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HV came round and made me cry (I am undergoing treatment for anxiety)

(10 Posts)
Paranoid1stTimer Sat 12-Sep-09 12:21:15

Do I really HAVE to discuss my anxiety treatment with my heartless unfeeling patronising HV???

She appeared at my door unannouned and I only answered (answering the door to strangers is something I never actually do cos I am so anxious but I saw her getting out of her car and knew it was HV so felt obliged to let her in) because I was scared if I didn't, they would hassle me more.

She also had a student with her which makes me more anxious cos I don't really want to talk about my anxiety to anyone far less the HV who I hate and she always has given me a hard time about everything in her condescending manner anyway.

She said she had left a message on my answerphone "did you not get it? I have the right number" cos obviously she never misdials and later said she had "left messages so its not like I just turned up" which she did (just turned up that is).

Anyway, she said GP had told her I was not coping and "could not leave the house" which is not true. I can't interact socially with people at the moment for some reason and had to write down my issues before handing the GP a letter since I could not talk about this without breaking down.

Of course, HV asked me "to what extent can you not leave the house??? Why do you think you are not coping" I just said I had already been to see GP and have appt with Mental Health Team to discuss things and did not want to go into it all and sit and talk about it with her, the student and DS as I would likely break down. So I of course broke down and began sobbing. She just carried on questioning me saying "What would you like me to do about it as your HV" and other kind of scripted questions. They just sat there staring at me while I cried and there was just awkward silence. I tried to fake laugh and jiggle DS who seemed pretty unhappy with everything since 2 strangers had walked in when he was happily playing, he was clinging to me and I just wanted them to go as this is so unhealthy IMHO.

She then wanted me to take PND leaflet and I told her GP didn't think that was what was wrong. She then said "Well, I dont want to stay if you think I am just making you worse" in kind of a snappy tone. Then stared..... She then said she will be back to check on me in a few weeks (do I HAVE to have this?) and said "I tried to offer you the PND leaflet but if YOU don't think that is what is wrong with you then......." what???

Then they left. Left me in a sobbing mess after not helping in the slightest.

Sorry for the rant but do I HAVE to see the HV and tell her my confidentially told to the GP issues that I do not want to discuss with HV because I do not like her, do not feel she helps me in the slightest. I am sure she is good at her job and everything but we just don't click. At the last immunisations, she pointed out my old self harm scars and said "OMG, what happened to your arms? They are covered in marks" and I lied and said we were out cutting the grass and got bitten by midges and the bites always leave marks. How f*cking insesitive. She is always off with me and just seems to do visits to tick the boxes IYKWIM

Sorry. Ranting again. I know I am oversensitive just now cos of my anxiety but I am just wondering, can I tell surgery I don't want to see HV or are the obliged to come round since I am seeing the Mental Health team?

See, this is WHY I did NOT want to go to the GP in the first place as I just wanted help for my anxiety without getting every fcking Tom dick and Harry involved as I don't feel like telling an insensitive b!tch about my innermost fears. Isn't that what I am seeing the Mental Health Team for?????????????

Oh, her solution to me not wanting to leave the house (although I force myself to do shopping/soft play/parks etc just without talking to anyone) was to go to a mother/toddler group and if I didn't "feel like" talking to the mums, just to say I have to leave to go pick up the kids from my sisters or something "as not to offend anyone"...

Do I have to see her?

bronze Sat 12-Sep-09 12:23:14

No you don't have to see her.

If you are getting treatment ignore her. The treatment you will be getting will be tailored towards you. I doubt the hv is qualified to help in any way.

EldonAve Sat 12-Sep-09 12:31:23

You don't have to see her

Tell your GP that you find the HV unhelpful and you do not wish him to discuss your health issues with her

Paranoid1stTimer Sat 12-Sep-09 12:32:09

Thanks bronze

Sorry I just totallt ranted there but I am feeling extremely sensitive about it all and had to really gear myself up with great help from someone on MN to actually even get to the GP in the first place so to have HV turn up unannounced and get me to talk about this face to face with DS and a stranger in the room (HV is technically a stranger too esp when no one but DP in RL knows how I feel) really pissed me right off. Took a while to calm down afterwards too and I was so angry. I don't want LO affected by my trying to get help.

