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What is wrong with me?

(4 Posts)
BrewRequired Fri 04-Sep-09 14:07:02

It has recently been 'found out' by my family that I have become severely overdrawn over the past year, spending £4000 on nothing at all- I have nothing to show for it but I cannot stop spending. Now it has been found out and everything is out in the open the main question is why I haven't told anyone- the only answer is that I have made myself not believe that I did it. I either thought that someone else had spent the money or that no one had spent it, and only had brief moments of clarity where I was aware that it genuinely was me who spent all the money on nothing.

I feel very very teary all the time now, even though financially everything has been sorted. I just want to curl up and cry constantly- but cannot figure out what is making me sad.

Now I am aware that my behaviour has been wrong and abnormal, I am perhaps over examining all my other traits in order to understand why I feel a compulsion to spend.
Things that are potentially abnormal personality traits include either needing to be alone and having no interest in going out or doing anything OR having bouts of spending a lot of money going out very often. I am easily irritated by other people and get irrationally very angry at others over minor things. When I have managed to spend time with friends I keep having to apologise because I just talk far too much and jump from topic to topic.

I have had thoughts of suicide and have planned out ways to carry this out- although I am also aware that I would not put any plans into action.

I don't know whether the answer is that I am just addicted to spending and my 'black' mood isdue to the shock of realisation, or whether there is something further going on inside that I cannot understand.

I hope that made some sense. Thank you

Snowtiger Fri 04-Sep-09 14:16:43

BrewRequired, I'm not a doctor or a mental health professional, but I have had my share of mental health problems myself (eating disorders & PND for starters) and it sounds to me that you're suffering from some form of depression. My advice would be to treat yourself very gently, and kindly, and to get some proper medical advice from your GP or similar as soon as you possibly can.
Look after yourself, and be strong. Asking for help is the hardest step, but the most important one, and one to be really proud of once you've accomplished it.
Good luck, I hope you get the help you deserve. x

BrewRequired Fri 04-Sep-09 14:30:36

Thanks Snowtiger, I have made a doctors app, which I am a little nervousabout but I am sure will be ok.

Snowtiger Fri 04-Sep-09 16:46:18

You will - don't be nervous, just be honest and make sure you get the help that feels right to you. Good luck!

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