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Feeling low and need a bit of positivity.

(9 Posts)
EnjoyingtheMoment Sat 12-Sep-09 21:23:05

I am in the last stretch of my 2nd pregnancy and I need a kick up the arse please. And perhaps so others to tell me they felt shit in their last few weeks too.

I just cannot get excited. Had a few stressed, emotional, financial and physical, which has put pressure on my marriage.

I feel like this baby has come at the wrong time, and I feel terrible for thinking this. He was planned, very much wanted, but circumstances and to some extend our own lack of planning ability has meant I no longer feel ready. More than all the stuff around us being difficult I feel my relationship with DH is struggling.

I feel that where my relationship with DH strengthened when we found out we were expecting our first child, who was unplanned (at that time), when we I guess fell more in love, became a family unit, made the transition from couple to family, this pregnancy has seemed to push us apart.

I feel baby kicking, and instead of feeling how wonderful it feels like I did with DD, and the warm glow of imminent motherhood, it bugs me and I wish he would just keep still. DH is not interested in talking to the baby as he was with DD, or feeling movements when he moves, although I try to encourage him. I talk to baby and tell him how excited we are at his arrival as I did with DD, but my heart is not in it.

I feel an overwhelming sense of negativity and trepidation, fear and wishing it was all different. I feel sad that things will not be the same for this baby as it was for DD. No-one, including me, seems so excited about this baby and I feel terrible about it.

I find it hard to smile much these days. I wish it was just me and DD and no-one else. I want to sleep, but I cannot sleep at night. I do not want to bother with anything. I am worried about these feelings as i have always been a positive person so these feelings are quite unusual for me, even vaguely. I do not feel like me.

Its all a jumble, my thoughts, just wanted to write it all down.

fidelma Sat 12-Sep-09 21:45:52

What you are both going through is very common.You will get through it and become stronger as a result.There may still be tough times to come.Try and stay as close to your DH as possible,he needs you to be loving and tender to him.I know how hard it is when you feel like ** and want him to support you but it should come back round.Let him know how much you care about him and how important he is to you all.I am sure he will step up to the mark.

Also ask him to do somethings for you. often you need to SPElL IT OUT for them.Even just can you bring me a cup of tea in the morning,or perhaps you could take one to him.

Finally speak to your GP or MW they will be supportive and help you.You are not

EnjoyingtheMoment Sat 12-Sep-09 21:52:29

fidelma - he does lots for me. But he clearly resents it. He does, and has to do more than I would even like sometimes, especially when I was vomitting all day every day and it was relentless for weeks at a time. Now I walk slowly and he keeps telling everyone how hard this pregnancy is, like its harder for him than for me. He reminds me without meaning to how much this pregnancy is a pain in the ass. So, if I complain I feel like I am just giving more reason for him to feel resentment.

But, to be honest, I feel resentful, if I am honest. I feel annoyed that this pregnancy has not been straightforward, that DH is not how I want him to be with me.

To make it worse, DH snores badly and I am suffering from insomnia so he sleeps on the couch more and more these days, he goes out more and more, we seem to becoming more seperate. He won't address his snoring and in fact seems to prefer to sleep on the couch. I miss the cuddles and softness of him, and I try to get him to stay in, for us to do things, but he seems to distance himself, but says its me. So maybe its me.

EnjoyingtheMoment Sat 12-Sep-09 21:56:40

I feel though, I don;t know, that it does not matter what is done now, it won't be alright any more.

I almost feel like I don't know if I want it to be alright. I have been feeling like this more and more and more and I am not sure if I am going to ever feel happy again.

I went to a friend's little ones birthday party today with DD and DH and I felt so detached from it all. People kept asking if I am excited, blah blah and I just felt like I had this stuck on smile, and after a while I just wanted them shut up with their constant talking about the baby. I did not want to be around anyone. I wanted to watch DD and revel in how great she is, and just for it to be her.

fidelma Sat 12-Sep-09 22:28:04

I too have had similar pregnancies to you.Hyperemmisis and very bad pubic synthasis.DH also snores !!!!

He is sleeping in the spare room at the moment (I am pregnant with number 4)And believe me I have been through what you are going through.We had a very rocky time when DD2 was born.

I feel pretty shit when pregnant but I am making huge effforts to be close to DH (I pushed for this 4th baby)He gets a bad back I have spent many a night massaging his back (when I could of done with the massage myself) however it has kept us close and been worth the discomfort for me to see how close it has kept us.We will get back in the same bed when DC4 ? is settled but untill then we are in separate rooms.We are not ashamed we need our sleep.

EnjoyingtheMoment Sun 13-Sep-09 08:06:40

fidelma -thank you so much, it has really helped to read that perhaps this is normal and it will get better when DC2 is born. I just feel like everything is all enclosing around me. DH went out last night, took a tenner for a beer to go watch friend play in a band. He asked me to go with him, but for several reasons i did not fancy it, and on that tenner he came home gone 1am, which means he probably got bough drinks/went back to a friend's house. He got up briefly this morning to wee and sort the dvd player out (it was unplugged in the bedroom with huge chest of drawers in front), he got his ipod, and gone back to bed on the sofa back to sleep. I dealt with the little one who had bad dreams. I am not annoyed, he needs to enjoy himself, but i feel sad.

I shall start to try to stay close to him by making him a cuppa at 10am, let him lie in (he does his fair share of looking after DD in the mornings) and show an interest in his evening.

It is good to hear that it improved for you, so much so that you are having your 4th! congratulations!

nameynamerson Sun 13-Sep-09 08:27:49

enjoying the moment, i have had similar feelings as you describe.

i second fidelma <waves> i'm sure these feelings are very normal. pg is hard and it's hard not to feel resentful as your oh can carry on his life without being consumed by the baby, unlike you.

dh and i also sleep apart most nights, i find it helps to ask him to take me up to bed when i go and we lie and have a cuddle if only for a few minutes. stops me from feeling like we're living separate lives.

if you fancy a chat, fidelma and i are both on the oct 09 antinatal thread

EnjoyingtheMoment Sun 13-Sep-09 08:32:02

Thank you. I am a regular name change on the november thread! I changed as DH sometimes reads my posts. Not on purpose but I often forget to shut it down when chasing after dd.

That is a good idea for him to come to bed with me for half hour, so we can cuddle. Problem is DD is in our bedroom as her bedroom is having building work in it, but that will change in a couple of weeks hopefully.

fidelma Sun 13-Sep-09 22:11:55

enjoyingthemoment I think that you will do just fine. It has been a huge learning curve for me, but I am so proud that we have come through it and that I am able to support DH as a result he has also become more supportive.Keep the commuication going both through words ,touchand actions.

<Waves> nameynamerson

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