Thanks. I will tell her I don't need to see her since I have already seen the Occ Phys

IdrisTheDragon Sat 12-Sep-09 12:36:08

No you don't have to see the Health Visitor at all.

I would be feeling very hurt and upset at that having happened - I suffer from anxiety and depression and was depressed during pregnancy with DD and still be treated for it after her birth.

I am pretty sure that the doctor never got in touch with the HV about it - I did the Edinburgh test but can't remember how I scored - I think I did say that I was being treated for depression but she left it at that.

I think your doctor getting in touch with the HV is a bit off actually.

wannaBe Sat 12-Sep-09 12:53:12

you don't have to see her, but..

If the gp has got in touch with her then perhaps the gp is concerned about how your anxiety is affecting your baby. If you are so anxious that you were unable to talk about it and had to write it down, your gp may well feel that you could also benefit from some support from the hv as well - as a mummy rather than just as yourself iyswim.

I realize that it's hard, but the hv really is there to support you, and hv's rarely just turn up especially on a saturday morning.

If you really feel unable to get on with this particular hv could you switch to a different one?

Don't close yourself off to support altogether.

tethersend Sat 12-Sep-09 13:00:30

I had a very similar experience wrt anxiety (I too did not think it was PND) and HV arriving unannounced with a student- I think you need to complain.

Luckily for them, you were not suicidal. Your HV did not know that. Had something happened after they left, they would have had to answer some questions.

You should ring the HV team (or ask mental health team to) and inform them that you will visit baby clinic if you need to see them, and that bringing a student into your home without your expressed permission is unprofessional. My HV brought round a male student (I was in my nightdress) and just sat down and began to talk about 'how I was feeling'. Well, draughty, frankly.

There are some fantastic HVs, as I discovered when I moved to a new area- however, there are a hell of a lot of HVs that do not have a clue. You wouldn't talk to the postman about your mental health issues, so why should you with your HV?

craftynclothy Sat 12-Sep-09 13:05:25

shock I'm appauled at the HV and how she spoke to you. I would definitely be refusing to see her again.

I also had anxiety after having dd1 (though it was a symptom on my pnd) and, like in your case, the doctor let the HV know. However the HV was very understanding. I didn't really talk to her much about my anxiety etc it was more that she came round to see how I was doing and see if there was anything she could do to help. Tbh it wasn't of much use to me, she just said the same things each week hmm but she was always very positive about me, my parenting and any progress I'd made so I didn't mind her coming (though if I hadn't known when she was coming I probably wouldn't have opened the door as like you I didn't like opening the door to strangers).

Paranoid1stTimer Sat 12-Sep-09 13:18:43

Thanks for the response. I thought I was being a bit off with my comments but really needed to vent earlier.

I think basically you are right - that GP prob thought HV might be able to offer some support and maybe she wanted them to get a look at me at home to make sure everything was ok (which scares me cos I am worried now that they are "watching me" you know?) but she did say DS looked healthy and happy and seemed fine while she was here.

Maybe she didnt know the ins and outs of things but I do think it was a little off of GP sending her round too. Maybe its in their checklist of things you have to do in cases like this. HV was prob pissed off I went straight to GP as she is one of the ones who likes to do the referring to GP is she feels it is needed.

As for the HVs, they are actually only 2 and they are pretty much the same. I think sometimes they have bigger issues to deal with as we live in a pretty rough area so they prob have to deal with stuff that doesnt seem like such a waste of their time IKNWIM. I dunno.

Thanks anyway, at least I know I dont have to have to have to let her in. I will just tell them not to bother coming back (in the terms you have advised obviously). She just makes me feel worse cos she is very stern and I am totally over sensitive.

stripeysox Sat 12-Sep-09 18:48:02

Of course you don't have to see anyone who upsets you. The GP should have asked your permission to refer to the HV, and HV should have written to you rather than left voicemail message. The area I work in has a definite policy of no voicemail messages because it could breach patient confidentiality.
Bringing a student with her was insensitive and inappropriate.
You would be justified in making an official complaint, perhaps when you're feeling better.

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