I try so hard to beat this depression but i am so sick of the grey. When i know i feel lonely i call someone up to arrange to meet, i exercise, watch nice programmes, read, cook anything to keep busy but it is all so grey!!
Just feel on the outside i am always pretending and on the inside i am crying so much. It is so hard, just want to be happy again.
You are doing really well to address the bad feelings, doing things to feel better.
There is a technique I used to use, which helped a lot. Think of at least 5 sayings which are very positive (called affirmations). They have to be in the present tense. Such as "I am feeling calm today", "I am enjoying my children", "I wake up each morning and look forward to the day" things like that.
The important thing is to say them (preferably out loud) 3 times a day, every day.
You are then talking directly to your subconscious mind, the one that takes everything literally. SO if your little voice in your head is constantly negative, saying, I am having a rotten day, nothing I do helps, the world is a terrible place, your subconscious mind belieives it.
IF your replace that thinking with the positive ones, even though YOU don't believe them (yet) your subconscious mind will believe them.
So as well as saying the positive affirmations, also banish the negative voice as much as you can, you will feel lighter, and better.
I am telling you this because this technique DEFINITELY helped me recover from depression. It worked amazingly well.