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My parents blame me for my (33 year old) brother's depression

(11 Posts)
Reallytired Tue 15-Sep-09 12:37:25

Apparently I was truely horrific when I was three years old and nasty to my brother when he was baby.

My brother has recently lost interest in washing and is clearly ill.

I have experienced depression myself and I feel for him. However I can't believe that anyone would blame someone's behaviour at three years old for a grown man's health problems.

I am low myself and my daft parents aren't helping. Prehaps its their parenting that has resulted in both of us being mentally screwed.

Littlefish Tue 15-Sep-09 12:54:26

You know they are being daft. Actually, much more than daft. You know that you are not the cause of his depression.

Is he receiving treatment?

georgiemum Tue 15-Sep-09 12:58:22

Aren't most siblings foul to each other when they are small?

Depression may be caused by chemical imbalance or physical/emotional trauma. Not very likely dating back to when you nicked his toys and pushed him out of his pram. If that was the case, I'd be institutionalised by now (last of 5 kids - the games all seemed to be arounf who could make me cry or get into trouble from mum and dad).

Hassled Tue 15-Sep-09 12:58:53

If they are willing to blame you aged 3 for your brother's problems then I would say their parenting probably does have a lot to answer for. My brother was truly horrific to me when I was a baby and he was 3, but I've never suffered from depression.

Ignore them - they want someone to blame and they've just picked the closest person they can find. It's bollocks. Hope your brother is OK.

pollykettlechips Tue 15-Sep-09 13:01:45

I'm sorry your feeling low (i am too at the moment) and it can be hard to deal with any form of criticism at this time.

I'm not a psychologist, but perhaps it's easier for your parents to blame you than look inwards and see that perhaps the blame lies, as you state, in their parenting skills. That both you and your brother suffer from depression is sad, and they might feel like failures. I know my father has NO idea or understanding about mental health issues and thinks i just need to 'pull my socks up'.

I seriously doubt that you being nasty to your baby brother has made him ill as an adult but its easy for me to tell you that it is definietly not your fault and that you should not take your parents critisism to heart, but when you're feeling low, everything becomes magnified and , if you're like me, you probably dwell on things and this makes everything worse.

I hope you feel better soon.

saintlydamemrsturnip Tue 15-Sep-09 13:03:25

Sounds more like your parents are blaming someone so they don't have to blame themselves. It may well be just one of those things - it certainly will be to some extent. However, blaming you is an awful thing to do to you.

Reallytired Tue 15-Sep-09 13:32:01

I know they are being daft and unreasonable. Even if my behaviour at three years old was vile, I don't know what they expect me to do about it over 30 years later.

I told them that their parenting must have brought about the situation. Children usually behave badly for a reason.

My parents have no idea that I have suffered from depression.

sb9 Mon 21-Sep-09 20:04:34

Totally understand this post! Have to fly at the moment but i have been blamed for my sisters depression my her and my dad as i was 'nasty to her when I was 12 as i wouldnt walk to school with her'

It is their problem! I am so messed up emotionally because of remarks like this, i have suffered in silence with depression and now have counselling. I know exactly how you feel.!

Elk Mon 21-Sep-09 20:22:14

Agree with the posters who say they are blaming you so they don't need to look any further. I have had depression (ok at the moment) and I never once dreamed of blaming it on my siblings and they used me for many scientific experiments when I was a baby/toddler.

boolifooli Mon 21-Sep-09 21:39:09

That is just total codswallop! It reminds me of the time my Dad blamed my sister for his break up with his girlfriend. What the hell?

eleanorrubysmummy Tue 22-Sep-09 12:36:51

Reallytired.....and that's just how depression gets you!
Perhaps your parents need to blame you because THEY are reallytired too!! If they don't know you suffer, they probably pass the blame cos they think you will cope. Sometimes we humans are so selfish we pass the buck cos as the other Mner said, its easier than looking to ourselves.

Hope your brother gets the help he needs, and if vile 3 yr olds caused all the problems, we'd nearly all be depressed!!!
(Anyway, never met a 3 yr old that was truely VILE)

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