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Do you ever feel likeyou've lost your identity since becoming a parent?

(8 Posts)
Sparkler Fri 04-Sep-09 20:36:00

Not sure if I'm posting this in the right place really. I've suffered with depression in the past and haven't taken AD's for months now. I know the feeling I have now isn't nearly half as bad as it was back then so I'm pretty sure I'm not going down that route again. Wasn't really sure where else to post.
I just feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Sorry sounds stupid when I read it back to myself but it's how I'm feeling. I' m very happily married with two beautiful daughters. Wouldn't swap any of them for the world but it's just I'm not sure what to do from here. My girls are 10 and 7 and for the past couple of years I've been doing a bit of part time work which fits in with school hours and I take time off in the holidays. So it's all perfect really.
Today, I had a child free afternoon. Always saying I need time to myself and I had 4/5 hours this afternoon. I chose to go for a bit of retail therapy. I walked around the shops for the first hour feeling totally lost. It was as if I'd forgotten how to do it (again sounds stupid when I read it back ) . I found a top which I thought was quite nice and then stood there for ages ttrying to decide whether or not I should buy it and if it was too much money to spend on myself. In the end I bought it and the rest of the shopping trip seemed to feel better. I ended up going for a coffee but felt like a right numpty sitting there by myself when everyone around me were sitting with their friends chatting away.
I've been fancying a night out with with the girls for ages now and DH told me to sort something out and so last week I text a few friends to see if they fancied going out this evening for a few drinks (I haven't had a nigh out for such a long time - I think I've even "forgotten how to do that!") and none of them could make it. This makes me feel quite too. Everything seems to have gone by the wayside over the years since I've become Mum.
Sorry probably just feeling sorry for myself. Due on so not the best time for me atm.
Thanks for listening if you've got this far and sorry for moaning.

mumtoallgirls Fri 04-Sep-09 21:18:13

Don't apologise! its good to have a moan as u put it. I can totally identify with what ur saying. In the beginning, my friends would comment on my not calling or going out. Then they gave up. Its now been four years. As for shopping. I recently tried to do the same, tried some clothes on, which totally didnt suit. My brain seems to think i'm still skinny and young, so ended up spending my time getting the girls, yet more clothes! i know how to shop for them!
My girls have become my world. I used to be a social party queen, now.....
I get annoyed that my other half seems to have maintained his pre fatherhood life, yet there is nothing that really stops me. it seems to have just happened. I too have a history of depression, but this is more, i dont know who i am. Ive allowed my girls to consume me and i forgot to keep my friends in the loop. Having read your post, maybe its time to think about doing something for me. Its that time of year, where theres loads of courses around. Could be a start.....
take care

Sparkler Fri 04-Sep-09 23:27:12

Started another thread in chat but thanks for your reply. I have booked myself into a day course to learn sign language and lip reading. If I enjoy it I might do a longer course in the same subject. Hopefully I'll meet new people through doing that and who knows where it will lead!

SwissCheese Fri 04-Sep-09 23:37:58

Oh Hello! It is the very same conversation I was having with a work colleague earlier today. We both agreed we don't recognise ourselves anymore, even our bodies have changed. I don't seem to be able to switch on the "I need this or that" and seem to automatically respond, look for, things for my DS and DH.

Clothes and me shopping?? That is a concept I find hard to move into action. Why? I have no idea. Feels like someone has removed the programme from the computer.

I don't understand quite how that happens as I was not at all maternal before I had children....

So very odd but at the same time, now I am starting to feel better about it. DS is 4 next week.

Zae Sat 12-Sep-09 10:43:47

I know that feeling totally. Sometimes I'll put the radio on when I'm cleaning, listening to the kinds of music I used to listen to before the kids. Then I remember how I used to feel when I was single and get a sense of 'wow, where did that person go?'.

Zahora Sat 12-Sep-09 14:49:12

Not only my identity, but IQ also! I suspect that parts of my brain have gone into a coma. I just don't feel confident striking up a conversation with intelligent articulate people anymore. My range of vocabularly has dropped quite significantly and I have absolutely no idea what is going on in the world. But I do know that Peppa Pig helped grandma clean up the attic! So how do you go about salvaging some of your old self back? I tried to buy a newspaper the other day, but ended up getting a cbeebies activity book. Is that bad?

laurajess Wed 23-Sep-09 21:25:56

i completely know what you mean. i spend all my time looking after my dd and looking for clothes for her and feel completely lost when i'm not with her. it's like she's the crutch that i rely on for support. and its supposed to be the other way round.
my dp is constantly telling me to get out of the house and text friends and meet up with people but i feel a bit scared of doing it now - i've forgotten how to socialise. i'll go out with friends and not really talk the whole time. i have no idea when it happened but i know its going to take a long time to get my old self back (if ever). and even if we MNers aren't giving advice as such, i know i'm finding it helpful that there are lots of people in the same boat as me.

frankie3 Thu 24-Sep-09 11:40:11

I feel exactly like this too. I used to be fun and popular, but gradually over the last 10 years this has changed through my own doing. Although my children do lots of things, I just feel like I can't be bothered to do anything for myself. I have lost a lot of my friends as I haven't stayed in touch with them, and I can never face phoning people up - I just can't be bothered. I have a part time job, which I know is good for me, and occasionaly make some arrangements, just because I feel that I should. My DH is also really neglected.

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