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Do you have 2 kids about 2.5 years apart......DD is 7.5 months old and I'm starting to feel quite uptight and anxious.....

(8 Posts)
woodforthetrees Sun 20-Sep-09 16:12:37

I have one DS 3.3 years and a DD 7.5. months.

I have a husband who is kind and loving but who is at work a lot of the week - leaves about 7ish and gets back about 7.30. I am extremely lucky in that I have parents who I'm close (and are involved with the kids) to 15 mins drive away and my in-laws who love our kids who are only 40 mins away.

I went back to work after DD in August. I work part time in a professional career.

The two kids go to nursery by my work (work is 10 mins bus ride away) and on our days off from work/nursery - DS has just started a lovely pre-school 2 mornings a week in the last couple of weeks and we see ante-natal friends - I also have some lovely close friends who I see.....

But.....this all sounds great but I'm feeling horribly anxious at the moment. DS has been quite trying recently - DD is getting more hard to handle.....DH works long hours and I feel like I'm trying to be supermum some days getting the shopping and washing up to date. I cook us food from scratch most days and the kids eat home cooked food which I batch cook when I can.

Why am I soooo anxious. I have had depression in the past - I had my first panic attack about 15 years ago and took AD's for about 8 months . I then got it under control and then had the next awful bout when I was about to turn 30 and my relationship was in a bit of turmoil and a few other things were going on in my life. I took Citalopram then for about 7 months but did embark ona 2 year course of therapy which I found really helpful. My mother has spent her life up and down with anxiety but is a "coper" - she never hid herself away - she always just "got on with it". When I had my worst bout I was holding down a full time professional job in the City and sometimes I have no idea how I got through the day let alone the weeks but somehow I did.

We went out today shopping and I lost the plot with DH when he left me with the kids for 2o mins in a park whilst he went off to buy a shirt he'd seen. He was quite a long time and I just laid into him. En route home I've just admitted how I feel and that I can feel mmyself going into a cycle of anxiety. The last time it happened badly was when DS was about 18 months old and we went on holiday without him for a week and I hated it (DH wanted the "break").

Anyway, I feel marginally better for admitting to DH that I'm not coping and that I need him to help me a bit. I've just joined a gym and have told DH that I need to go even if I don't do much there as a way of getting away for an hour or so.

I don't really know what I want anyone to say but I find that in RL it's much harder on a day to day level to speak to people about these things and anxiety is a hard thing to explain to someone who's never experienced it before...most people think you're just having a bad day......

If you've experienced anxiety with two small kids what did you do to get you through it - I'm going to see if I can avoid the ad's for now......

oh yes and I don't want to talk to my mum about it - if you have an anxious parent and you're anxious yourself then you know that it can make you feel a lot worse sometimes and they get uptight and so the cycle continues......

Confuzzeled Sun 20-Sep-09 16:31:19

I'm not going to be much use but I didn't want to leave this unanswered.

I have a dd 2.5yo and a ds 3weeks old. I too am wondering if the pnd is creeping back.

I think the gym is a fab idea, just having a bit of time to yourself is so important.

woodforthetrees Sun 20-Sep-09 16:55:42

aw thanks....if you had PND I'd keep an eye out. I don't think I did - well not really. I used to feel quite down and a bit isolated with DS even with lots of friends and family. It's ok when they are quite little as you can still give no1 lots of time and attention (well in my case I could as DD was an easy lovely baby - and still isn't that much trouble - she's just a 7.5 month old).....

You should keep an eye out too....it's really hard but I think a bit of MN support is a good idea !

llareggub Sun 20-Sep-09 17:04:18

My two are 2.5 years apart but 3 months younger than yours.

Time out helps enormously. I went to yoga this morning followed by a swim and I thought of nothing for 2 hours. Came home energised!

I also have resigned myself to having untidy house and happy boys or tidy house and unhappy everyone. I just can't do it all and I've found it easier to accept that with two.

Oh, and honest friends. I can't be doing with friends who smile beatifically at me and drone on about how wonderful it all is and how easy their children are. I need to hear from others that it is bloody hard sometimes.

wingandprayer Sun 20-Sep-09 17:11:43

I have two kids with same age gap but my oldest now 5. I have had anxiety issues before, been on ADs, had counselling and recovered, then got PND with DC1, more of same treatment and got over that too. Recently several stressful family things have happened and I felt my anxiety levels rising again, struggled to sleep, started getting panic attacks. I went to GP and she gave me betablockers. I have found them brilliant because they take the edge off a bad day so I can sleep and stay in control - I felt ADs would be step too far for moment and wanted to try something more flexible first. I am also inclined to think I am superwoman and have had to learn to rest more, avoid unneccesary stuff that I know will trigger anxiety and take every offer of help. No one will suffer if you have ready meals a couple of times a week. If my mum offers to do the ironing I let her. I got a cleaner and order in the shopping. I usually get a couple of hours a weekend to go for massage, shopping etc. (am useless at gym but think this is v good idea for you) All of this has helped me keep on even keel and as a result find the kids less hard work too. You can't change their demands, you can change everything else.

wingandprayer Sun 20-Sep-09 17:13:31

Yes yes yes to honest friends too!

Confuzzeled Sun 20-Sep-09 17:35:14

Woodforthetrees - your a sweetie, I just came on to say you weren't alone, even if I didn't have any advice. And there's you being supportive to me.

I too have great kids and an amazing dh, but even people who have everything get depression sometimes.

Like llareggub I went to Yoga and Pilates to spend time for myself.

I hate it when my house is a mess but I guess it's something that just happens when you have 2 young ones.

woodforthetrees Sun 20-Sep-09 18:07:23

Thanks everyone for taking time to respond. It's good to hear your own experiences - usually along the lines of "it happened to me and I survived" - I suppose our biggest fear is that we lose control and won't be able to care for our children - this feels worse than before dc's when it was only me I had to deal with. I remember a friend of mine who has bouts of panic/anxiety /depression always said that the worse case scenario would be that you simply have to surrender yourself up to a hospital and just let everyone else cope for you - I can't imagine that but I always think about it when I'm feeling on the slippery slope down.

Also, I always find a plan when I'm feeling out of control helps me enormously and talking to DH in the car helped us find some sort of initial coping plan. I'm sure like a lot of you the most conversation you get out of your DH week on week comprises not much more than "would you pop the bin out" and "your turn in the shower".....We actually had a proper chat in the car as both dc's fell asleep and even that made me feel better (he told me about a few stressful things going on in his work life which I knew nothing about). I so often feel a lack of connection with DH in every day life and I just need to be reminded that he's there for me and he's a support and he doesn't mind helping I just need to ask (not good at that !!)

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