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Fucking black dog rears his ugly head again. Can anyone hold my hand today?

(37 Posts)
FlamingoBingo Tue 08-Sep-09 09:23:40

Shit, shit, shit. Feel like I'm imploding. Haven't got the concentration to meal plan and I need to do our online shopping order. DD3 is so 2, it's not funny. Really hard work. DD4 has turned into a toddler far too young - she's not even 1 yet, and she's already having tantrums if she doesn't get what she wants. And she's a bloody limpit baby right now.

DD1 is wonderful, thank goodness. DD2 is wonderful a lot of the time and a screaming banshee who mirrors my mood perfectly the rest of the time.

sadsadsadsad

Can't believe I'm feeling like this - first time in about two months sad.

Just got completely overwhelmed just by trying to think about meals for the next two weeks - something I do all the time! Thank goodness my friend is coming over. But what the hell am I going to do if this is more than a blip? I really hoped I'd beaten the depression. What do I do to beat it back down again?

I really don't want counselling again. It was so hard work to fit it in with everything, and I'm sure leaving DD4 so frequently so young is one of the things that's made her so clingy now.

Alambil Tue 08-Sep-09 09:31:04

I honestly don't think leaving dd4 a lot, very young = limpet when 1yrs old.... so don't guilt trip

is there any way of just eating what you had last week? can you remember? then the shopping's done, food's sorted and you can focus on the other stuff

FlamingoBingo Tue 08-Sep-09 09:32:55

Not guilt-tripping - the counselling was needed - oxygen masks on aeroplanes etc. etc. I just don't want to make it even worse than it is already!

Yes, good idea re. just repeating last week's menu plan - will go and copy it out now. Don't know why I didn't think of that. Thank you!

jetcat32 Tue 08-Sep-09 09:34:04

Flamingo - typed out a huge long post, then my anxieties etc kicked in and thought it wasnt good enough, so will simply say for now that i have read your post, and hope that you are ok.

Re the internet shop though, can you break that down into two smaller shops, so then you have to meal plan for one week instead of two?

Hope your friend manages to help you sort it - how about if she inputs the items while you talk IYSWIM?

RumourOfAHurricane Tue 08-Sep-09 09:34:55

Message withdrawn

FlamingoBingo Tue 08-Sep-09 09:39:41

Jetcat - I'm sure your post would have been really helpful - please do re-write it if you can!

Shine - Your last sentences (not the one in brackets) is HUGELY helpful. Thank you so, so much.

I have now planned my meals and am going to do the order now. Chidlren are all bizarrely engrossed in wholesome activities - DD1 is doing her knitting fork knitting. DD2 is sorting out her box of special things and finding things to skip with. DD3 is doing 'writing' in a notebook. DD4 is playing with a stool. Wish they would be this resourceful all the time!

Bibithree Tue 08-Sep-09 09:45:38

<<holds out hand>>

My advice is to just get through today as best you can. Plan your day hour by hour, but only plan them one at a time. Think: for this next hour I'm going to TRY and get half the online shop done. I'll TRY the other half later on.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself to do as much as you can today because if you dont' do it all, and with little ones it's unlikely, you'll feel like you failed.

Also plan in some time to just sit with the little ones, enjoy them for 10 mins, without feeling like you should be doing something else. It's okay not to be superwoman. smile

twoisplenty Tue 08-Sep-09 09:45:59

Hi Flamingo. I think I have been in your position a few times - feel unable to cope over something, then feel frightened that depression is on its way back.

The best way to fight it off is firstly to relax. Panicking makes thinks appear worse. Then tell yourself over and over that you are calm and relaxed. Say it a thousand times! Take things easy today, don't beat yourself up over things or think about future worries, just concentrate on one thing at a time. Make a list.

Finally! Go outside and leave the noise of the house for five minutes. Breathe the fresh air.

And believe in yourself - the depression won't come back if you keep calm. Depression feeds off anxiety.

I was trying to make this post light hearted. Failed! But I hope it helps.

xx

weegiemum Tue 08-Sep-09 09:46:11

You poor thing.

This happened to me last week - suddenly on Thursday i had that horrible "its not worth it" thing going round and round in my head - not long after I had got pretty stable again. I'm on a high dose of my antidepressants but at least I was enjoying life.

I was really down (and panicking ) for a couple of days, but on Sunday I realised I was feeling back to "normal". No idea why.

Just thought I'd let you know you're not alone. Everyone has good days and bad days - I think when you are depressed sometimes you can over-analyse it all, though - I know I do!

