighbours house watching x factor last night n when I got in was sooooo tired, just went straight to bed!

Your DD sounds like a lot of fun I think kids def get more fun the older thay become! My DS (3 year old) is so funny at the moment! I just love this age! I think he and your DD would get on well, they like a lot of similar things! lol!

Must look out for some of thoes books! I have heard a lot of people talking about angels n feathers! Its nice to believe in things like that! I can understand why it can be so comforting!

How is DS now? Did you see that story in the news about the parent who let their daughter die becasue the refused to get her ezcema treated as they believe in homeopathy? This that what its called??? I'm sure it a longer word, but you get the point?! ! Terrible! Who could let their kids go through that! Poor wee soul, they don;t deserve to have babies in my opinion!

On a lighter note - had a good day today! Went into town and met my mum for lunch, had amazing steak pie! Yum! Then went a walk through town! DS went a bit mad in the point shop - buying tat toys! lol! I need a major clear out!!! lol!

Anyway, going to get tea on the go!
Speak soon I hope x x x

[happyathome]

hi ym,
glad you had a good day.mine not too bad. DS let me have 2 1/2 hours of peace and i had a laugh with my mum(she came to ours).long nap for him.bad night though he got overtired i think, but he wouldnt settle and was screaming/thrashing around trying to rip his skin on his face...thought he was ill,never seen/heard him so bad,thought he was in pain..his skin almost clear today,just odd stubborn patches.so at least thats him comfy for now.
OMG about the girl...no i didn't hear.that's horrific!!.
HAVE A GOOD DAY...i'm off to bed to recover.
great to hear from you again.
You are sounding a lot more happier lately?!!
bye xx

[YommyMommy]

Hey HAH,

How has ur day been today?? Glad DS skin sounds so much better! Its does sound like DS was very overtired, My DS2 goes into a really bad temper and trys to throw himself out of my arms . Little monkeys!

I have been feeling more positive over tha past few days! I go through phases of letting the anxiety get me down thankfully its not very often!

I have, however, been feeling like crap today! Like I am coming down with the cold so I have taken some para's and going to have another early night chill out in bed watching TV! I have been looking forward to this all day

Speak soon x x x

[happyathome]

sorry you feel rubbish ym,hope you are feeling a bit better today and hope you got that chill out time.
still battling to stop DS's skin re-inflaming.going to docs tommorow.had enough.spent all day creaming and he's back to scratching again.
bye till tommorow xx you look after that cold!!

[YommyMommy]

Hey HAH,

I am feeling a lot better today, thanks!

at DS skin! I am really sorry to hear that after you thinking it was getting so much better too! I hope u get something sorted with them tomorrow! I must ask my sister what she uses on my niece n nephews skin. I'll let you know! Although, by the sounds of things you have tried everything!

Speak to you tomorrow! Will hear how you get on! {{{{{hugs}}}}} for you and DS!

x x x

[happyathome]

hi ym,
gp today.a stronger antibiotic/steroid cream for inflamed areas.no oral anti b's thank god this time.gp said i'd done well and DS skin much smoother/better than last time.that eased my mind.waist downwards he is much better anyway...better than all over as before.thanks for your support.
hope your positive days/mood continues tommorow.
hugs
xx

[happyathome]

hi ym,
did you have a good day today ? you ok?
i had a better day,as i had a nap today same time as DS,then he is getting ready for bed earlier(asleep by about 7:45pm these days...used to be 9pm for a few months)...so i'm not quite as tired.his skin a bit better today again

have a good weekend.
xx

[YommyMommy]

Hi HAH,

Sorry not been chating for a few days!

How are you???

We are all good! Had a busy weekend with kids parties and just looking after the boys in general! lol!

How is DS???

Did you have a good weekend?

I am just heading to bed! Only 2 more sleeps til my DH is home :D

Hope all is well your end x x x

[happyathome]

hi ym,
glad everyone well and you had good weekend.
glad you were too busy to chat,as it's shows you were occupied and happy(i did miss our chat though).
DS skin trying to break out again,but just about got it under control ATM..
we had boring weekend....oh well another new week...shall try and make the most of now before it gets too cold/winter nasty viruses arrive e.t.c.
glad your DH home soon.bet you're so excited to see him.
how have you been with anxiety?.have you been ok?.
will be back tommorow
xx

[YommyMommy]

Hi HAH,

I have been okay thanks! My anxiety hasn't been too bad. I feel like I might have made some more progress with it, although almost scarred to say it incase i jinx myself! IYKWIM?! lol! I have been thinking back a lot lately to see how much progress I have since I first started feeling anxious and when I think on it that way I think I have made major progress! So that can only be a good thing, right???

I am glad DS's skin seems to be okay at the moment, fingers crossed it stays that way! There must be nothing worse thana constant thing like that and never know if it going to get any better! I really hope it does though. Did DD have it as a child??? My DH did,but he grew out of it though. Hopefull ur DS will too? [hopefull face]

I am reaching the end of my teather with DS1 today! He is really driving me nuts with his whining and constant asking for things! Argh! Every time I try to give him into trouble I just end up laughing because all the faces he pulls . I am my own worst enemy at times, lol!

Well I guess I better go do soemthing productive. Going to clean the car today - inside and out- it badly needs done!

Speak soon x x x
P.S. I missed our chats too

[happyathome]

hi,
gp again today...skin red again,but not too bad.she said we are keeping on top of it and don't need to refered.has ds stopped whining?
mine keeps waking up in the night and not settling again.too tired to chat.sorry.best go to bed!!
xxc