FlamingoBingo Tue 08-Sep-09 09:57:18

Phew - shopping done.

What wonderful advice. I will take it immediately.

Plan for next hour:

1. Help DD1 and DD2 untangle their knitting wool.

2. Help DD3 with her sellotape

3. Work with DD2 to feed her sourdough starter

That's three things. I'll be very happy if I've done that by 11am.

I am calm, I am calm, I am calm. And I can do this because, like Shiney said, I've done it before. I am strong - stronger than black dog.

weegiemum Tue 08-Sep-09 09:58:21

Well done on the shopping!

Lovely plan for the next hour - have fun!

twoisplenty Tue 08-Sep-09 09:59:40

Good news! Let us know how your morning goes. smile

CurlyQueen Tue 08-Sep-09 10:02:39

Hey Flamingo, I can't promise to be much use (and I am at work) but I will try to be here a bit - nothing worse than having a dead thread.

<strokes hair soothingly>

Bibithree Tue 08-Sep-09 10:06:24

My next hour will be
* folding the clothes mountain on the sofa and taking them to the bedrooms
* making myself a cup of tea
* NOT putting another episode of Went Wing on ... that could be a toughie grin

Also, think of that black dog as more of a soppy old black labrador

Bibithree Tue 08-Sep-09 10:07:28

<aherm> that would be West Wing

weegiemum Tue 08-Sep-09 10:08:54

Oh Bibithree it is WW I have been watching at the moment!

My morning is more structured today - going swimming in a wee while with a friend, then for lunch. I don't go out much through the day, so this will be nice.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 08-Sep-09 10:32:12

Flamingo I am just rushing out so can't reply properly - but here is a hand.

I am exactly where you are right now - counselling starts in 2 weeks and I feel like I'm clinging to the edge of a cliff.

Will be back later

Bibithree Tue 08-Sep-09 11:14:14

Okay I didn't get my tasks done, but I did mop up almost 2 litres of dishwasher water from under the sink from where the pipe came loose sad - how I wish there was a [stinky] emoticon!

How's it going FlamingoBingo???

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 08-Sep-09 12:57:50

Flamingo how are you doing?

There have been some fantastic tips on this thread, I'm going to try and take some of them on board for myself.

If the list making is helping and you feel like continuing it, head over to Slatterns on the GH board, you will be in good company

ABitWrong Tue 08-Sep-09 13:36:38

You do meal plans? And stick to them? <<awe>>
Flip,I am not even managing meals atm.

And you sound like you are doing fab with your kids.

You didn't mention warfare, bloodshed, swearing or chairthrowing.

Here,you are welcome to my hand,if it will help at all

FlamingoBingo Tue 08-Sep-09 14:14:16

Hello

My friend is wonderful, as always. The day has been fine now, although I did lose my temper inappropriately with DD3 when she hurt DD4 sad.

ABW - if I don't do mealplans, I get stressed every day thinking about what to make for supper each night. Doing it (ie. getting stressed) once a fortnight is worth it, and saves us a fortune!

And just because I didn't mention warfare, bloodshed, swearing or chairthrowing doesn't mean it doesn't happen!

Today I have sworn very loudly indeed, thrown the notebook and pen I was using to mealplan. Yesterday I talked about culling my brood to a more manageable level blush

TooTicky Tue 08-Sep-09 14:17:18

Yes,I get stressed over meals,just not capable of solution <sigh>

Sounds like you have done fab.

Let me know how you deal with the chairthrowing please....why do chairs travel at a greater speed than a mother with outstretched arms? hmm

TooTicky Tue 08-Sep-09 14:17:55

Oh arse. Wrong name.

FlamingoBingo Tue 08-Sep-09 14:20:53

sad re wrong name. Will pretend I didn't see!

I don't deal with chairthrowing/toy kicking - wish I could! I really need to, though, because it doesn't really set a very good example!

Any tips, anyone?

I remember thinking I ought to go into the garden and hurl mud at the wall, rather than toys across the room, but I've never managed to get that far.

twoisplenty Tue 08-Sep-09 14:24:57

Chair throwing??

Really pleased your friend could make it. Friends make the day so much more palatable, and put things back into persepctive.

Hope the rest of the day goes well, and you can look forward to a bit of peace (hopefully) nearer bedtime?

I have had a really bad phase myself (one week so far, today I am exhausted, but, thanfully, I feel a bit better. Thank goodness for that.

My point is that things change every day, this one day may be just a blip for you.

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